…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

8 thoughts on “Question of the Week: July 28th – August 3rd

  1. How nice it would be if character training were such that this would not be necessary…but the cost of adultery in so many aspects to the marriage , the family and society is such that there should be some penalty for sure!

    Adultery breaks all of the commandments, brings shame to the Lord who intended marriage to be a representative of His loving relationship with His bride the church.

    Adultery and no fault divorce has brought upon us all the rotten fruit of children growing up having to ‘accept’ a blended family often without having been considered it is foisted upon them to accept as ‘normal’ this scourge .

    The only godly reason for any blended family form is upon the widowhood of a spouse.

    To train children to accept this as ‘normal’ or ‘doable’ was partly that which influenced my own husband to think little of having children with the OW …just because SHE wanted children and ‘he owed’ them to her since he ‘used up’ years when she might have met someone else’ which s a LIE since her decision to get involved with a MM was up front and she did not WANT a marriage …Children were her means to the end of money for a lengthy time without having to ‘bother with marriage !

    Her own words in email I found.

    Jail time or a hefty fine would be SOME deterrent since society has failed to condemn this wickedness.

  2. That’s silly. What is this? An Islamic Republic??

    The effect of that would be simply this: Nobody would get married. Why should they? There are precious few advantages now, and as far as most men are concerned, a lot of pitfalls. Criminalizing adultery would snuff off most marriages.

    Infidelity usually carries enough penalties, inside and out.

  3. Adultery IS illegal in some states, and it should be in ALL states IMO. My husband cheater and his cheating partner destroyed my life as I knew it – would’ve been kinder had they just killed me, yet in my state there is only ‘no fault divorce’. And the whore just walked away with no punishment, yet me, the innocent, is destroyed. Marriage is a legal contract. That is why the government is all involved in Gay marriage issues. The religious aspect of it is aside of the fact that it is a legal union of 2 people. My husband should pay for the fact that he lied and snuck around and could have given me some disease and humiliated me and our children – as should the married whore he slept with. Marriage is about commitment. Otherwise, why is there marriage, and there should be punishment for breaking that commitment! Heck, my neighbors get fined for not mowing their lawn, and that is NOTHING compared to cheating on your spouse!! If you want to screw around, then get divorced or don’t get married. I shouldn’t have to pay for HIS sins!

  4. It seems that you have had little of the devastation effect your heart and life to say it is ‘SILLY”. Despite the fact that MANY now have turned away from self restraint and self governing to follow their lusts and society has actually made MUCH income from that devastation there actually is a much worse consequence to unrepentant adultery than people realize.

    Whether people BELIEVE it or not adultery is a snare and a cruel taskmaster.

    In rejecting having The LORD as lord people have followed their appetites into addictions to sinful offerings of various kinds to their own destruction

    I suppose you have a good point though , if people do not care enough to learn how the Word of GOD is PROTECTIVE and not ‘restrictive’ in terms of getting pleasures for the sake of pleasure as their ‘purpose of life’ and they do not mind using others no matter WHAT kind of heartbreak and wrechage they cause just so they CAN get what they want for their own consumption….AND they do not consider that GOD has placed plenty of indication that even if the world ‘s cultures do not inhibit this CRIME by way of any kind of restrictive civil penalties THEN of course you are right…If a person will not have the LORD as their personal guide and Savior not only from damnation but from destroying themselves through indulgence of every kind despite the cost to themselves and others then a bit of jail time or financial penalty will probably not hinder them.

    The powerful effect of letting oneself ‘loose’ to sin is likened to a camel or ass in HEAT wherein a person will not be restrained from sinful living .

    In fact the first place we are told that we are in need of putting ‘reins’ upon our ways is IN THE MIND . It is in the mind that there are triggers which were intended to bring a man’s heart to a maid [in this day we know about the hormonal effects of a man beginning to fantasize or think on a woman just by way of her appearance..>THUS Jesus warned men to guard their hearts by way of being aware of what they look upon and begin to ‘,lust after’ as it was a sure departure working within to bring about either more interest in the woman desired [to be the wife] or if he dotes upon another woman who is NOT HIS wife ..even if she is not someone elese’s wife …then it is a violation of HIMSELF and if married HIS vows to his wife.

    This is one of the reasons that pornography is so destructive in that it begins to work discontent in the mind of the person who is looking at it for comparisons along with some kind of action to continue ‘fulfilling’ the lust brings about dissatisfaction and neglect of the marriage relationship.

    In the case of women the various ways of awakening lust is often times through mental fantasies of what love is that are based more on romance and emotional scenarios.

    More and more as the culture moves away from biblical wisdom and guides in how to live life people are fed by media and peer group influences which derive most of what is believed by the senses soaking in the godliess culture of the world .

    As one who went through the sixties I know the powerful effects of the various encouragments to sin that abound in the world , then coming into a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ I began to learn how much we have not learned and thus not known about WHAT LOVE is …What SIN is …which I had not realized even was a ‘thing’ …but through much devastation from a life that many would not say was ‘too bad’ and then the various ‘ah ha’s ‘ that the Word of GOD has brought about I see that people who believe there is nothing wrong with sin or do not believe in it …STILL get burned by it and some are at length held in it as a ‘prison ‘ of sensations which keep on going back into it .

