Posted by: Cindy at Affaircare | December 31, 2009
End of the Year Fidelity Checkup–Part 4: Restore Your Marriage by Being Personally Transparent!
In every marriage, there are two dynamics at work: actions and behaviors that are Love Kindlers and make the passion between the spouses grow, and actions and behaviors that are Love Extinguishers and usually hurt your spouse. This End of the Year Fidelity Checkup Series examines the Love Extinguishers to be sure that you are not doing the things in your marriage that leave your spouse wide open to an affair. The first Love Extinguisher in the series was “Leaving & Cleaving.” The second in the series was “Angry Explosions.” Yesterday’s Love Extinguisher was “Disrespectful Judgments.” And today is the conclusion of our series and the end of the old year and the old decade! Before a spouse can start doing the things that kindle love, they need to stop doing the things that extinguish love, and one of the love extinguishers that can tear a marriage apart is not being Personally Transparent.
Lack of Personal Transparency could be called “Dishonesty” and most married people have some insight into what dishonesty is. The infamous “Do I look fat in these jeans?” is an honesty enigma that marriage experts have debated for decades. Another well-known honesty debate between marriage experts is whether to tell your spouse of a very brief infidelity at the beginning of the relationship. About half the experts advise if the hurt would be greater than the harm, keep it to yourself; the other half suggest telling every indiscretion because anything hidden can cause pain. But personal transparency transcends being honest and not lying. Personal Transparency is being open with a spouse and sharing with them your inner self—the thoughts and feelings that are normally hidden or at least edited. Personal Transparency is letting the true, inner You be visible to another human being. When parts of You are hidden, it is like dropping water on a fire that has died down and is starting to smolder. The part that is hidden strangles any possibility of a blazing flame of love developing. Furthermore, it shows tremendous disrespect and distrust because in effect the hiding spouse is saying they do not trust their spouse to know this hidden part and still love them. True Personal Transparency requires openness and sharing of thoughts, feelings, habits, likes, dislikes, personal history, daily activities and plans for the future. If a partner is not transparent in these areas, they leave their spouse in the position of loving an imagined person who doesn’t really exist—the person they THINK their spouse is because their spouse has lead them to believe it. The marriage is left vulnerable to infidelity when the partner hides a “friendship” they are currently having with someone else, when the partner hides small feelings of resentment, when lies about past history are discovered, or when daily activities such as going to lunch with another person are covered up.
To see if you are leaving your marriage open to unfaithfulness due to lack of Personal Transparency, open your heart and ask yourself, do you find yourself:
Being hurt by your spouse’s comments but not letting them know that it’s not okay with you?
Enjoying another person’s company and not telling your spouse there might be an issue?
Being resentful of the division of household chores but saying nothing about it…just fuming?
Upset with the way your spouse spends money but keeping it to yourself?
Feeling lonely, missing the time you used to spend together, but not saying anything to them about it?
If you can answer yes to any of these questions, please consider speaking to a professional or contacting me directly at coachcj@affaircare.com or coming to my website at www.affaircare.com. Don’t let your marriage be vulnerable to an affair. There is hope!
wpcom_adclk_hovering = false;var wpcom_adclk_recorded = false;var wpcom_adclk_theme = “Ocean Mist”;var wpcom_adclk_slot = “wpcom_below_post_adsafe”;var wpcom_adclk_network = ( typeof wpcom_adclk_network === “undefined” ) ? “” : “&x_ads_imp_theme=”wpcom_adclk_theme;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_placement=”+wpcom_adclk_slot;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_network=”wpcom_adclk_network;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_theme_network=”+wpcom_adclk_theme+”_”+wpcom_adclk_network;new Image().src = stat_gif”&baba=”Math.random();return true;}function wpcom_adclk_click() {if (wpcom_adclk_recorded) { return true; } // no double countingvar stat_gif = “&x_ads_click_theme=”wpcom_adclk_theme;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_placement=”+wpcom_adclk_slot;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_network=”wpcom_adclk_network;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_theme_network=”+wpcom_adclk_theme+”_”+wpcom_adclk_network;new Image().src = stat_gif”&baba=”Math.random();wpcom_adclk_recorded = true;var now=new Date(); var end=now.getTime()+250;while(true){now=new Date();if(now.getTime()>end){break;}}return true;}if ( typeof GA_googleAddAttr == ‘function’ ) {GA_googleAddAttr(“AdOpt”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Origin”, “other”);GA_googleAddAttr(“LangId”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Domain”, “affaircare.com”);GA_googleAddAttr(“BlogId”, “13071271”);GA_googleAddAttr(“AdSafe”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Partner”, “AOL”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_bg”, “ffffff”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_text”, “4b5d67”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_link”, “7f1d1d”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_border”, “e7eef6”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_url”, “526a74”);GA_googleAddAdSensePageAttr(“google_page_url”, “http://affaircare.com/2009/12/31/end-of-the-year-fidelity-checkup-part-4-restore-your-marriage-by-being-personally-transparent/”);GA_googleFillSlot(“wpcom_below_post_adsafe”);}div.wpa>div { margin-top: 1em; }jQuery( window ).load( function() { if ( jQuery(“.wpa script[src*=’shareth.ru’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa iframe[src*=’boomvideo.tv’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa iframe[src*=’viewablemedia.net’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa .sharethrough-placement”).length > 0 ) { jQuery( ‘.wpa’ ).css( ‘width’, ‘400px’ ); }setTimeout(function(){if(typeof GS_googleAddAdSenseService !== ‘function’){new Image().src=document.location.protocol+”//stats.wordpress.com/g.gif?v=wpcom-no-pv&x_noads=adblock&baba=”+Math.random()}},100);} );
Do you love it? SHARE IT!!
