HOW TO TELL WHEN IT IS TIME TO END THE CONSEQUENCES STAGE
Do you ever wonder how you can tell if it is a sincere change and not just a bunch of empty promises? Here’s what it will look like when it is really time to end the Consequences Stage.
#1 – When Disloyal Spouse works on their issues ON THEIR OWN—without Loyal Spouse having to beg, plead, or “remind” them to go to counseling or a meeting
#2 – Disloyal Spouse will come to Loyal Spouse and ask for forgiveness, taking personal responsibility
#3 – Disloyal Spouse’s ACTIONS will show that they have changed by the way they treat Loyal Spouse
#4 – Disloyal Spouse will not try to force Loyal Spouse to “believe me, I’ve changed!!”
#5 – Disloyal Spouse will show respect for Loyal Spouse’s lack of trust
#6 – Disloyal Spouse will build trust slowly and not try to “rush it”
#7 – Disloyal Spouse will understand and accept that for a while, it may feel like they have lost some privacy
#8 – Disloyal Spouse will drag their own butt to counseling, anger management, church, and/or some form of ACCOUNTABILITY (like a sponsor, etc.)
#9 – Disloyal Spouse will not make demands such as, “I need you to…” or “You need to…”
#10 – Disloyal Spouse will not be disrespectful/judgmental: “What’s wrong with you for feeling…?” “Why didn’t you…?” “You’re crazy!”
#11 – Disloyal Spouse will NO LONGER TRY TO FIX Loyal Spouse!
#12 – Disloyal Spouse will ask Loyal Spouse what they went through and how it felt
#13 – Disloyal Spouse will not argue with Loyal Spouse’s feelings when Loyal Spouse tells Disloyal Spouse the truth of how it felt
#14 – Disloyal Spouse will sorrow a godly sorrow for what they put the Loyal Spouse through
#15 – Disloyal Spouse will not “work toward” working on their issues…or make promises about working on their issues…or “make progress” toward working on their issues. Disloyal Spouse will just work on them whether Loyal Spouse chooses to take them back or not.
#16 – Disloyal Spouse will willingly admit what they did wrong and will no longer lie to hide the truth
#17 – Disloyal Spouse will willingly spend 15 hours a week on their marriage
#18 – Disloyal Spouse will willingly learn how to think of their partner and protect their partner ahead of their own “happiness”
#19 – Disloyal Spouse with want to know the Loyal Spouse’s Love Kindlers and will tell the Loyal Spouse what theirs are
#20 – Loyal Spouse will hear questions like these:
- What do you want?
- What hurts you about being with me?
- How do you feel when I come to the house?
- How do you feel after talking with me?
- Do you feel like I constantly tell you how you should be?
- Do I sound selfish?
- Have I shown an interest in your reality, hopes, and dreams?
- Are you experiencing trauma from the things I said and did for years?
- Can you heal from this trauma?
- Could you like a person who has been self-centered and abusive for a long time?