    Only when we see the truth about WHAT marriage IS and how it is supposed to work to satisfy with our cooperation and applying the truth will a person APPRECIATE marriage for what it actually is and HOW GOOD and BENEFICIAL it is …for more reasons than the wonderful romantic and emotional benefits and the deeply moving and satisfying sexual aspect that is to grow out of the RELATIONSHIP that is growing by the ways that marriage fidelity and being willing to learn from GOD how to keep those vows!

    Today we find that people are assuming that God’s whole purpose and desire for us that we be ‘happy’ and ‘comfortable’ this has led to believing that if we are not ‘happy’ then we are permitted to do anything to ‘be happy’ no matter what !

    This is a LIE and a DECEPTION .

    It seems many people expect marriage to be like a ‘thing’ rather than a priviledge and a responsiblity like any other aspect of life that is worthwhile .

    There is an expectation that God is like some big VENDING machine in the sky that SHOULD give us what we desire or if something that appeals to us comes across our path that it is ‘meant to be’ whether it belongs to someone else or not!

    BELONGING seems to be one of the deceptions that I heard lately that no one belongs to anyone else because we are all individuals and independent ..and we do not believe in ‘owning ‘ anyone else …>True to a point YET in the Bible the husband and wife are ONE FLESH …and in addition to that GOD tells us that ‘you are not your own you have been bought with a price ….’ …The husband does not have the authority over his own body but the wife and vice versa ‘ This is not to say we ‘OWN ” the other but are STEWARDS of a precious life which we VOW to take the best care of in all respects for a life time’

    At the very least we all have heard of the ‘golden rule’ , even as a child!

    Even a child knows it is wrong to take what belongs to another.

    Adultery STEALS from the spouse, the family the time ,energy , resources meant for the marriage and family and drains off every goodness that the marriage has been provided for it to flourish ..yet each person is to be responsible and IS ACCOUNTABLE in eternity if not here in this world for HOW they keep their vows and live their lives in response to the way GOD has set forth …believers or UNbelievers.

    Why? Because there are not excuses now …the creation speaks of a first cause Creator …and the conscience speaks of the truth that everyone KNOWS that adultery is WRONG no matter HOW many people agree to it being ‘doable

    The Old Testament set forth the penalties that were enacted that we might see the condemnation that as you have pointed out are not just part of biblical records . Societies which do not adhere to the keeping of vows of marriage fidelity have eventually dissipated and fallen into ruin.

    When people disregard the Word of GOD and His standards which are wise …there is a resulting disaster sooner or later in the lives of those who take advantage of their opportunities to indulge in their feelings and desires outside of the protective boundaries that marriage and morals provide.

    I have sadly been witness to countless lives of people who indulged in adultery and the devastation to themselves and to their children that has followed.

    Many so called ‘blended families’ created out of adulterous behavior or infidelity of some kind that fomented dissatisfaction for one’s spouse has brought pressure to bare upon children of these unkind unions…No matter how good these ‘blended families’ may appear to be the bottom line is that the children have little choice in accepting as ‘norm’ and ‘acceptable’ what is a sinful union ….unless it is a result of widowhood.

    The childhood that is experienced in our society which is now plentiful with blended families has reared a generation or two or three which takes the idea of marriage very lightly and sexual union as a ‘recreational activities rather than a sacred bonding resulting from a depth of knowledge of another person which honors their value as an eternal SOUL and a multifaceted PERSON which is not known or fully appreciated by a few interactions until there is a flaw found in them!

    People grow up with instant gratification as a ‘right’ and self serving as a ‘religion’ rather than learning what it takes to really LOVE another person and thus all others ….It has been fed into their minds over the length of a life without learning or training of character to see all people as belonging to GOD and thus not taking advantage of any simply because we have a yen !

    As I mentioned above , if we think that just because someone ‘catches our eye’ that it is open season …whether they or we are married or not then how is that any different than me seeing a Ferrari cross my path and deciding that if I can get the keys away from that person then it ‘must be meant for me “!

    Stealing is STEALING and so far our society does seem to ‘curb’ most people’s lust to have what belongs to another by laws which cause even the weak charactered to pause before helping themselves.

    Human law is something that is meant to help those whose character is weak to be restrained if for no other reason than to stay out of jail or avoid a fine.

    But as we see society making more and more allowances and provisions for people to lie, cheat, and steal …and less and less condemnation for immoral behaviors ….soon we will see less and less of what used to be assumed was a safe place to live or go.

    Detroit is a good example of how people have moved away as laws were broken and left unaddressed . The whole city has been somewhat abandoned because of crime unbound .

    So this is what you believe would be bad thing ? To call into account people for breaking their word? When people live selfish and self centered lives respect for a man’s word declines.

    To wear away respect for a person’s word …depletes confidence in any words…and thus we see the direct target of the enemy of GOD Almighty as man may well ask .>”Hath God said’ ? and the decline into disregard for God’s Word is evidenced and recorded from Genesis onward.

    The point of this target is the LOGOS HIMSELF …the living Word of GOD who is Jesus Christ

    No wonder people thrash around trying to find some way to have peace or get ‘peace on earth ‘ …Peace peace where there IS NO peace ‘ because Humanism is NOT going to bring peace with GOD and thus there will be a constant shifting and rocking and reeling until this world is set aright …not-by the NEW AGE of “me -sim’ and bringing about a ‘better world’ through man ….and all of his devises…for as Jesus Christ said …”MY kingdom is NOT OF THIS WORLD ‘ ….man’s best efforts to bring about the utopia which he has in mind is not within him ” it is not IN man to direct his ways’ .

