…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

September 1, 2013 by 4 Comments


If you are a Loyal Spouse:  After reading
What It Feels Like to Discover That Your Spouse is Cheating would you say it’s accurate?  Is that what it felt like for you? 

If you are a Disloyal Spouse: After reading What It Feels Like to Discover That Your Spouse is Cheating did you know that’s what it felt like for your spouse?  Did you learn something new?

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4 thoughts on “Question of the Week: Sept. 1st – 7th”

  1. Mara
    September 2, 2013 at 12:02 AM

    My initial response was one of relief. I had known something was not right for weeks. I had asked him several times if there was someone else. He denied each time. So when he confessed, this knot in my stomach disappeared. The devastation came that evening or the next day.


  2. Lola
    September 2, 2013 at 12:20 AM

    I was going to share this with others on another site then I remembered that one poor woman had lost her son suddenly …before she discovered her husband’s adultery .,…so sad!

    I cannot imagine her pain and do not want to .

    However discovery of my husband’s 14 year adultery suddenly and unexpectedly .,…by way of finding pictures of the two children she had by him …wanting to be a ‘single mom by choice” as a self proclaimed extreme leftest….I am still indelibly imprinted with the memory of the bottom dropping out of my life.

    I had always tried to live life according to the Word of GOD in my marriage . Efforts which were not matched by my husband after the ‘work’ of marriage set in.

    I have continued in our marriage with the effort to do as the Lord would have me to do ….now 6 years and counting past D DAY ….He lives in our home but mostly attends to work, the children of the OW and eats and sleeps at our home….does not like to make eye contact with me.

    This is hard …being married …still loving my husband but awaiting him to ‘come to’ the realization that his responsibility to the other children does not mean his wife and children do not need his involvement.

    It is sad and hard but I am continuing in my walk and to learn and grow how to live according to the Lord’s ways.

    The moment of discovery was indeed like the world stopped ….I prayed I would not collapse and that the Lord would grant me the strength to keep going if only for the sake of my daughters who live with us though adults.

    The repercussions even though our children are in their twenties is profoundly sorrowful …They are strong believers and continue to learn how to navigate life through their faith but this is one HUGE “hit’ for us all.

    It is as if the whole 33 years I devoted to our marriage and my family was lost on my husband entirely. Learning to trust him is actually not as hard now as learning to trust my own judgment since he was so adept at deceiving me as well as everyone else.

    It is at once a starting over with the Lord to learn how many ways I was deceived and starting over in dealing with all relationships .

    It is a lonely life losing the marriage and family you were led to believe by the stealth manipulation of your reality for so long by someone who you felt had too much pride in his own integrity and too much care for his family to be capable of such a thing.

    My husband is indeed an over achiever and in this too he excelled beyond what most men would dare to do ….The OW demonstrated no particular care for children of ours or even her own.

    What depth of darkness this sin develops in people’s minds! So sad …they are “empty suits’ in many ways .

    There does not appear to be any ‘there THERE” in them.


  3. bombladoze
    September 2, 2013 at 4:07 PM

    i think its a fairly accurate comparison in terms of communicating to pain to a wayward spouse.

    but ill take an affair, or ten. any day over losing a child though.


  4. Joe
    March 2, 2014 at 1:45 PM

    I think it’s pretty accurate in describing the sucker punch. And though I agree with bombladoze that losing a child would and should be worse, sometimes I think the death of my spouse would be easier to handle than her infidelity has been. It’s been 2 years since I discovered her affair, and more than a year and a half since she left, but the pain of her betrayal is as bad now as it was at the beginning. If she had died, and I knew that she died still loving me, I think I’d feel better and be able to “move on” quicker. As it is, I’ve lost her, and I lost her through her own choice.

    Lola, I’m so sorry to hear your story. Your pain must be renewed every day.


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