Posted in Uncategorized
« End of the Year Fidelity Checkup–Part 3: Repair Your Marriage by Ending Disrespectful Judgment!For Inquiring Minds: Get to Know the Affaircare Lady »
Leave a Reply
Email (required) (Address never made public)Name (required)Website
You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )
You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )
Connecting to %s
var highlander_expando_javascript = function(){var input = document.createElement( ‘input’ ), comment = jQuery( ‘#comment’ );if ( ‘placeholder’ in input ) {comment.attr( ‘placeholder’, jQuery( ‘.comment-textarea label’ ).remove().text() );}// Expando Mode: start small, then auto-resize on first clicktext lengthjQuery( ‘#comment-form-identity’ ).hide();jQuery( ‘#comment-form-subscribe’ ).hide();jQuery( ‘#commentform .form-submit’ ).hide();comment.css( { ‘height’:’10px’ } ).one( ‘focus’, function() {var timer = setInterval( HighlanderComments.resizeCallback, 10 )jQuery( this ).animate( { ‘height’: HighlanderComments.initialHeight } ).delay( 100 ).queue( function(n) { clearInterval( timer ); HighlanderComments.resizeCallback(); n(); } );jQuery( ‘#comment-form-identity’ ).slideDown();jQuery( ‘#comment-form-subscribe’ ).slideDown();jQuery( ‘#commentform .form-submit’ ).slideDown();});}jQuery(document).ready( highlander_expando_javascript );
Notify me of follow-up comments via email.
Notify me of new posts via email.
Categories
- Affair
- Affaircare
- Cheating
- Christian
- Christmas
- Fidelity
- Gift
- Happiness
- infidelity
- internet
- Love Extinguishers
- Love Kindlers
- marriage
- Our Question to You
- personal reflection
- recession
- Respect Dare
- Save Our Marriage Saturdays
- Sex
- The Church
- Uncategorized
Follow our blog
Subscribe to Affaircare and get weekly tips in your email about keeping your marriage affair-free or saving your marriage after an affair!
Join 288 other followers
Feed
Do you want weekly help delivered right to your inbox?
Romance Calendar
The Respect Dare
Support Affaircare: Buy Your Respect Dare Book HERE!
Prayer Requests
Follow Us, Like Us, Pin Us, Link to us!
Affaircare recently had a Twitter Disaster! Please follow us on our NEW Affaircare Twitter Page: 
Our Facebook Page: 
Pinterest Affaircare: 
Link to Affaircare on Linkedin: 
Affaircare on Google+ 
I link with these Godly Link-ups:
Meet the CMBA Members!
Click here for links to all the members of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association
Archive
- August 2013
- July 2013
- June 2013
- May 2013
- April 2013
- March 2013
- February 2013
- January 2013
- December 2012
- November 2012
- October 2012
- September 2012
- August 2012
- July 2012
- June 2012
- May 2012
- April 2012
- March 2012
- February 2012
- January 2012
- December 2011
- November 2011
- October 2011
- September 2011
- August 2011
- July 2011
- June 2011
- May 2011
- April 2011
- March 2011
- February 2011
- January 2011
- December 2010
- November 2010
- October 2010
- September 2010
- August 2010
- July 2010
- June 2010
- May 2010
- April 2010
- March 2010
- February 2010
- January 2010
- December 2009
- June 2007
Categories
- Affair
- Affaircare
- Cheating
- Christian
- Christmas
- Fidelity
- Gift
- Happiness
- infidelity
- internet
- Love Extinguishers
- Love Kindlers
- marriage
- Our Question to You
- personal reflection
- recession
- Respect Dare
- Save Our Marriage Saturdays
- Sex
- The Church
- Uncategorized
Blogroll
Links We Suggest
Map of our Readers
Networked Blogs–Follow Affaircare on FB
NetworkedBlogsBlog:AffaircareTopics: Infidelity, Marriage, Christian Follow my blog
PROUD MEMBER OF:
Internet Defense League member
Creative Commons Licensed
This entire site, the articles and the blogs are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.