    When I need my car worked on I must go to someone who knows HOW it is made and how it runs best ….The Creator has not just set us here and departed …Jesus Christ has told us that HE will NEVER leave us nor forsake us but he also has not only given us the truth of how to gain peace with GOD and to live rightly while in this world …but he has provided ALL things for life and a godly relationship with HIMSELF and with others by way of the knowledge that has been ‘God breathed ‘ and recorded in the Bible.

    People have been persuaded that this is ‘just a book written by men’ …interesting that this is just another form of the same old lie from the Father of lies…he is not an original …his lies are still the same in every venue of life…The question he set before Eve was ‘Hath God said’ and that seed intended to turn man from investigating for himself what GOD HAS said and does willingly offer to any who are WILLING to seek …is not withheld by GOD ..

    If man is not meek to seek and receive instruction from the author of the Word of GOD HIMSELF ..asking Jesus Christ to give him understanding of what is written then as some do …he may have knowledge but it will do little to impact his heart ..and his mind.

    Most people realize that it takes time, perseverance , discipline and effort to succeed to any degree in any endeavor in life. One does not develop a six pack abs by watching the video but by consistent working out in ways that often are painful …yet productive

    Yet when the least demands in marriage come upon us we bale …seeking out an easy escape route …the woman in the next cubicle whose life at one point may be fraught with loneliness or even abuse…she looks good feel protective and then attracted to her because of HOW YOU FEEL when helping or when things go even more personal to intimate and then beyond.

    Meanwhile the wife at home begins to be damaged and wounded as the woman in the next cubicle takes more and more of your time and energy first in thought and then in time away from home. Soon you have your mind filled with the OP and the spouse must wonder at the growing distance and neglect .

    This is the ‘fun’ for the betrayed spouse that is only the beginning of the tear in the fabric of not just the marriage but the very heart of the spouse!

    The OP? If married the same damages are laid upon their spouse and children as less and less ‘presence’ is given to the wife, children and even the home . Things begin to show that damage …and the effects ripple out across other relationships because adultery not only steals from the spouse and family but steals integrity from the cheater….lies to cover more lies….lies extend beyond the spouse the children…to the friends and family …all get to have their reality ALTERED by the selfish deceitful lie that once was just a ‘caring ‘ for some other persons troubled life that was not taken to the ONE who could help them through without destroying other lives in the process!

    There are lots of ‘steps’ down into the abyss of adultery that are not hard to do once you understand the VALUE …and the purpose of life and marriage …a uniquely designed arena…a crucible to die to self and to enjoy the sweetness of a fruitful effort to love ONE person in the unique ways marriage offers to those who are wise enough to investigate the lost truths of our times

    Legislating morality ? Well we do in other dangerous and damaging aspects of our society …and in the old testament often the penalty enacted in human society was DEATH …Jesus Christ ‘s forgiveness also included ‘GO and SIN no more’ to the woman caught in adultery but was without any witnesses to her crime.

    The reason I understand for the extreme demonstrations of the Old Testament judgments were recorded for us to consider the depth of damage that this and the sin of murder which had the same penalty were going to bring about upon a whole society as we have seen even today ;.

    The ravages of death , disease, angry retaliations and destruction are only part of the problem ..the setting forth of examples that wear away the resolve of those who are teetering on the brink of giving in to what they KNOW to be wrong and destructive is also one of the reasons. God actually regarded this sin as a ‘PLAGUE upon the LAND” ..which if we are able to be truthful about it ..we observe the decline and ultimate the destruction of many places where debauchery has played out to that end.

    There is a point of satiation with sin that leave a person craving the next ‘high’ …one of the reasons some say they continued in adultery was that they simply felt compelled to experience that ‘high’ just one more time …we know that the hormonal ‘rush’ involved in sexual sin is limited …it has been named ‘limerance’ and also they have found that staying faithful in marriage and going through the seasons and times of ‘challenge’ actually may INCREASE this as well as other aspects of fulfillment that are simply not a part of adultery even after a very lengthy adultery .

    My husband had a 14 year adulterous arrangement with a woman who did not want marriage but wanted what she could get of the ‘cream’ off the top …the sex …and money which she also got as part of their agreement. She then wanted to quit working her day job and urged him to give her children so she could ‘exercise her reproductive ‘right’s ‘ and be a s”ingle mom by choice’ …

    She is not concerned about the children she got ..two …and leaves them alone much of the time …does not spend the money we give her for the children’s food and care but lives without working …THIS is only ONE of the fallouts of THEIR selfish lust and disregard for LIFE !

    There was not care for the children of OUR marriage and the losses we all suffered as he was ‘at work’ most of the time …and came home late ..too late to involve himself with our lives…but he was ‘working hard’ so we all pandered and pampered him while encouraging him to take time for us …he had no appetite for living the life of a husband and father in truth ..HE MISSED OUT

    NOW he hates the OW and does not have all that much to offer the children of that adultery try as he might to have some kind of ‘relationship’ ONE of the losses that he refused to see as a valuable experience was PARENTING

    He and the OW looked upon having children much like people who buy a dog and don’t know what they are getting into . They had no idea what it entails to actually raise and care for children and thus they did not think anything of having any outside wedlock

    My husband is not an ‘absent ‘ father to them any more than he was to ours but his whole attitude is that just treating children like any other employee is ‘enough!” It is beginning to show up in their lack of character and respect.

