Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 10:4 “Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.”
John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
Romans 10:9-10 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”
If you really want to save your marriage after infidelity, the thing that will help the most is being a Christian. Our nature is to be sinful people, and the “wages” of that sin–the consequence–is eternal separation from God. We are spiritually dead. If you want, you can envision drowned people in a huge sea. The ocean is the sin that we are in, and since we are drowned, we are dead and powerless to help ourselves. Thankfully, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to fulfill the Law and take the punishment of our sin in our place. The price has been paid! Those whom He has chosen, He picks them up from the death of drowning in sin, and He breathes life into them so they are able to believe and profess with their mouth that they have been saved from death! So start here … with these verses.
Matthew 19:26 “Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
It may seem hopeless, and it may feel futile and discouraging, to hold on to a marriage after infidelity, but there is hope. God can change a person from the inside out.
Mark 10:6-9 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
These verses give us some background that marriage was something ordained by God. They also tell us a lot of facts about what God thinks about marriage. They say we are to leave the authority of our father and mother’s home. They say we are supposed to have a physical relationship. They say husbands and wives are united … we are ONE. And it says right there that man does not have the authority to tear marriage apart–only God has that authority. So let’s keep in mind what God thinks about marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”.
These verses show us that moral sexuality is pleasing to God. Please note, however, that our sexuality is not self-centered–to get what we need–but rather SPOUSE-centered. We are told our bodies belong to each other -AND- that we should not go without sex because we help each other with sexual self-control. Have you been withholding sex to control your spouse?
1 Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
This is a promise. God IS faithful and He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But note that it doesn’t say it will be easy or that you won’t be hurt. It says that others have been tempted by the same stuff that is tempting you, and that God will give you a way to deal with it.
Galatians 6:9 “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Everyone gets tired…gets discouraged…feels dejected. Do not give up. Keep planting the seeds of doing good, even sometimes in the face of evil. Do the right thing.
Ephesians 4:15 “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”
This verse has to do with honesty and openness. I’m sure you would LOVE it if your spouse or “soon-to-be-ex” was honest with you and openly let you into their life and heart. But how honest are YOU with your spouse? Do you “speak the truth” to them? What about when you think they’ll get mad? Do you lie to avoid their anger? Speak the truth, lovingly.
Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
If you had gotten from God what you deserve, you would be spiritually dead. If your spouse got from you what they deserve for their affair, they might be on the curb with divorce papers. But God forgave you and gave you a way to be saved–can you forgive your spouse and give them a way to rebuild (if they are truly repentant)?
Philippians 4:13 “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Oh this is probably one of the most misused verses in the Bible. It DOES NOT mean that you can do whatever you want and God with give you the strength to do it. It means that the things that please Him are not always easy…in fact it’s hard to resist our nature and live like a Christian! But not only does God call us to obey, He also gives us the strength to do the things He asks.
Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
Believe the best of your spouse, and actively encourage them to do the right thing, obey God, and stop doing what they know is wrong.
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
Just so you’re not believing those crazy justifications like “We were called together so we could serve in the Youth Group Ministry”–here’s a verse that says right out that God is not pleased with adultery. So you’re not nuts. God does not tell people to break their covenant and be unfaithful in order to serve Him–just the opposite really.
James 1:19 “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Did you notice something interesting? It doesn’t say “No matter what, don’t ever, Ever, EVER become angry.” It can be righteous to be angry, and anger handled correctly is not sinful. But the big message here, of course, is to listen a lot more than you speak, and when you listen don’t just be plotting your response.
2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
The moment you sinned, God could have demanded the price from you immediately–He had the right. But He was patient with your unfaithfulness to Him…and now you can model His behavior by being patient and giving your spouse every opportunity to do the right thing.
1 John 4:7-8 “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
Please do not be confused: Love is not the same as being a doormat. Love does not mean “walk all over me.” It means making the choice to act lovingly toward someone even with they are not acting too lovely, and it means doing what is in their best interests.
Think of a parent who loves their child. Does a loving parent just let their child steal a candybar in broad daylight from the grocery store? OR does a loving parent see the theft and then let their child experience the repercussions of their action (taking the candy back, paying for it, being embarrassed) so that the child learns that stealing has painful ramifications? If they let the child steal and just cover up the theft, the child will never learn the lesson!
Same with adultery. Being loving does not mean “pay no consequences”–it means that you will do what is loving and allow your adult spouse to live through the painful consequences to learn their lesson, but you don’t add vengeance and spite. Be loving–love them enough to do what is best for them.