Posted by: Cindy at Affaircare | May 17, 2010

Putting the Kids to Bed: Balancing Kid Needs and Adult Needs

Last Week: In case you missed it, Let’s Go Out: Dates to bring you closer together by my friends Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo at ONE Extraordinary Marriage.

What you are about to read is only one piece of a 27-chapter collaborative e-book written to help you learn how to make your marriage extraordinary amongst the chaos of life. After reading this post, be sure to download a complete copy of LOVE EVERYDAY absolutely free!
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CHAPTER 27–Putting the Kids to Bed
Balancing Kid Needs and Adult Needs

It’s time for bed, the kids need to be bathed and tucked in, and the adults need time for themselves and as lovers. As a couple who want to keep the love light burning bright, how can a couple balance the needs of their children with their needs as individuals and life-long lovers? How can spouses find balance in a world that has almost unending demands?

To love EVERY DAY, a couple needs to take steps to help balance their adult needs with the needs of their family.

First, prioritize and simplify personal, marital and family commitments. Sit down together and determine your values (what is important to both of you), your goals (what you’d like to do or work toward), and how to contribute towards them with a proactive approach. Lists are one easy way to prioritize, and “the four quadrants” method can really help!

Separate each item on the commitments list into: Urgent and Important (my e-book article is due in an hour); Important but Not Urgent (I need to prepare a webinar for next month); Urgent but Not Important (my library books need to be returned today); Not Important and Not Urgent (play Farmville on Face-book).

From the list, separate them into a list for personal, one for your marriage, and one for family…and then drop one thing from each list.

Another way to simplify is to set limits–there is a limit to the time and energy, so find balance by establishing a limit. Dear Hubby and I have seven children who naturally all want to be in extracurricular activities. We set the limit at one activity per child. Drop things from the to-do list that aren’t absolutely essential.

After priorities have been identified, and life has been simplified, it’s time to create a schedule and make time for each aspect of life. Actually carve out time and schedule personal time, partner time, and family time in that order.

Personal time can be a time for each person to pursue their hobbies and take care of himself or herself! Partner time can be a set amount of quiet time to be together to catch up, hold hands, and reconnect. Partner time is just as vital as a meeting or projects at work, so if you are scheduled to be together, don’t reschedule it. Finally, find time for the family–for both their activities and to give undivided attention to each child.

The final step is to take the time to enhance non-sexual intimacy and stoke the fires of love. Treat your partner as your best friend. Respect them as an individual. Be patient. Exercise some manners and be courteous. Make them feel special. Share yourself openly. Celebrate life together and LAUGH! Listen to what they say. Doing these things to enhance non-sexual intimacy will be a giant step forward to enhancing sexual intimacy…and, BOY, it is vital to maintain a physical relationship–in big ways and small.

A fulfilling sex life is KEY to balancing the stresses of personal, professional, and family life and is one area that couples often put aside because they are “too tired.” Do not fall into this trap. You make the effort for work and for your children, and it is vital to make the effort for your marriage. Run away together, and leave the kids at home. It will teach the children that the loving marriage relationship between a husband and a wife is just as important as the relationship with them.
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Next Week: Don’t forget to check out First Cup of Coffee: Awaken Your Relationship all week on Corey Allan on Simple Marriage!

If you loved this article, here’s what you can do:

1) Please share this free download with your family and friends. Click here on LOVE EVERYDAY to get your free download copy today!

2) Check out Tony and Alisa’s chapter by clicking on the link at the beginning of this article, and while you’re there, check out their blog! They care deeply about helping you have a marriage that’s not just okay…it’s EXTRAORDINARY.

3) Check out [name’s] chapter next week and while you’re there, take a peek at their blog too. I’m blessed to work with some very caring people.

4) Finally if you enjoy this article, show some support for Affaircare by subscribing to the RSS feed or signing up for our newsletter so we can help you keep your marriage affair-free.

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