    So …it perpetuates damage…I taught our children about GOD , the Bible and all of the things of our society that they would encounter …at home we had the blessing and time to equip them with many truths which have held them in good stead despite the revelation of who and what their father is and was willing to do to creates an altered reality for us of who and what a ‘father ‘ is and how a man treats his wife! THESE are HUGE in terms of impacting our own ability to examine HOW we might have been so deceived.

    HE was clever and very intelligent in how he created a routine that was seemingly a necessity for his being able to support his family ..his personae was one that displayed care and fairness for others…all the while stealing from our family and basically putting us all in danger…

    Danger to our relationship …our finances [ gone now , mostly to the OW] our hearts , minds , health ..since she is unstable and he is more or less now ‘in bondage ‘ to her demands …extortion comes to mind …all of his life has been at risk as well as ours …His precious career too .

    SO ….no laws to protect ? Well GOD has laws which were to protect us but failing to govern one’s own life considering even one’s own safety if not that of one’s family …there seems to be some reason to believe we could benefit from SOME societal laws which would bring to bear the thought before the entry into such a terrible situation that touches all …adultery is one crime that is equated with MURDER in terms of it’s consequential damage to those who are touched by it ..even society at large!

    How unequal some of the laws of man are yet they are some protection against our impulses to serve our own desires without any thought …how many parking tickets do you need to pay before you think twice about parking in a no parking zone????

    • The one who thinks it is “silly” to be legally punished for cheating is a ‘wayward’ spouse – AKA the CHEATER, who obviously isn’t taking full responsibility yet, so of course they don’t think they deserve REAL punishment. I told my cheater husband that the only thing he could’ve done worse in our marriage was to abuse our children, and for THAT he would’ve gone to jail, but abusing me so? Nope. And it isn’t that I WANT him to go to jail or want his money or anything like that, I just believe if there was a law against I – REAL reprecussions that a cheater can visualize, maybe that will be a deterrent, because he “thought [I] wouldn’t care” because he “thought [I] didn’t love him”…. all the crap he made up in his head! Jail or fines or losing everything to his innocent wife isn’t something he can so easily dismiss…

  5. AMEN! Kristina….so sorry you got stung by this vile criminal action…..ME TOO!

    • Kristina…

      .I agree with you . The ‘real’ consequences that are actually MOST important ….are those they never consider because they are spiritual and unseen …for a time.

      The sense of sneaking , lying and hiding SHOULD indicate to them that they are in the wrong but in our society which glamorizes RISK taking as something desirable this actually seems to lend some kind of excitement and pleasure to the act.

      I have found that people who cheat use the SAME lines …even if they have not been ‘taking notes” from ‘Cheating 101’….I did not realize this but having now been seeking how to deal with this 6 years after D DAY I have read others woeful tales…read about infidelity till I have my PHD [Piled Higher and Deeper!] and I have a lengthy time studying my Bible [45 years] to seek how to live accordingly ..

      Guess what ! The reason all of them come up with the SAME OLD lying justifications is that ALL LIES come from the SAME SOURCE!

      The Bible calls him the ‘father of lies’ or the ‘devil’ !

      OF COURSE they are all using the same justifications and rationalization …The Bible tells us exactly what’s up ….but those who marry…love and trust their spouses….AND the Bible tells HOW they begin the slide into infidelity …it starts in the MIND …and the command to us is to CHANGE our minds by way of putting God’s thoughts into it and living by it.

      It also tells us that the CARNAL or NATURAL mind is prone to be deceived …by our own hearts….’FEELINGS” which are to be under the influence of the WORD of GOD!

      It is clearer to me now as I have been learning to SEE the truth about all the ways that this situation came about.

      If a person does not know or will not be taught or want to learn about this stuff….they have NO DEFENSE in their minds against the ‘suggestions’ and ‘influences ‘ that are working all around us to persuade us to DO what is so damaging to ourselves and others.

      I did not used to know WHAT ‘sin’ was …so much of the modern and post modern perspective is abounding in our world …since more and more people are illiterate of what the Bible teaches …over several generations of moving away from having respect for the Word of GOD ..even among those who were religious but did not look into the matters of God’s Word personally …relying upon teachers…many of whom were not Biblically grown but taught men’s doctrines…another ploy that works against those who seek to learn about GOD.

      I see that one of the most effective weapons of warfare of the Devil is to take up the pulpit and misrepresent God’s intentions …teaching for doctrine …the fables and doctrines of men!

      It was not so hard during times when people had no knowledge of GOD and only had some stories but were not taught or trained up to act upon those things…especially those things which work AGAINST our carnal desires to ‘have fun’ , ‘be happy, and basically enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle.

      Time and time again the Lord gave examples of the outcome of not just the pagans but His own people who would shun sound wisdom and counsel and seek teachers who would tell them what they wanted to hear …thus …doctrines that set aside the things that were considered ‘restrictive ‘ rather than the truth of those commands which were to PROTECT the person AND those who they were responsible to protect and care for.

      Having lived in my marriage , loving my husband and wanting him to be happy has pretty much raised up a ‘spoiled adolescent man’ ….this is nothing out of the ordinary today because when cultures move away from the command of GOD for FATHER’s to take up the training of their children ..especially SONS there is a lack of bringing young men to maturity and true manhood.

      Manhood today is fed to young men and old alike in the form of either passive or dominant living for self .

