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AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

August 4, 2013 by Leave a comment

mission

It’s Day Four of the Respect Dare here at Affaircare, and we are joining with Jennifer at Unbroken Woman as she leads us through Nina Roesner’s The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband.”  Jennifer is over half way through her Respect Dare, but here at Affaircare we are looking at this Dare with just a little twist: how do our childhood scars relate to infidelity? What can we learn to keep our marriages affair-free OR bring them back from the brink of unfaithfulness? Or if that has been an affair, can learning about our pasts free a couple to help  them rebuild?

To join us on our Affaircare Respect Dare journey, please get Nina’s book (or e-book) and all the info by CLICKING HERE.

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In Nina Roesner’s book she say’s “He (God) has a specific purposes in mind that you were specially created to breathe life into for His people and His Glory.”

Another thing Nina say’s is “if you are married, one purpose for your life is to become Holy within the context of your marriage, shining His light to the world.”

It is EXTREMELY important to note that Nina says that if you are married, that your life’s purpose is “…within the context of your marriage…” because too often I’ve heard people say that God called them to leave their spouse so they could join with some other person at church and have a more effective ministry!  I’ve heard of churches and pastors who have looked the other way, knowing that one member of the choir is having an affair with the choir director, because they need the music ministry.  Seriously!  I can’t make this up!   And yet God has made it clear that He hates divorce and that we should not commit adultery–just look at the Ten Commandments.  If we are married, our life’s purpose is to shine HIS LIGHT within the context of our marriage.

This is not to say that you are expected to stay in a situation that is physically abusive or to continue in co-dependent or unhealthy dynamics.  Nope,  But how often have you heard people use the excuse of “abuse” and then come to find out that their spouse screamed at them for hours because they JUST found out about their adultery?!  So make no mistake–it is reasonable to be safe, but if you are married, your life purpose IS within your marriage…not with someone else.

Today, we are asked to use the assessment we did for Dare 3 and “write a positive purpose statement in the present tense, describing how and who you intend to be in four months.” “We are to keep them positive, avoiding “I’m no longer”, “I’m not”, or” I don’t” statements.  Write about two hundred words, being as descriptive as possible.”

When we’re finished, we are to rewrite it as a prayer and put it somewhere where we can see it at least once a day. “Begin the discipline of praying this statement as a daily prayer, from the heart, as you go through the remaining days of The Respect Dare.”

I love that we are asked to write this in the present tense, because although I may not perfectly display all the fruits of the spirit, guess what?  In real life, I AM a beloved daughter of the Most High God with the Holy Spirit living within me!  I am dead to sin and alive to God.  So this IS who I AM even if I am not fully sanctified yet.  For my vision statement, I’m using Galatians 5: 22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I am loving toward my husband, my children, my neighbors, and myself.  By “love” I mean agape–Godly love, the kind of love that serves and is looking out for the other person’s highest best, even when they don’t want to hear it and it is hard. Love is helping others to obey God and love Him.

I am filled with joy, which is joy because of God’s grace, delighting in Him.  He’s literally the cause of my joy, not others, not my possessions, and not my circumstances.

I am peaceful, as in a wholesome sense of wellness and peace of mind.  Tranquility; a mild and friendly spirit.  Hey, let’s be honest.  When most people would be worried or stressed out, I am calm and at peace because I know that My Father is completely sovereign and has it all in His control!

I am patient, meaning I have tolerance and stay-power that is only produced by God.  If there are troubles, I can bare them and you know what?  Still be filled with joy!

I am kind.  You know what this one is?  Meeting real needs, in God’s way, in His timing.  It’s being useful to other people.

I am good, and I don’t mean that “righteous” kind of good.  I mean that kind where it’s a personal characteristic, like doing “good works” and behaving in a morally excellent way.

I am faithful, trustworthy, reliable, someone who keeps her promises.  My word is my guarantee.

I am gentle.  I LOVE this one!!!  This means I have divine power expressed with reservation and mildness; meekness.

I have self-control.  This one I take to mean that as a Believer I have mastery over my natural self, my old nature.  I have self-restraint; true mastery from within.

Now to see what other’s have written about Respect Dare Day 2, here are some links:

The Respect Dare, Day 4 – A Godly Purpose Statement by PeacefulWife
The Respect Dare – Day 4 by Tiffani at My Beloved is Mine
Dare 2 ~Vision~  by Jennifer at Unbroken Woman (our “Fearless Leader”)
The Respect Dare: Day Two by Orenda at Broken But Not Forgotten
Day 4 by Kamila at Your Marriage Is Your First Ministry
Respect Dare 4: Who I Will Become by Forgiven Wife

The RESPECT DARE blog … with Nina Roesner

In the comments below, please share thoughts and where we can pray for you. If it is private, please email us at affaircare@gmail.com or share your prayer request with us anonymously.

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