…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

July 21, 2013 by 7 Comments


After your spouse had an affair, what did you do with your original wedding rings?

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7 thoughts on “Question of the Week: July 21st – 27th”

  1. Melanie Jones
    July 21, 2013 at 6:52 PM

    I took mine off. The vows they represented were broken and I couldn’t stand to look at them. they are still sitting in my jewelry box. My husband recently gave me a new set of rings that came with a new commitment.


    • Strong woman
      July 27, 2013 at 12:09 AM

      Hi Melanie, I did exactly the same. I have hidden mine. My husband got new ones for me but no formal commitment. I don’t really view them as wedding rings more as friendship rings or putting up with him for nearly thirty years! I think one day I may take the stones out of the wedding rings and make them into a bracelet or necklace, mad sell tHe gold!


  2. rougedmount
    July 21, 2013 at 7:00 PM

    i sold mine and then he “lost” his.


  3. Lovey
    July 21, 2013 at 10:51 PM

    My finger developed an itchy rash…perhaps a contact dermatitis…..[funny huh!]…my finger began to swell ….no amount of working on it or grease would allow it to come off. I had it cut off and now it sits in my drawer.

    I did not intend to remove it because of the adultery but since it caused me such real physical discomfort and actually began to shut off the circulation I had to have it removed.

    Wonder if this is significant that my body seemed to ‘reject’ this ring.

    I ended up buying a cheap 20.00 ring which is ONLY the wedding band representative since my husband does not ‘engage’ with me much at all anymore . He has ‘disconnected’ for the most part …sleeping in a separate room .

    How’s that for a representation of the present situation as I await the ‘reconciliation’ of our relationship which I am trusting the Lord for as I continue my faithfulness to my vows …since I believe that our vows were TO GOD as well as one another.

    Just my view here.

    Wearing this ring is ” OK ” with me because it represents my vows to the covenant of marriage even if my husband is not interested in keeping his through his way of ‘being ‘ married but without actually engaging IN the marriage.

    It is somewhat like how to some “religion” is more an externally sustained weekly “event” to some who like the IDEA of being a Christian compared to the relationship …of being IN Christ from internal engaging with Him ongoing.

    Does this relate to anyone here ?

    The cheaper one actually doesn’t bother me at all …it is very modest and has a lovely sparkle…which my other genuine ring may have been so much more in every material way did not make up for the neglect, loneliness and rejection experienced even through it “lied” to all who may have noticed it, to say that my husband loved only me!

    The wedding set is still cut and will probably remain so until such time that there is some genuine reconciliation….and the funds to repair or reset it .

    Presently we are paying out of our retirement for the children of the OW who insisted my husband ‘give’ her children so she could be a ‘single mom by choice’!

    Some choice!

    Since she wanted to ‘exercise her reproductive ‘rights’ we all have had to pay for HER choice….in all respects of our lives.

    His choice too ….the sperm did not just ‘hop’ over and “dive” in without being ‘launched’ !

    Don’t you just love to hear about people who believe they have ‘rights’ but do not expect to pay their own way from the consequences of indulging in them!


  4. Recovering WS
    July 22, 2013 at 4:52 AM

    I can’t answer for my wife, but we kept ours. We are treating this as a new opportunity to build a better, more satisfying relationship, but we didn’t want to obliterate the past entirely either. We however did renew our vows. I think that tossing the previous rings out of spite is a bad sign. Very passive aggressive. Not helpful, I would think, to recovery. If my wife had done that, I think it would’ve discouraged me and made me think that recovery was neither possible or worth it.


  5. Lovey
    July 22, 2013 at 12:04 PM

    Good perspective Recovering WS…wish my husband would appreciate this …..keeping on keeping on here….

    Good for YOU!


  6. Cindy at Affaircare
    July 27, 2013 at 9:01 PM

    My Dear Hubby and I kept our rings too. Yep the vows represented by those rings were broken by me, but yep those particular rings are “us” and are our history: both the good and the bad. As an abused person, I’ve often wondered “Why did I have to be hurt like that? What was the point?” but I also know that what occurred to me has also made me the person I am. Same for these rings. I said “for better…for worse” and now I can look at these rings and think “Yes! We survived the better and the worse and these rings represent what we are today.”


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