      What a contrast to the many MANY instructions to men as distinct RESPONSIBILITIES as being given one woman as a PRIVILEGE to LEARN about for the purpose of reflecting to him how he himself is doing in response to God’s command to LOVE HIS WIFE as HIS OWN BODY …and AS CHRIST loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF for her!

      I don’t know about you but I heard this message time and again and still did not realize that the MAN has singular responsibility for the condition of his marriage and family and it rests a whole lot upon HOW he obeys this command!

      In our gender neutralized culture …my husband did not HEAR this as addressed to husbands as MAN …but more understood as ‘mankind’ which was NOT what was intended…what is addressed to a man or men is many times if not always TO MEN …gender specific as they have been designed in specific ways and equipped with specific distinctions that BENEFIT from obeying and following specific instructions to husband’s and father FOR A REASON AND A PURPOSE GOD will work into their understanding ….I too was duped by cultural conditioning of my own lifetime in our culture which grew more and more away from the truths of GOD’ S Word …and humanism grew more and more dominant in our systems of learning .and media.

      We read scripture and knew it but the emphasis was upon the WIFE and HER ‘responsibility ‘ to “give her husband PLENTY of sex’ …wow….this is backwards.

      If a man does not treat his wife with love, honor, respect and NURTURE the sense of her value to himself not only will she be challenged in the area of opening up and feeling loved and RESPOND to his demonstrations and communications of love for her SINGULARLY distinct from his view of all others….BUT He will not be matured as well.

      His treatment of his wife is laid out clearly in the scriptures but men hear the women given this directive from the pulpit as if the WIFE is the one responsible for the condition of the marriage not matter WHAT the husband treats her like or how he lives …and they feel some justification to sin when she not longer ‘makes HIM HAPPY!”

      I have had it pointed out to me that marriage is truly not for making us happy ….as a follower of Christ we are given the trials as we walk along for us to GROW in selfless obedience to the Word which will instruct us .

      Going in we do not know what we do not know …we may THINK we know what is meant by God as ‘love’ but we have had a length of time in a fallen state in a fallen world to learn from the natural thoughts of man that love is always feel good , heat , passion and mostly focused upon sensual love.

      The Bible instructs us that God’s ways are NOT OUR ways but higher than our ways …same with thoughts…Thoughts are what drive our decisions thus we are commanded to think HIS thoughts and live accordingly.

      God has told us that ‘ this is love that you keep my commands ‘…His commands are ‘not grievous’ …why? Because they are NOT ‘restrictive ‘as human’s have been led to view them ..from EVE on down! Go see Eve’s decent into disobedience…it began with doubts about what did GOD say ” Hath God said????” are you sure you heard right ? After all it was Adam who heard from God ‘face to face’ and he conveyed this command to EVE….from comparing scripture we see that GOD made ALL trees good for food and pleasant to the eyes…but after Eve related the message in a way that left out a word of GOD …and added a word to God’s word and then changed a word…she no longer HAD the Word of GOD but some deformed form of it that allowed doubt of God ‘s goodness to enter in was not hard for the Serpent to contradict what GOD had said and then LIE To her offering her what she and Adam ALREADY had ….

      As those who were made in God’s image and had been given FREEDOM to CHOOSE to obey GOD thus indicating they trusted GOD to be their SOURCE of knowledge of what was good and evil’ they WERE ALREADY ‘like gods!”

      So when you observe what the scriptures reveal the way Eve began to use her EYES to look at what she now thought she was ‘missing’ ….you will see that she ALREADY HAD all trees that were ‘good for food and pleasant to the eyes ‘ and she ALREADY had access to GOD who is ALL wise.

      Being persuaded to think she was ‘missing ‘ something …and that GOD was ‘restricting something good from her ‘ she disobeyed the command. Some people say well Adam stood right there and did nothing the scriptures say he was ‘WITH ” her ….so why didn’t HE do something to stop this ? He was given the command to ‘keep the garden’ …why didn’t he step in and ‘take dominion over the Serpent’ ….? It may be he wanted Eve to take of the fruit and eat …and maybe thought ‘she was not THERE when God told me this command …so maybe she can take the fruit …I will watch to see what happens and if nothing happens I will get to taste it too!

      Maybe God will go easy on Eve because she did not hear from Him directly as I did …[remember Eve was not yet ‘taken out of Adam’ when GOD instructed him…AS HUSBAND he was given this privilege learn from GOD in order to obey the command to teach and protect his wife …IT is also an IMAGE of how Christ will teach and protect HIS bride..the church.

      ANYWAY the LIAR lured EVE the same way he tried to lie to Jesus when he was in the wilderness…and it is the SAME progressive deception that creeps into our minds when we do not know or do not have understanding or are unlearned or are rebellious against GOD”S WORD ..which is PROTECTIVE along with INSTRUCTIVE IF we will receive it with meekness because it is the ‘engrafted word that is able to save our souls’

      Saving us from not just eternal hell fire…yes I learned that is a real things….but saving us from damage to our own souls and lives ..and that of all those we have influence with ..which is everyone …even those we do not see in our immediate realm.

      This is one of the effects of casting away the knowledge of GOD …Humanistic curriculum has replaced the Word of GOD in training up now many generations so that now mankind through the ability of media has spread this anti biblical doctrine far and wide.

      The way man learns about the God who made all things is indeed GRACE and miraculous ..since once a child is raised up in a ‘way ‘ it is more and more likely he will not depart from it.

