Monthly Archives: July 2013

The Respect Dare–Starting August 1st

Banner-Template-960x250

The Unbroken Woman blog is hosting The Respect Dare. She started her Dare on July 10th, using Nina Roesner’s The Respect Dare: 40 Days to a Deeper Connection with God and Your Husband as a guide, posting about their journey. Here at Affaircare, we’ll be starting The Respect Dare on August 1st.  I’ll be adding it to the Romance Calendar and I’ll be blogging about respect, in light of an affair, for the whole month…well 40 days actually!

Here are the “Rules” on The Unbroken Woman site which I am brazenly copying here on Affaircare:

1. For ladies only! This is on the honor system and I might not can prove you are a lady, but I trust that anyone willing to submit to finding ways to strengthen marriage in a Godly manner wouldn’t be dishonest.

2. Participation must be sincere!   When you comment, please share your journey or your struggle–not “good comment” to everyone’s comment.  Be honest and let’s help each other grown here.

3. All interactions with each other need to be encouraging! If another woman is expressing struggles, let’s rally around in loving support and encourage her in the truth.

4. NO HUSBAND BASHING! Major pet peeve. Ladies, this is about us. Let’s mind our business and let God deal with our husbands so when posting our personal struggles, make it about our reactions and our attitudes. An example of a healthy expression might be, “When he snapped at me I ………” An example of an unhealthy expression is anything that might paint your husband in a negative light.

INSTRUCTIONS:

* Purchase the book if you can.  Here are links for the paperback and also for the Kindle versions–OR you can support Affaircare and purchase it through our Amazon account and a little bit of your purchase comes back to us!  YAY we both win!

* Make sure to subscribe your email to our blog so you can receive the daily post.

sign up

And if you’re so inclined, sign up over at The Unbroken Woman’s “I Dare You” page too, to thank her for the WONDERFUL idea!!

* Read the study daily and comment here as often as possible.

If you have a Twitter or Facebook, like us and follow us–then go follow @unbrokenwoman and ‘Like’ UnbrokenWoman and RT the message on the study.  The more women we bring on board, the more marriages that will be enhanced!

So glad to have you joining!

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

Need HELP for your marriage? Here are some folks I recommend!

I have a privilege of working with a lot of other bloggers and Christians who are passionate, not only about making marriages better, but also about helping people live in such a way that their covenant with the Lord is reflected in every part of their lives.  I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge these people, whom I am proud to call associates:

A Desert Experience – Juan Benito: I am a simple father of three beautiful children and a lovely and beautiful wife. I love God, my family and my friends. But my life was not always so simple. Only six months ago, my family was falling apart, my wife of ten years had left me for someone else. I was left without a job, without a home and three children to care for, 1,000 miles away from all of my friends and family.

A Grown Up Marriage – Kentucky Colonel: Do you remember playing house with the kids in your neighborhood growing up? I don’t know about you but when I played house I usually got told what a daddy and husband was supposed to do and in all honesty I was probably a little bossy about what a mommy and wife was supposed to do as well. Thirty plus years later I can look back at those games and see the expectations my playmates and I held about marriage and roles within marriage. A lot has changed in those thirty plus years but having expectations hasn’t changed at all.

Auntie Em’s Guide To Life – Melinda Stanton: Hi! My name’s Melinda and I’m a teacher. Not just a school teacher- I am that too, but I love teaching anybody anything. Nothing scratches my itch like somebody saying that something I said helped them, or something I showed them made a difference. I like to cook, to read, to garden.

Becoming His Eve – Hannah Williams: I am an aspiring writer and spunky housewife who loves the Lord and her husband, Adam! I have a passion for young women, writing, books, baking, nature, and music! I want to use my gifts, talents, and abilities to help transform relationships and communities for the Kingdom of Christ.

Cassandra’s Marriage Mints Ministry – Cassandra Salamone: This page offers refreshing and sweet counsel and encouragement concerning marriage in the form of pics, poetry, Bible verses, and other assorted writings.

Christian Home and Family – Carey Green: Helping you make Christ the center of your home.

