Tag Archives: Affaircare

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #2 Understanding Your Loyal Spouse Part Two [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from #8 to #1, and today we are at the second most popular topic on our blog: “Understanding Your Loyal Spouse.”  This article is so long and has so much information in it, that I divided it into two parts: Part One was all about the Section 1–The Wild Patchwork of Emotions (last week).  This week’s video is all about Section Two–What Else Can You do to Ease Their Pain and Stress? and Section Three–What Are The Next Stages?

URL’s in this podcast:

Understanding Your Loyal Spouse:
https://affaircare.com/articles/understanding-your-loyal-spouse/

Please join us next week when I conclude our series of the Top 8 Most Popular  articles on Affaircare and we hit the #1 topic!!

[audio:  https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Top+8+-+%232+Understanding+Your+Loyal+Spouse+Pt1.mp3]
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Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #2 Understanding Your Loyal Spouse Part One [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from #8 to #1, and today we are at the second most popular topic on our blog: “Understanding Your Loyal Spouse.”  This article is so long and has so much information in it, that I decided to divide it into two parts: Part One is all about the Section 1–The Wild Patchwork of Emotions.  Part Two will be about Section 2 and Section 3 of Understanding Your Loyal Spouse

URL’s in this podcast:

Understanding Your Loyal Spouse:
https://affaircare.com/articles/understanding-your-loyal-spouse/

Please join us next week when I conclude our second most popular blog by reviewing Section Two–What Else Can You do to Ease Their Pain and Stress? and Section Three–What Are The Next Stages? If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us for our #1 topic the following week, April 17th!  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Top+8+-+%232+Understanding+Your+Loyal+Spouse+Pt1.mp3]

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #3 Before You Cheat – 14 Things You Need to Know [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from 8 to 1, and today we are at number 3: 14 Things You Should Know Before You Cheat.

URL’s in this podcast:

Before You Cheat – 14 Things You Need to Know on Affaircare
https://affaircare.com/2013/05/05/before-you-cheat-14-things-you-need-to-know/

The Official Blog of Rod Arters–the original author
https://rodarters.wordpress.com/

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll continue our 8-week series on “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Top+8+-+%233+Before+You+Cheat+14+Things+You+Should+Know.mp3]

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #4 Bible Verses to Save Your Marriage After an Affair [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from 8 to 1, and today we are at number 4: Bible Verses to Save Your Marriage After an Affair

Verses in this podcast:

Romans 6:23
Romans 10:4
John 3:16
Romans 10:9-10

Matthew 19:26
Mark 10:6-9
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
1 Corinthians 10:13
Galatians 6:9
Ephesians 4:15
Ephesians 4:32
Philippians 4:13
Hebrews 10:24
Hebrews 13:4
James 1:19
2 Peter 3:9
1 John 4:7-8

I Samuel 25 – Abigail
The Book of Hosea

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll continue our 8-week series on “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Top+8+-+%234+Bible+verses+to+Save+Your+Marriage.mp3]

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #6 The Purpose of No Contact & No Contact Letters [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from 8 to 1, and today we are at number 6: it’s a tie between “The Purpose of No Contact” and “Sample No Contact Letters.”

Articles in this podcast:
The Purpose of No Contact
https://affaircare.com/articles/the-purpose-of-no-contact/

Sample No Contact Letters
https://affaircare.com/articles/sample-no-contact-letters/

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll continue our 8-week series on “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Top+8+Topics+%236-Purpose+of+No+Contact+%26+No+Contact+Letters.mp3]

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #7 “Exposure” & “Sample Consequences Letter” [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we continue our new our series  “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from 8 to 1, and today we are at number 7: it’s a tie between “Exposure” and “Sample Consequences Letter.”

Articles in this podcast:
The Difference Between Exposure and Revenge –
https://affaircare.com/articles/the-difference-between-exposure-and-revenge/

Exposure vs. Revenge –
http://affaircare.com/2013/05/16/exposure-vs-revenge/

Sample Consequences Letters –
https://affaircare.com/articles/sample-consequences-letters

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll continue our 8-week series on “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/8+Top+Topics+%237-Exposure+%26+Consequences+Letter.mp3]

Ask Affaircare: Who Should I Talk To About This?

AskAffaircare

The Ask Affaircare Series started because our readers have questions. About Affairs. Reconciling. Marriage. Divorce. Christianity. The Bible. And God.  Initially, we tried to answer each question through e-mail, but we quickly realized that there were many people asking many similar questions, so we started this weekly series!

It’s not our goal to make you agree with us, but rather to explore what the Bible says in thoughtful, and clear manner. Additionally, we try to write our answers in a loving but truthful manner (Ephesians 4:15) because we know there is a real person – with real struggles and dreams – behind every single question. Thank for you visiting Affaircare. Keep those questions coming!


Our question today comes from a Loyal Husband who needs to talk to someone about his wife’s affair.  He writes:

Should i confide in a close female family friend about my wife’s affair? I really need to talk to someone…..

Dear Loyal Husband who would like to talk to a close female family friend, 

I can give you a very, VERY short answer to this question:  NO!!!

NO, you should not confide in a close female family friend about your wife’s affair, because developing close friendships with members of the opposite sex is what got you and your wife into this trouble in the first place!  She developed a “friendship” with a close classmate or a close co-worker or a close man from the gym, and now, because she confided in someone who listened to her and offered sympathy and support, she thinks she “loves you but she’s not IN LOVE with you.”

When one of you does the wrong thing (aka “is unfaithful”), that does not give you the justification to go out and do another wrong thing of your own.   In a summary, her sin does not justify your sin.