      God is over all and is all powerful but as far as man is concerned man is still given freedom to choose to seek who made all things or to accept that things just “ARE” and “BECAME” without a first cause.

      The Devil is a liar and a deceiver and he gained access to mankind to persuade the unlearned man who knows not God to take upon his thinking some pretty persuasive doctrines of demons ..among them are those things which lead man to believe and follow after his FLESH …three ‘battle fronts ‘ are useful to steal , kill, and destroy the soul of man who is made in the image of GOD ..the God who IS the CREATOR .

      Creation and the conscience of man indicate to man that there is some ‘thing’ or ‘some ONE ‘ who is over all and created all things.

      YET the liar has moved deliberately through time …through the ego of man to bring us to what is now identified as the ‘post modern ‘ or ‘post christian ‘ era where more and more generations know not God and are serving their carnal minds ‘vain imaginations ‘with resulting frustration, hopelessness and increasing lust to ‘find the way to be happy” ….to serve the world, the flesh and the Devil ” as the Word tells us is an empty and futile enterprise.

      The marriages that are failing to satisfy are not built upon the solid foundation of truth and so fail to provide what is a never ending appetite because life here on earth is not designed to be the Kingdom of Heaven and Jesus told us so!

      This world is fallen and being born into it sets us on a lengthy course to seek out the maker of it and ourselves and given the opportunity to live eternally and not as a citizen of this world in it’s fallen state.

      The ongoing effort of the one who THINKS he is ‘god’ aka the ‘god of this world ‘ is to take as many of the children of the true God to hell which was prepared for the Devil and his ‘angels’ because if you want to ‘get to the parent ‘ you attack the child’ ….YOU even said the only thing worse your husband could do to your heart was if he damaged your children…IN TRUTH HIS actions upon his lust and self serving needs to ‘self medicate ‘ his pouting self pity due to how HE created his OWN needs by not heeding and keeping his own responsibility to love GOD FIRST and YOU Second …has brought upon your children much damage !

      As a mother we are aware of this …my own children have to not only learn the man they loved and trusted his facade of integrity to be truthful and protective of their own lives and position as his children in his care….BUT OUR children have to deal with the fact that my husband WANTED , PLANNED and HAD TWO CHILDREN with the OW who he never wanted as a wife …and only did so because he did not THINK that it would matter to OUR children!

      This is how far deception works against the very lives of our loved ones….their LIVES are not “killed’ in the common understanding of this but this has forever attacked their confidence in their own ability to determine who is a liar and who is telling the truth in not just how they speak …what they say …but the whole personae of the person.

      I have been married 33 years to a man who willingly denied me his loyalty and I FORGAVE and JUSTIFIED his lack of being involved with me and our family due to his increasingly demanding career and felt grateful for his work ethic! When we married he was proactively seeking and following the Lord and involved in growing in all ways that indicated a lifelong partner who cared about not just being fair and loving but HONEST.

      I now have to look back and take more note of things that we can learn are COMMON among those who cheat …and they all point to a process where the leaving off of heeding the wisdom found in learning and obeying the wisdom found in God’s Word because of LOVE FOR GOD ..and desire to please GOD which actually brings about fulfillment in us and our marriages .

      I have learned that even in my desire to obey GOD and to marry a believer …I was duped by deception so subtle …I did not realize it …I believed that the things which I NOW realize were ‘red flags’ were there….I even addressed them kindly and so did the pastor …but the response to these accountabilities meant to keep my husband aware of his need to keep himself in the Word were hated..

      This occurred as he felt justified …his ‘needs’ were interrupted by some severe conditions in my pregnancies.

      When sex is taught as a ‘need’ for men it is a LIE such that causes men to feel cheated when they do not get THEIR ‘needs'; met.

      Several things bring about this attitude…one is our highly sexualized culture…which inflames men by sight …something a man was designed to have for the purpose of being drawn to his wife ….thus Jesus told men to guard their hearts by way of governing what they set their eyes upon and harbored in their thoughts.

      In the Word we see men told to think what GOD says about others brothers and sisters ,…and not ego feeding and prey to serve their lusts.

      In the Word a husband is told to ‘learn about his wife …and thus protect her emotions …as she is the ‘weaker vessel ‘ not indicating she is ‘lesser’ but as designed to be more responsive to things emotionally …which is GOOD not a ‘weakness’ ….the understanding of WORDS has been defiled by fleshly points of view .

      The sexual union is NOT A “NEED” per-say as food , water and shelter …and air…but it is to be an OUTCOME of loving relationship which is also designed to bring forth the ‘godly seed’ …children by which a man while teaching them will be further instructed …learning by study and caring to equip his own children so they avoid the pitfalls and deceptions abounding in the fallen world in which the Devil’ as a roaring lion prowls around seeking whom he may devour”! INDEED …through deceptions like Humanism that find their platform wherever the foundation of truth of God’s word is not securely fastened by way of training of knowledge of the foundation of GOD’s WORD which is the foundation of the apostles, prophets with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone.

      We come into the word “dead, in trespasses and sin ‘ due to our forefather ADAM ….we do not realize this …we can either be raised up in fables and fantasies which appear to be true or we may be taught the light of the word which shows us the reality of our world and the circumstance we must be informed about that we may avoid or enter into …all of which is instruction in righteousness as 2 Tim 3:16 tells us .

