Tag Archives: Holy Spirit

My Vows

Do you remember the vows you took on your wedding day?  Word for word?  I remember mine.  My Dear Hubby and I were not dewy-eyed youths when we got married, and we wrote vows to really express the covenant we were making.

I,      Affaircare    , in faith, honesty and love, take you,     Dear Hubby    , to be my wedded husband to share with you God’s plan for our lives together united in Christ.–In the first sentence, I wanted the part in there about sharing with my Dear Hubby God’s plan for our lives, because I wanted to express that we weren’t just here to live for our happiness individually or “our” happiness as a couple, but rather, we were put together specifically to perform a plan that God had for us.  I was to do my wifely duties; he was to do his husbandly duties; and TOGETHER we were to do God’s plan for us…not our own!  Furthermore, that sentence ends with “together united in Christ” because we are both believers–so not only do Dear Hubby and I unite to each other…but we also unite in Christ.

As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life and love.–This sentence is all about one thing: being married is not about “what’s in it for me?” but it’s all about “What am I going to voluntarily and willingly give TO YOU?”  As a married person, my job and my focus are on studying my husband and learning how to be the best wife I am able to be.  When you become focused only on yourself and your own happiness, rather than focusing on your spouse and on doing what pleases God–that’s when marriages can be torn apart!

It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me the helpmeet God designed especially for you, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord.–This part of my vows was my way of acknowledge the authority in my new marriage and the role I saw myself playing, namely that my husband would be the head, that I would willingly submit to him, and that I saw my role as being not just “his helper” but someone who would be fit to help him grow and assist him in his work.

Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you—for better, for worse; in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows until in death do we part.–Boy, I bet when everyone says this part of their vows they THINK they mean it, but wow…life can really throw some zingers at you!  For example, this part of the vows means: “I will not threaten to leave when your ex-spouse is a hassle and tries to interfere in our marriage.”  It also means “When your ex stops paying child support and the kids are living at our house all the time, I will stay with you and work it out.”  It also means “When we hit menopause and our sex drives change up, I won’t just leave because I’m not happy.”  It also means “When you get a chronic, life-long illness I won’t just up and leave you when you are too ill to meet my needs.”  It also means “When you lose your job and feel like the dirt on a worm’s shoe, I’ll be the one standing by you.”  It also means “When you parents die and you close up to deal with it, I will patiently wait for you.”  DO NOT take this part lightly, because it means that through every trial and tribulation of life, you promise to turn TOWARD your spouse.

Therefore I pledge you my life as an obedient, faithful and loving wife and pray I will fulfill God’s place in our home.–Yep you see it there–that scary “obey” word.  To me, this sentence is once again stating what I see as the role in the marriage.  It’s not my job to make sure the marriage steers in the right spiritual direction.  That’s my Dear Hubby’s job.  When I’m standing up there before God, He’s not going to put the responsibility of directing the family on me–He’s going to ask me “Did you respect your husband’s authority?”  If I did, that would be fulfilling my place in our home.

“Whither thou goest I will go; whither thou lodgest I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and they God, my God.”   In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.–Ah the conclusion.  I’ve always liked the story of Ruth.  I love how she was originally from Moab–grew up outside the covenant and just happened to marry a guy who was an Israelite but who was disobeying God.  So she learned about I AM from her husband and she “got it”… through God’s gift of faith, she understood!  Then when her husband died, her mother-in-law says “Hey you’re young yet.  You go to your own family and have a good life and I’m heading back to Israel” but what does Ruth say?   She says THIS VERSE, because she knows that her duty is to help take care of her mother-in-law, and she knows that her mother-in-law’s God is The One God!  She does the honorable thing, pleasing God, and as the rest of the story progresses, she ends up meeting Boaz, they get married and is the grandmother of King David and in the lineage of Christ.  So yeah I love her.  She was an “outsider” and God loved her and added her to His elect.