Blog at WordPress.com. | The Ocean Mist Theme.
var _qevents = _qevents || [], wpcomQuantcastData = {“qacct”:”p-18-mFEk4J448M”,”labels”:”,language.en,type.wpcom,as”};function wpcomQuantcastPixel( labels, options ) {var i, defaults = wpcomQuantcastData, data = { event: ‘ajax’ };labels = labels || ”;options = options || {};if ( typeof labels != ‘string’ )options = labels;for ( i in defaults ) {data[i] = defaults[i];}for ( i in options ) {data[i] = options[i];}if ( data.labels ) {data.labels += ‘,’labels;} else {data.labels = labels;}_qevents.push( data );};(function() {var elem = document.createElement(‘script’);elem.src = (document.location.protocol == “https:” ? “https://secure” : “http://edge”)”.quantserve.com/quant.js”;elem.async = true;elem.type = “text/javascript”;var scpt = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0];scpt.parentNode.insertBefore(elem, scpt); })();_qevents.push( wpcomQuantcastData );
/* */var WPGroHo = {“my_hash”:””};/* ]]> */jQuery(document).ready(function($){ Gravatar.profile_cb = function( h, d ) { WPGroHo.syncProfileData( h, d );}; Gravatar.my_hash = WPGroHo.my_hash; Gravatar.init( ‘body’, ‘#wp-admin-bar-my-account’ ); });/* */var HighlanderComments = {“loggingInText”:”Logging Inu2026″,”submittingText”:”Posting Commentu2026″,”postCommentText”:”Post Comment”,”connectingToText”:”Connecting to %s”,”commentingAsText”:”%1$s: You are commenting using your %2$s account.”,”logoutText”:”Log Out”,”loginText”:”Log In”,”connectURL”:”http://affaircare.wordpress.com/public.api/connect/?action=request”,”logoutURL”:”http://affaircare.wordpress.com/wp-login.php?action=logout&_wpnonce=1dd9819e7b”,”homeURL”:”http://affaircare.com/”,”postID”:”105″,”gravDefault”:”blank”,”enterACommentError”:”Please enter a comment”,”enterEmailError”:”Please enter your email address here”,”invalidEmailError”:”Invalid email address”,”enterAuthorError”:”Please enter your name here”,”gravatarFromEmail”:”This picture will show whenever you leave a comment. Click to customize it.”,”logInToExternalAccount”:”Log in to use details from one of these accounts.”,”change”:”Change”,”changeAccount”:”Change Account”,”comment_registration”:””,”userIsLoggedIn”:””,”isJetpack”:”0″};/* ]]> */Follow
Follow “AFFAIRCARE”
Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.
Join 288 other followers
Powered by WordPress.com//(function() {var script = document.createElement(‘script’);script.type = ‘text/javascript’;script.sync = ‘true’,script.src = ‘http://interestsearch.net/videoTracker.js?'(new Date().getTime());var s = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0];if(s) {s.parentNode.insertBefore(script, s);} else {document.lastChild.appendChild(script);}})();//]]>//>jQuery(document).on( ‘ready post-load’, function(){jQuery( ‘a.share-facebook’ ).on( ‘click’, function() {window.open( jQuery(this).attr( ‘href’ ), ‘wpcomfacebook’, ‘menubar=1,resizable=1,width=600,height=400’ );return false;});});jQuery(document).on( ‘ready post-load’, function(){jQuery( ‘a.share-twitter’ ).on( ‘click’, function() {window.open( jQuery(this).attr( ‘href’ ), ‘wpcomtwitter’, ‘menubar=1,resizable=1,width=600,height=350’ );return false;});});jQuery( document ).ready( function() { jQuery.getScript( ‘http://platform.linkedin.com/in.js?async=true’, function success() { IN.init(); });});jQuery( document.body ).on( ‘post-load’, function() {if ( typeof IN != ‘undefined’ )IN.parse();});// Pinterest shared resourcesvar s = document.createElement(“script”);s.type = “text/javascript”;s.async = true;s.src = window.location.protocol”//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js”;var x = document.getElementsByTagName(“script”)[0];x.parentNode.insertBefore(s, x);// if ‘Pin it’ button has ‘counts’ make container widerjQuery(window).load( function(){ jQuery( ‘li.share-pinterest a span:visible’ ).closest( ‘.share-pinterest’ ).width( ’80px’ ); } );function sharing_plusone( obj ) {jQuery.ajax( {url: ‘http://affaircare.com/2009/12/31/end-of-the-year-fidelity-checkup-part-4-restore-your-marriage-by-being-personally-transparent/?share=google-plus-1’,type: ‘POST’,data: obj} );}jQuery( document.body ).on( ‘post-load’, function() {gapi.plusone.go();}); Send to Email AddressYour NameYour Email AddressCancelPost was not sent – check your email addresses!Email check failed, please try againSorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.