      We do not know what we do not know and we are not led to KNOW by our senses …only through hearing the Word which is light, love, life and truth will our minds become ‘enlightened’ not just by information but as we trust and apply it it will instruct us and reveal to us what the deceptions are within and without.

      The ‘age of reason’ began a move away from faith and began a trek down the road of fleshly reason apart from GOD …The Word tells us the ‘carnal mind is enmity against GOD ‘ and that the ‘NATURAL man receives NOT the things of GOD NEITHER CAN HE KNOW IT …for they are spiritually discerned.

      Today’s world is ‘spiritual’ offering all kinds of ‘options ‘ to the God who has sent his ONLY BEGOTTEN Son to obey His command for the need of fallen man to be RECONCILED ..or RECONNECTED to the GOD who loves his creation man …God loves mankind and has entered in offering whomsoever who will CHOOSE to seek HIM to find Him and begin to understand how all of this has happened and how to live so that there is no continued longing to fill up on the ‘junk food’ of the appetites DRIVEN by fleshly lusts.

      NO filling or fulfilling can happen with sin …it is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it ! That is what addictions do ..they promise the moment of HIGH and then they drop the floor out from under and the user become desperate for the next fix…Adultery is one of the worst “highs’ and more costly than Heroin.

      I asked my husband what made this OW so ‘special’ and ‘desirable ‘ to him that even as he felt so guilty and bad doing what he did ..he kept on going back.

      My desire was to learn what perhaps was missing from me …but he could not tell me …his mind is dark and he is often ‘not himself’ when talking with me .

      The spirit or spirits that lured him to find comfort in those who ‘enjoy ‘ and offer the pleasure of sin for a ‘season’ stretched over our whole 33 years as I tried to do all I could to obey God which was not exactly how GOD told a wife to be …not in a marriage where the husband’s happiness was what everyone bowed to and tried to offer…My husband began this quest for his own selfish desires as if entitled and this was a flame fanned as he began to work among and make closer companions among those whose only aim in life was to gain more money, power and pleasure ..

      His passive ways have been his justification that HE was not proactive in seeking to do all that he did …but it was THEIR offers of things it was THEIR choices and he just enjoyed the offers!

      This is immaturity and passing the buck in it’s most sinister aspect.

      Even now as we go forward he will cast the blame for his choices and behaviors upon others…

      He has been in a position where many options and offers have come to him . The Devil makes a notebook ‘ of all the ways a person is prone to give into desires…HE then orchestrates various situations and people to offer the ‘free ‘ filling of those desires.

      Looking back I see the way my husband justified himself and I with my desire for him to have some ‘recreation’ took upon me all that he dumped in my lap which were HIS responsibilities and said “you go play …your health needs it ….’ when HE really NEEDED to stay home with me and help out with the kids…thus learning to love them and become so engaged that having an adulterous woman and adding more out of wedlock children to the world would have horrified him

      He still wants to let those kids he ‘cares’ about them but it is at the expense of choosing to clean up his own mess at home those children are just another excuse for him to avoid facing up to his first responsibilities.

      The ‘laws of marriage’ are found in Genesis..the first one being the first commandment …which is not in Genesis but is understood ,.to obey GOD ..and not have others gods..the second command is found as GOD told Adam to leave his father and mother [ which he did not have at the time being created from the dust …but the law that helps marriages thrive was that a change in identity and LOYALTY …no longer responsive to parents first but to the wife…and to care and protect HER from his own carnal minded behaviors….to LOVE HER …and not have any other ‘god’s …aka women or friendships that would steal time , focus and energy from that relationship

      WHY ? Because they became ONE FLESH by God’s ORDINATION for the purpose of imaging Christ’s sacrificial love for his bride the church!

      Learning from the Lord what it means to love HIS OWN BODY as Christ loved HIS OWN BODY …which was the church and we are told the WIFE is OF the BODY of the man …So he is to care for HER with as much concern as he concerns himself about his own needs!

      Thus the woman is a reflection of how much the man is obeying GOD how she develops in the marriage . THE MAN IS the head….which is defined as ‘source of life’ as Christ is the source of life to all of his and particularly the man ..Christ is head of the man and man is head of the woman .>>SOURCE OF LIFE is a lot more distinctly correct than how some hear ‘head;’ and think dominant boss or ‘king ‘ in terms of being served …where as Christ told HIS followers and men in particular to ‘lay down their lives for their wives”

      The man today hears ‘head’ and things …a golf game is his entitlement ..and wives who love and desire to please the man they love encourage this …self indulgent behavior because the man is HAPPY ..and HAPPY to ‘escape ‘ responsibilities of the home.

      A man who is self serving , self centered and self seeking will not be able to be ‘happy’ in marriage …there will never be enough ‘freedom ‘ from responsibility and the way GOD has informed us that life is about ACCOUNTABILITY …a man bred in today’s ‘independent’ world will resent this …and devise ways to feel ‘free ‘ from accountability ..yet he will be …one way or another.

      Also those who seek to avoid accountability will seek out friendships with those who are lax and careless …,who are well practices in deceit and craftiness…”CRAFT ” is another word for witchcraft …The word tells us that REBELLION IS AS the spirit of witchcraft …interesting bit of information which explains how one OPENS the door/ mind to being controlled by various sinful influences…It justifies God ‘s wisdom on ‘evil companions corrupt good morals’ too ..and has proven true in retrospect !