So there you have it!  My vows:

I,      Affaircare    , in faith, honesty and love, take you,      Dear Hubby     , to be my wedded husband to share with you God’s plan for our lives together united in Christ.   As you have pledged to me your life and love, so I too happily give you my life and love.   It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me the helpmeet God designed especially for you, and in confidence submit myself to your headship as to the Lord.  Through the pressures of the present and the uncertainties of the future, I promise to be faithful to you—for better, for worse; in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows until in death do we part.   Therefore I pledge you my life as an obedient, faithful and loving wife and pray I will fulfill God’s place in our home.   “Whither thou goest I will go; whither thou lodgest I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people and they God, my God.”   In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

Do you remember your vows? If you do, post them in a comment and let’s talk about them.

This is post is part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge!

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And on Tuesdays I also join this Godly Link-up:

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Sex and Marriage … marriage and sex

According to the latest Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey in 2010:

  • 44% “are fully satisfied” with their sex lives.
  • 48% “usually orgasm.” Globally, twice as many men (64%) as women regularly have orgasms.
  • 39% are looking for more love and romance.
  • 36% would like more quality time alone with their partner.
  • 31% would like more fun and better communication and intimacy with their partner .
  • 29% a higher sex drive.
  • 37% want to feel less stressed out and tired.

Did you notice anything interesting about those numbers? I did.

After writing the blog last week entitled “Fidelity is not asking ‘How Far Can I Go?’ ” I started to see it in many aspects of life. Here in the USA we look at many things completely backward to how they really are in reality.

In my previous blog I noted that rather than looking at infidelity like the media does and asking “Is sexting really unfaithfulness?” and wondering how far we can go until we cross the line, we should look at it from the completely OPPOSITE side of the coin, and ask ourselves: “What exactly is faithfulness? How can I be more faithful?”  We do the same exact thing with sex and marriage … marriage and sex.  Namely, we look at it from the exact opposite side of the coin from where we ought!

Look at the figures up above about sex. Do you notice anything? Each and every one of them asks the person basically “What do you want out of sex?” Now I do realize that we can not read another person’s mind and they are responsible for communicating what they want in a respectful request–not a demand. I do realize that. But we look at sex–before marriage and in the marriage
setting–exactly bass ackwards. Here in the USA and in the world at large, sex is looked at as “What can I get out of it?” You get affection. You get romance. You get attention. You get your orgasm. You get horny and your sexual need is met. You have a place for your lust to be satisfied. You get off. You get pleasurable physical feelings. You get…You Get…YOU GET!!

Sex is not meant to be about you!

Okay–let me dial it back a moment. It is the gift of God that when a man and a woman commit to each other for a lifetime, that they lovingly serve each other and meet each other’s needs. In
that covenant He created us such that sex is supposed to be pleasurable. So in that sense, in a marriage, the fact is that you and your spouse will have a sex life and it is intended to be very
pleasurable! BUT we have turned sex from a gift we receive because we commit to another person…into a physical sensation that we pursue selfishly!

Therein lies the rub. Even people who call themselves “christians” will act like they are very special indeed, when they haven’t had sex in X number of months after their non-christian spouse divorced them or if they stay virgins until marriage. Much like fidelity, though, rather than focusing on what sex IS and how it’s supposed to be used, they ask “How far can I go before it’s sex? Can we masturbate but not penetrate?”

So let me put this into perspective for you. Sex is focused on YOUR SPOUSE. Sex is meeting their need. Sex is what you give to someone who has made a covenant with you for a lifetime and is acting on that commitment. Sex means studying THEM, and paying attention to what pleases THEM, and concentrating on THEM, and examining THEM and their beliefs and fantasies about sex. Sex is serving your spouse. Sex is helping your spouse resist temptation. The focus of sex is not on you, your horniness or your pleasure. In other words, don’t think of sex as a “right” — think of it as a “responsibility.” Sex is a type/mirror/picture/symbol of the union Christ has with the Church…His Bride.

Now let’s look at a few bible verses about sex:

1 Corinthians 7:3-5.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Proverbs 5:15-19
Drink water from your own well—share your love only with your wife. Why spill the water of your springs in public, having sex with just anyone? You should reserve it for yourselves. Don’t share it with strangers.
Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving doe, a graceful deer. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral

I Corinthians 6:18-20
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Fidelity isn’t about asking “How Far Can I Go?” and sex in marriage is not about asking “What Can I Get Out of This?”