Your spouse had an affair. You followed the steps to end the affair, and now you and your spouse have made the decision to try to save your marriage and recover. You listened to our series about Recovering After an Affair. But now you want to learn more about the tools you can use to help you reconcile (the final step).
Today we continue our five-week series all about the Reconciliation tools, how to use them, and why they are helpful. Although there is no guarantee your marriage will be saved, but these tools can help you build a new, more healthy marriage.
In today’s episode we talk about the third tool–the Love Extinguishers Quiz, by Affaircare!
Love Extinguishers are actions that people do that are more likely to quench the fire of love like putting water on a fire. They are when we treat our spouses poorly, disrespectfully or abusively. There are seven areas of neglect that we’ve identified as Love Extinguishers:
1. Emotional Neglect
2. Spiritual Neglect
3. Physical Neglect
4. Financial Neglect
5. Family Neglect
6. Social Neglect
7. Security Neglect
You can find links to the Love Extinguishers Quiz on our Affaircare Quizzes page, or
Here is a link to the Love Extinguishers–What Are They? article so you can learn more about them.
Both you and your spouse should take the quiz. We recommend that you both print the quiz and take it! You answer for the way your spouse acts toward you, and your spouse answer for the way you act toward them. Then we recommend that you find a time to talk that is calm and relaxing, during which you will not be interrupted, and you both know you are going to talk about Love Extinguishers, and exchange quizzes. Wives let your husbands see what you truly think and feel–likewise husbands let your wives see what you truly think and feel.
As you come together to talk about your quizzes, bear in mind that what you read is likely to possibly hurt you, and likewise it is possible that your spouse will be hurt by reading what you wrote–even if it is true! But one of the things we are working to rebuild is transparency, so we are asking you to practice being honest in a situation that is a bit hard. Make it safe for your spouse to be honest with you inthe little things, and they will be honest with you in the bigger things.
So, no matter what you spouse says on the quiz, commit to telling your spouse “Thank you for telling me the truth. I will think about what you’ve said.” Then, think of what you are willing to do to change in those areas that are extinguishing the love for your spouse, and the two of you work out a plan together. How are you going to work on this TOGETHER?
Other podcasts in the Reconciliation Tools series:
- Reconciliation Tool #1: Myers-Briggs Personality Test
- Reconciliation Tool #2: Five Love Languages Quiz
The Recovering After an Affair Series:
- Recovering After an Affair: Pre-Reconciliation
- Recovering After an Affair: Commitment
- Recovering After an Affair: Forgiveness
- Recovering After an Affair: Take Some Time
- Recovering After an Affair: Mutual United Understanding
- Recovering After an Affair: W-T-F-S
- Recovering After an Affair: Selfless, Selfish, and Self-aware Mode
- Recovering After an Affair: Recovery Tools