Love Kindlers Questionnaire

LOVE KINDLERS QUESTIONNAIRE
Copyright © 2010 by Cindy J. Taylor

Name__________________________________                Date_____________________________________



1. Emotional Commitment

A. LOVED–Do you feel a loving emotional connection and commitment from your spouse?

 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. VALUED–Do you believe you are valued by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. RESPECTED–Do you believe your spouse respects you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. TRUSTED–Does your spouse trust you and see you as trustworthy?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. ACCEPTED–Are you accepted for the person you are by your spouse?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. APPRECIATED–Does your spouse express appreciation for you and the things you do?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. AFFECTION–Is affection for you expressed in words and actions? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. ADMIRED–Do you believe your spouse admires you and do they say so out loud?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. UNDERSTOOD–Do you believe you are heard and understood by your spouse?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. FORGIVENESS–When you do something wrong does your spouse forgive you and not bring it up later in an argument?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


2. Spiritual Commitment

A. Are your spiritual values supported by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Do you and your spouse have a shared spiritual life?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Are your beliefs respected?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Is there personal transparency about your spiritual beliefs?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


3. Physical Commitment

A. TOUCHED–Are you regularly touched by your spouse?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Touched–Are you touched in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. KISSED–Are you regularly kissed by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. KISSED–Are you kissed in a way and as long as you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. HUGGED–Are you regularly hugged by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. HUGGED–Are you hugged in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. TENDERNESS–Does your spouse regularly express physical tenderness (for example cuddling, holding hands, etc.)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. TENDERNESS–Is the physical tenderness in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT–Are you and your spouse regularly sexually active so that you are satisfied?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT–Is the sexual activity in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS–Are you physically attracted to your spouse (their hair, their body, their grooming and their clothing)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


4. Financial Commitment

A. Is your spouse able to provide for family and children?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse actively participate in providing for family and children?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Are you able to pay monthly bills without going into debt?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Can you live a lifestyle that’s mutually acceptable to both you and your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse contribute to family income?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse contribute to paying off family debt?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Are you able to plan for future financial stability? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. Are you able to plan for future needs such as kids’ college?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. Can your spouse live by a budget?  
 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


5. Family Commitment

A. Does your spouse make time for adult time alone with you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse make time for the children, individually?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Does your spouse share household chores in a way that seems equitable to you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Does your spouse share child rearing? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’ whenever it’s possible?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse offer you ‘a day off’ now and then?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


6. Social Commitment

A. Are you included in your spouse’s social activities?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse encourage and support you in social situations? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Do you and your spouse share fun and enjoyable activities together?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Do you and your spouse share joy and laughter?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. As you believe it’s appropriate, do you and your spouse publicly display affection for each other?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse spend their free time with you?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Does your spouse offer you personal free time? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. Is your spouse your companion?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. Does your spouse engage you in conversation, about topics in which you both have an interest? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. Does your spouse listen well, expressing both interest and caring?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!



7. Security Commitment

A. Does your spouse support you in times of crisis? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse turn to you for support in their times of crisis? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Does your spouse stand by you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Is your spouse loyal and committed to you and your marriage?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse present a united front with you (against relatives or the children)?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Is your relationship secure and not “in the balance” over a fight?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Is your spouse there for you when you feel you need them?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close

H. Is your spouse your “soft place to fall” (a safe haven)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

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