      I had to learn to apply this and I did through many years of making the effort to learn and apply what GOD said in His word as I read it and took it to heart….My husband did not have much of this experience of applying the word or taking heed.. He was a grad of a prestigious university on a full scholarship ..His life was not financially well off but his pride was fed by all of his accomplishments and glory wherein even if he knew the Word head knowledge wise he had no desire to apply it ..he had his own abilities to get what he wanted and to ‘win’ at business…he was handsome and charming and could get whatever he wanted without any real effort…women were drawn to his seeming ‘humble ‘ demeanor ..and he took it all in ..despite the pain and anguish it cause me and the deceitful results it had in the lives of women.

      women are designed to be like the church ..responsive to loving kindness….many are deceived into believing a man’s attention even as when my husband ‘innocently claimed’ that he was treating all people the same ..the difference which he was told was the women did not react the same as the men to his ‘ways’ …He ignored and scoffed at this information …not caring to hear …HE KNEW too much…

      His fast track climb up the corporate ladder ‘proved ‘ his ways were nothing to be concerned about …EVERYONE loved HIM…So what if his wife and children did not have his time or attention ….let God take care of that !

      Well ..God ordains a HUSBAND to a jurisdiction in marriage that GOD expects the HUSBAND to take upon himself as he VOWED …GOD will enter into HELPING the man when that man is obedient to those tasks that will grow HIM and nurture his love and marriage to his wife.

      When the man refuses and claims it is ‘not his job’ or ‘he doesn’t want that job’ and will not ‘lead’ as my husband told me …He will suffer …but also HIS headship IS the greatest INFLUENCE upon his wife and children’s lives.

      My husband told me he did not want to be ‘head’ or ‘leader’ but even in his ways he did teach , lead and effect us all…In his disregard and his neglect of me he taught our son that when a man gets old enough he can stop reading the bible or doing any of the things that GOD directs a man to do ! He taught my son that the faith is for women and children as he walked out on our bible times.

      He REFUSED to do any of the things he made a vow to do which was FOR HIS OWN Growth and good ..thus creating HIS “needs’ in his own mind for ‘other things and women”!

      This is how the deceptions we get caught by always work …we are led to think we do not have what we need…we are led to ignore the counsel of GOD ….we are led to believe we must get something we do not have lawfully ..thus ‘iniquity abounds’ [iniquity means law less ness]

      Sin comes in and first becomes normalized ..then ‘accepted’ …then ‘legitimized ‘ as man legislates sin as a ‘right’ …thus we see a society steeped in trouble as many sinful activities bring forth the consequences piling up and overflowing ….it is how it has worked from the beginning

      The ‘buck’ stops with each person taking responsibility for his own behavior and gaining not only eternity through Jesus Christ but wisdom and acting upon what is SOUND doctrine from personal learning what GOD tells us WORKS for our good and HIS GLORY .

      It is not the ‘religion’ that is only one among the many but it is LIFE unto those who are willing to find and apply it ..and care about the God who has been so long suffering and patient with a desire to show forth HIS LOVE and provision for all who will turn away from the lying demon who lures by pleasure or works pressure upon man who is without strength from his own abilities limited by flesh.

      I realize I have written at length here …it has taken 45 years of working through various deceptions and being corrected by the Lord as I wanted to learn what happened to our world ..why we are deceived and what to do now that I have had my marriage revealed to be the outcome of deceit from my own best friend!

      Why is one of those questions that may begin each person’s quest and after many ventures to learn about ALL Kinds of religions, philosophies and then the Biblical truth …I have been learning a lot of WHY …about all kinds of things that are going on and in my own heart!

      Jesus warned us that religious deceit would be one of the hallmarks after he ascended and just before the conclusion of this world …it would be “STEPPED UP” …to deceive if possible even the ‘elect’ /

      No man was intended to go into the place prepared for the devil and his hoard …but what ‘joy’ the devil must have as he deceives those who refuse to have Jesus as LORD …even those who claim his offer of Salvation ..they do not realize how deceiving the doctrines are that lead them to continue to be their own ‘lord’ while claiming Jesus as Lord …we need to take heed to ourselves lest we let fall the wisdom that is ‘god breathed ‘ and certain as the Rock upon which it was founded.

      Hard as it may be we are told to ‘pray for those who persecute and used us and abuse us l…..I figure that in this way if they turn from their deceitful and wicked ways and seek Him they will become part of the solution rather than the problem

      On topic…yes I do believe a penalty for adultery is called for …something to work in the minds of those who do not govern their own lives…just as the thief is having to plan well to avoid getting caught and if caught WILL suffer accountability …those who are weak and lust after flesh ….such a pedophiles DO ALREADY have societal accountability and punishment. ..

      What is unlawful in our present society may change but probably not for the better as many laws are being made in effort to justify sin as ‘lawful’ which GOD has said
      Isa 5:20 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

      21 Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight!

      22 Woe unto them that are mighty to drink wine, and men of strength to mingle strong drink:

      23 Which justify the wicked for reward, and take away the righteousness of the righteous from him!

      24 Therefore as the fire devoureth the stubble, and the flame consumeth the chaff, so their root shall be as rottenness, and their blossom shall go up as dust: because they have cast away the law of the Lord of hosts, and despised the word of the Holy One of Israel.

      This whole chapter of Isaiah 5 speaks truth regarding the state of those who have been deceived from following their own appetites …it is worthy to be sought out …examined in scripture and considered….

      Sorry this is so long …I feel that a foundation is necessary to explain where I am coming from in what I say….

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