I don’t want to be harsh, here, and I do want to offer you some true hope, so the very first thing I’d recommend is getting a good grip on what fidelity means.  My definition of fidelity, or “faithfulness,” is that you voluntarily, of your own free will, promised to give 100% of your affection and loyalty to your spouse and only your spouse as long as you were alive.  Note that means that you don’t get married “because they meet all your needs perfectly/naturally” — but rather that you made a commitment to study and learn about your spouse to show love TO THEM.  Also note that 100% means that NO PERCENTAGE goes to any other person!  If you have a close female family friend, that means some percentage of what you owe to your wife and volunteered to give her is being given away to some other woman…and that’s destructive to your marriage.  So number one–keep your own side of the street clean by not turning to the close female family friend. Make sure that you are giving the same 100% to your wife that you expect from her.   And yes, I get it–the close female family friend could be an aunt or 2nd cousin twice removed, but that’s not the point.  100% is due to your wife, and no one else.

Second, I would recommend that talking to someone about it is a great idea!  I can’t imagine trying to get through the heartbreak of adultery all by yourself–but right now if you turn to a female, if she is anything even close to understanding, providing encouragement and emotional help, then you will begin to bond to HER and that is 100% reserved for your wife!  So avoid that temptation right now by turning to the men in your life who are likely to understand and support you.  I don’t know you or your situation specifically, but maybe you could turn to your father or a brother, or if your family of origin is dysfunctional, try some local, pro-marriage male friends or some guys from church. You’d be surprised (and probably saddened) to realize how many men at church have been through the same things themselves!  And if family, friends or church doesn’t work for you–there are support groups like the Beyond Affairs Network – Support Groups for Betrayed Spouses.   Not to toot our own horn, but you may want to take to David too–you know the other co-founder of Affaircare!  You can email him directly at affaircare@gmail.com if you’d like. The point here is to DEFINITELY talk to someone, but make that person a male person for now at least until you get your head on straight.

Finally, let me end my answer with a few bible verses, because our whole goal here is to act and live like God wants us to act and live.  So how would we know what He wants if we don’t look at what He wrote, right?  Here’s how we are to treat one another:

Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

Galatians 6:2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 “And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”

Hebrews 10:24 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”

Clearly we are not meant to go through our trials and tribulations and difficulties alone. Clearly as Christians we have a mandate to support each other and encourage each other and pray for each other and help each other.  But we don’t “encourage the fainthearted” by encouraging or allowing sin.  In fact, these verses indicate the opposite–we are to sharpen one another and admonish the idle and stir one another up to love and good works.  So…

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I encourage you to be TRUE to your promise.  I encourage you to do the HONORABLE thing. I encourage you to remember that you have been forgiven too, and to be JUST.  I encourage you to be PURE for your wife.  I encourage you to be a LOVELY man inside and out.  I encourage you to do the really hard, COMMENDABLE thing.  Speak to the men in your life and give your marriage the best possible chance for reconciliation.

Faithfully,

 

~Cindy

 

Top 8 Affaircare Topics: #8 “Just Found Out” & “7 Steps to End an Affair” [Podcast]

I just found out my spouse is cheating-what do I do? How do I do ‘no contact’ when we have children? My spouse was unfaithful and there’s going to be a child! Before you cheat here are some things you should know.

In this week’s episode, we begin our new our series “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.” We’re doing a countdown from 8 to 1, and today we start with number 8: it’s a tie between “Just Found Out” and “7 Steps to End an Affair.”

Verses used in this episode:

Matthew 18: 15-17If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll continue our 8-week series on “The 8 Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/8+Top+Topics-Just+Found+Out+%26+%26+7+Steps.mp3]

Help Your Kids Survive an Affair #4 – God Can Heal Broken Hearts [Podcast]

How do you help your kids when your spouse is having an affair?  What is the ideal? What do kids need? What are some common pitfalls that parents make? And how can God heal broken hearts–yours and theirs?

In this week’s episode, we conclude our series “Helping Your Kids Survive an Affair” by discussing how God can heal broken hearts.

Verses Used in this podcast:

Proverbs 12:22Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.”

Job 27:4 “My lips certainly will not speak unjustly, Nor will my tongue mutter deceit.

Proverbs 1:8-9  “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.

Proverbs 12:18  “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Psalm 34:18  “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Hebrews 10:25  “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

Proverbs 22:6Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Ephesians 6:1-4Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

If you’d like to learn more about Affaircare join us next week when we’ll be starting an 8 week series on “The Most Popular Topics on Affaircare.”

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Help+Kids+4-Heal+Broken+Hearts.mp3]

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Help Your Kids Survive an Affair #3 – Common Pitfalls

How do you help your kids when your spouse is having an affair?  What is the ideal? What do kids need? What are some common pitfalls that parents make? And how can God heal broken hearts–yours and theirs?

In this week’s episode, we continue our series “Helping Your Kids Survive an Affair” by examining examining some common pitfalls that parents make when their is a major crisis in the family. There are nine common mistakes that parents make when their children are struggling, and we go over each downfall to identify the error and make more healthy suggestions.

  • Leaning on your children as if they were peers.
  • Loyal Spouse: Speaking badly of the other parent.
  • Disloyal Spouse: Thinking your kids “will be happy for you”
  • Not allowing your kids to express their feelings.
  • Not keeping your word–lying to them so they aren’t hurt.
  • Spoiling your child to “make up for it”
  • Not taking time for touch.
  • Setting unrealistic expectations.
  • Failing to pray for your children

If you’d like to learn more about “Helping Your Kids Survive an Affair,” join us next week when we’ll be discussing how God can heal broken hearts.

[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/Help+Kids+3-Common+Pitfalls.mp3]

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