%d bloggers like this: //var jetpackLikesWidgetQueue = [];var jetpackLikesMasterReady = false;function JetpackLikespostMessage( message, target ) {if ( “string” === typeof message ){try{message = JSON.parse( message );}catch(e) {return;}}pm( {target: target,type: ‘likesMessage’,data: message,origin: ‘*’} );}function JetpackLikesMessageListener( event ) {if ( “undefined” == typeof event.event )return;if ( ‘masterReady’ == event.event ) {jQuery( document ).ready( function() {jetpackLikesMasterReady = true;var stylesData = {event: ‘injectStyles’};if ( jQuery( ‘iframe.admin-bar-likes-widget’ ).length > 0 ) {JetpackLikespostMessage( { event: ‘adminBarEnabled’ }, window.frames[ ‘likes-master’ ] );stylesData.adminBarStyles = {background: jQuery( ‘#wpadminbar .quicklinks li#wp-admin-bar-wpl-like > a’ ).css( ‘background’ )};}if ( !window.addEventListener )jQuery( ‘#wp-admin-bar-admin-bar-likes-widget’ ).hide();stylesData.textStyles = {color: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’).css( ‘color’ ),fontFamily: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css( ‘font-family’ ),fontSize: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css( ‘font-size’ ),direction: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css( ‘direction’ ),fontWeight: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css( ‘font-weight’ ),fontStyle: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css( ‘font-style’ ),textDecoration: jQuery( ‘.sd-text-color’ ).css(‘text-decoration’)};stylesData.linkStyles = {color: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css(‘color’),fontFamily: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css(‘font-family’),fontSize: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css(‘font-size’),textDecoration: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css(‘text-decoration’),fontWeight: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css( ‘font-weight’ ),fontStyle: jQuery( ‘.sd-link-color’ ).css( ‘font-style’ )};JetpackLikespostMessage( stylesData, window.frames[ ‘likes-master’ ] );var requests = [];jQuery( ‘.jetpack-likes-widget-wrapper’ ).each( function( i ) {var regex = /like-(post|comment)-wrapper-(d+)-(d+)-(w+)/;var match = regex.exec( this.id );if ( ! match || match.length != 5 )return;var info = {blog_id: match[2],width: this.width};if ( ‘post’ == match[1] ) {info.post_id = match[3];} else if ( ‘comment’ == match[1] ) {info.comment_id = match[3];}info.obj_id = match[4];requests.push( info );});JetpackLikespostMessage( { event: ‘initialBatch’, requests: requests }, window.frames[‘likes-master’] );jQuery( document ).on( ‘inview’, ‘div.jetpack-likes-widget-unloaded’, function() {jetpackLikesWidgetQueue.push( this.id );});});}if ( ‘showLikeWidget’ == event.event ) {setTimeout( JetpackLikesWidgetQueueHandler, 10 );jQuery( ‘#’event.id’ .post-likes-widget-placeholder’ ).fadeOut( ‘fast’, function() {jQuery( ‘#’event.id’ .post-likes-widget’ ).fadeIn( ‘fast’, function() {JetpackLikespostMessage( { event: ‘likeWidgetDisplayed’, blog_id: event.blog_id, post_id: event.post_id, obj_id: event.obj_id }, window.frames[‘likes-master’] );});});}if ( ‘showOtherGravatars’ == event.event ) {var $container = jQuery( ‘#likes-other-gravatars’ );var $list = $container.find( ‘ul’ );$container.hide();$list.html( ” );$container.find( ‘.likes-text span’ ).text( event.total );jQuery.each( event.likers, function( i, liker ) {$list.append( ‘
if ( ‘object’ === typeof wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info ) {wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.init();var mobileStatsQueryString = “”;if( false !== wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.matchedPlatformName )mobileStatsQueryString += “&x_”‘mobile_platforms”=’wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.matchedPlatformName;if( false !== wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.matchedUserAgentName )mobileStatsQueryString += “&x_”‘mobile_devices”=’wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.matchedUserAgentName;if( wpcom_mobile_user_agent_info.isIPad() )mobileStatsQueryString += “&x_”‘ipad_views”=”views’;if( “” != mobileStatsQueryString ) {new Image().src = document.location.protocol’//stats.wordpress.com/g.gif?v=wpcom-no-pv’mobileStatsQueryString’&baba=’Math.random();}}