When a Disloyal Spouse ends the affair and decides to reconcile, they often can not understand why their Loyal Spouse keeps bringing it up, asking question, and not moving on. Why not just “get over it” and let the marriage be the way it was?
This image helps explain why. To the Disloyal Spouse, they knew what was going on the whole time; they saw the bigger picture. But to the Loyal Spouse, the bigger picture was hidden from them (the Disloyal lied about who they were with, what they were doing, where they were, when they’d be at certain locations, etc.) — or the Loyal Spouse just didn’t want to admit the truth to them self and frankly denied what was obvious! Either way this is NEW INFO to them.
The Disloyal Spouse did the damage. They “threw the plate on the ground.” The Loyal Spouse is the plate. They are broken into a zillion pieces. And even though they do want to hear the regret for breaking the plate (how sorry you are, how you’ll never do it again, that you regret what you did and what you said)–that IN NO WAY repairs the plate! The plate is still completely shattered!
Taking the time to glue the pieces back together is what repairs the plate, and even then it’s not “like it was.” It may be weaker. It may have scars. Maybe you can’t use the plate in the microwave because it’s not as tough as it used to be… But yelling at the plate because it’s not gluing itself back together, or telling the plate it should just “move on” from being shattered, still in no way repairs the plate!
If you have questions, leave them in the comments and we’d be happy to explain more.