Sin is a very powerful thing. Falling into sin is so simple, and so easy that we often do it without a second thought. And once that sin has taken root, it begins to grow, expanding and multiplying. The seeds of sin are always a matter of thought: “It is not what goes into a man, but what comes out…” (Matt 15:11) A simple thought, careless and ignored, can be revisited and reinforced. This is especially apparent (and more likely) if the thought involves pleasure of some sort. Seeking pleasure is a basic element of what it means to be human. What is important is where we find that pleasure, and what we do with it. If the source of pleasure is found in an act of sin, it must be repulsed and avoided. Instead we need to turn to what is right to find our pleasure. And note that what is right is defined by God, not our own desires. Something can ‘feel so right’ to us, and yet be entirely wrong: “There is a way that seems right to a man…”
The bible talks about how we fall into sin: (Psalm 1):
Blessed is the man
who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers;
Here you see a specific progression: walking > standing > sitting.
The Bible cautions us to avoid being snared by that first tiny sin (walking), or else we will become rooted (standing) by growing sin until we are firmly planted (sitting) in sin’s garden and no longer grow in God’s garden. Sin is a weed that chokes out everything around it. An affair generally starts this way: a small pleasure – an innocent compliment, which results in inappropriate evaluation and reflection. The temptation grows by seeking other pleasureable moments, until the two partners have developed an entire relationship that is morally unacceptable.
But it feels so good (which is generally interpreted as ‘so right’)! This is because the root of sin is the selfish pleasure of the individual. Sin is the fulfillment of the desires of the self at the expense of pleasing God. And yet, we know that what we are doing is wrong! Our conscience exists to keep us in line: a conscience trained by a lifestyle of learning what God desires is much more difficult to overcome. Thus we find that those who fall into the trap of adultery have already spent some time avoiding such discipline. Without excercising it, the conscience is weakened and succeptible to being overcome. Actually, avoiding biblical training means that your conscience is being trained by other resources – meaning that you may even find some things perfectly acceptable that God finds repulsive!
The attempt to overcome the conscience, and the success with which this occurs, results in what we call “Disloyal Fog.” We call it a fog because the reasoning abilities of the person submersed in this fog has been abandoned. The truth is being suppressed in unrighteousness (“…men who by their wickedness suppress the truth….” Rom 1:18). The truth is replaced, little by little, with new revised versions of the story. Convenient lies are used, and the past is ignored. The person generalizes, rationalizes, and even obfuscates, in an attempt to cover their sin.
Therefore, here at Affaircare, our definition of “Disloyal Fog” is:
“repetitive, pleasure-seeking, unfaithful behavior that is habitual in spite of moral or physical reasons (i.e., harm) that should rationally preclude its practice and that displaces spiritual obligations.”
And remember, our definition of “unfaithfulness” is giving less than 100% of your affection and loyalty to your spouse!
Furthermore, when you hear your disloyal spouse making (often very apparent) absurd statements, this would be an example of “Disloyal Dizziness.” It seems as if another being has taken their place; they are deep in the fog! The most common Disloyal Dizzy statements are defensive mechanisms which are their attempt to generalize, rationalize, and even obfuscate in order to cover their sin.