The following are some abuse examples suffered during a marriage by just one person. This list shows quite clearly how different forms of abuse are interrelated, one never occuring in isolation, but as a pattern of behavior with intent. If you take any one of these examples by itself, you could be misled into thinking it was just a misunderstanding, a foolish act, a bit of a juvenile or immature response to some perceived harm, but put all the incidents together, and it is a completely different story!
- Spouse spent all of the family’s joint Christmas money.
- Pulled all wires and boards out of the computer so that it couldn’t be used.
- Smashed up all my discs with my old journals and photographs.
- Deleted all my files from the computer.
- Changed passwords on the computers and e-mail so that they could not be accessed without permission.
- Put holes in bedroom walls, kitchen walls and broke spindles on banister.
- Smashed up alarm clocks and lamps.
- Pushed me out of bed so that I could not sleep.
- Dictated where I could sleep and when, then kept me awake by playing loud music.
- Continually called me names in front of the children and undermined my authority with them.
- Argued with me in a loud volume in front of the children.
- Pushed me around in front of the children.
- Threatened to kill me.
- Told me that I would never be free and that they would make it their sole life purpose to make my life hell.
- Took me by the throat and threw me on the floor.
- Would not allow me to use the phone.
- Would not allow me to watch his TV.
- Would only allow me to play their choice of music.
- Criticized my housekeeping and parenting skills.
- Denied me money.
- Ignored family members when they came to visit.
- Insisted that I be there to make dinner on my day off from work.
- If I went out to visit anyone, I was not allowed to be long.
- Left me to pay rent, gas, electricity, food, clothing, gifts, insurance etc. with the money I received for financial aid.
- If I refused to have sex then I was subjected to verbal and physical abuse and had to put up with bad moods for days.
- Would be ignored for up to a week at a time.
- If I asked for money then I was shouted at and told what a failure I was.
- Often had to borrow money from my family rather than ask my spouse for it.
- Had to have supper ready and on the table by a certain time every day.
- Had to put up with disruptive, loud music when I was trying to study.
- Had to drop every thing and make coffee whenever they ordered me to.
- Was allowed to see the savings but not allowed to spend it.
- Had to constantly tidy up after them.
- Was ordered to send the kids upstairs out of the way as the kids were annoying.
- Had to attend all school and doctors appointments for the kids alone .
- Was continually reminded that they provided everything and that I was lucky to have such a good provider.
- Said they were far superior to me and should be treated as such.
- Told me to do the gardening and then criticized it.
- Was continually made to feel stupid.
- My past relationships were thrown in my face.
- If I refused to have sex then annoyed me until I gave in just to get it over with.
- Took my mobile phone away from me.
- Would switch the heating on after I had switched it off making me think I was going insane.
- Was not allowed to go to bed until the cat came in.
- If I was unwell I still had to carry on as normal, doing the housework, childcare and cooking.
- Was only allowed one day off from cooking in 3 years.
- Tried to strangle me but told me that it was my fault, that I deserved it, and that they would finish it one day.
- Destroyed all of my possessions from my life before them.
- Carved around me as I sat on the sofa with an electric knife.
- Smashed up the TV with a hammer.
- Threatened to smash my head in with a hammer and proceeded to bash holes in the wall around me.
- Smashed plates of food off the wall because I did not cook what they wanted.
- Drove me into the woods driving like a maniac and threatened to kill us both leaving the kids with no one.
- Beat me up and bashed my head off the radiator whilst pregnant because I would not sleep at their command.
- Smashed up a full fish tank because I wanted to finish making a pair of curtains before going to bed.
- Told me that they had slept around numerous times during our relationship and that I had no choice but to accept it.
- Smashed up the house and then made me clean up the mess.
- Put a brick through my mother’s window because I “made them mad.”
- Pushed me around and humiliated me in front of their friends then exposed my nakedness thinking it was funny.
- Had cybersex online and told me that it was better than sleeping with me.
- Would spend hours with opposite sex friends but restricted my choice of friends and the time I spent with them.
- Cut up my clothes.
- Broke jewelry that I received as gifts from friends.
- Constantly told me that I was fat and ugly and that no other person would ever want me therefore I was lucky to have them as a spouse.
- Would promise me treats such as clothes or a night off from cooking only to be told that I had done something wrong and did not deserve anything.
- Would buy something new practically every week but I was not allowed anything because they were the provider not me.
- If I wanted to go out to the shops, they’d refuse to look after the children and I had to find a babysitter.
- I lived life constantly on the edge and would do anything to keep them happy.
- For 4 years they would take twice weekly visits to visit their own family but I was never allowed to go to visit mine.
- Was not allowed to lock the bathroom door when I had to go to the toilet or have a bath.
- The only birthday present I ever received was grow bag for the garden so that I could get on with it.
- Three times I had to go into hospital for operations but had to return the same day to make meals and look after the children because that was not “their job.”
- Had to make my own way home from hospital because they were too tired to come and pick me up.
- Was not allowed to let the children stay overnight with family members as they were my children and it was my job to look after them.
- Told me that I was obviously a terrible person due to the fact that my first marriage had failed and that I deserved all that I got.
- Whenever we split up they harassed and threatened me until I agreed to take them back.
- Took great pleasure in telling me how they showered gifts on opposite sex friends that they had during our splits.
- Smashed up mirrored wardrobes in a fit of rage causing me to slash my arm whilst trying to clean up.
- Threatened to slash my throat with a knife.
- Went crazy with a hammer smashing up our home.
- Split open my nose by bashing my head into the kitchen wall units.
- Cut my chin with a knife.
- Pushed, shoved and beat me.
- Locked me in a room with a pigeon because I had a fear of birds, then killed the bird with their bare hands and cooked it for the cat.
- Would not allow me to visit the doctor when I felt I needed help.
- Burned photos of the children.
- Took money from my purse without telling me.
- Searched my bag.
- Refused to go to family weddings together.