Christian Mommy Blogger – Nikki Hughes: Charge your eMinistry! We are here to educate, encourage and energize you on your eMinistry journey!

Chronic Marriage – Helena Madsen: Imagine having a chronic illness AND an extraordinary marriage. Sound possible? Chronic Marriage is for “chronic couples” – those relationships in which chronic health issues are present – who desire not only to survive but thrive in their marriage despite living with chronic illness.

Do Not Disturb – Justin & Megan Wright: We believe Sex was given freely as a gift from our Creator and should be freely reflected in one’s marriage. After discussing marriage and intimacy with many young couples, we’ve come to recognize we should do whatever it takes to help other marriages recognize this freedom. This blog is one small aspect of this mission, and we hope you find the posts within useful in more ways than one.

Elevate Your Marriage – Edward Lee:  I am a husband and father that loves making the deep stuff of the Bible easy to understand…because that is what saved my relationship and marriage. As I talk about openly in the first HWG book my wife and I had a rough five years of dating and first few years of marriage – fairly literally, we broke up every weekend. What I now share in my books, speaking and through this blog is what I know that God can do – from the experience of my own relationship. God really can save marriages as couples grow in their relationship with Christ.

Encourage Your Spouse – Lori Ferguson: a wife, mom to grown kids, and Christ follower. This blog is for husbands & wives leading meaningful lives – encouraging each other and making a difference in the world around them.

Genuine Husband – Thomas Bittner: I am an ordinary man who serves an extraordinary God. I long to be a better servant, husband, father and brother.

God’s Help For Marriage – Daniel Robertson: At God’s Help For Marriage we believe that God’s desire for your marriage is an extension of His mission for the Church. Namely, marriages are designed to foster evangelism and discipleship by partnering with your spouse to grow more Christlike as you face and overcome the challenges of married life, and by reflecting God’s love for both His children and the lost.

Hombres de Dios 360 – Hector Cortes: Trials for men who want to glorify God in their relationships and in all areas of your life.

Hot, Holy & Humorous – “J” (Anonymous): I am…a Christian, a wife, a mom, a writer, and a work in progress. What I write about in this blog is the kind of stuff I would talk to my closest girlfriend about in confidence, but plenty of us don’t have someone who’ll chat biblically and bluntly with them. Read my posts to see how sex in a Christian marriage can be HOT, HOLY & HUMOROUS!

Intentional By Grace – Leigh Ann Dutton: We believe that by inspiring, teaching, and equipping women with not only the Gospel but Gospel application, we can change the world one woman at a time thus impacting families around the world. We believe we can, together as an Intentional By Grace community, truly make a difference.

Intimacy In Marriage – Julie Sibert: Encouraging Christian women toward healthy sexual intimacy.

Journey To Surrender – Scott Means: The Journey to Surrender is about exploring, discovering and attaining the fullest potential in Christian marriage. It is an exciting expedition available to every Christian couple willing to travel the biblical path of God’s design for marriage, a path filled with fiery passion, unmatched intimacy and joyous freedom.

Live Simply Love – Merritt Onsa: Todd and I are newlyweds. We married somewhat later in life, because that’s just how it worked out. We certainly aren’t perfect, but we thought we did everything we could BEFORE the wedding day to be prepared. The first few months taught us there was nothing but MARRIAGE that could have prepared us for this.

Manna For Marriage – Tami Myer: Whether you feel that you are starving in your marriage or feasting, God has truth that will nourish and strengthen your relationship. Your marriage is worth nurturing because your marriage represents people who are worth loving.

Maranatha Life – Rich Murphy: More than anything, Maranatha Life is a missions organization working in Latin America. Our focus is to minister to pastors and Christian leaders; providing them with trainging, resources, advice and spiritual support as they complete the vision that God has placed upon their hearts.

Marriage By Divine Design – Scott & Nicole Gower: On June 21, 1997, we began our lives as a married couple, but it wasn’t until much more recently that we truly understood God’s design for marriage. By the grace of God, we have survived many challenges in our marriage and we desire to encourage others as they seek out His design for their own marriages.

MarriageDance – Dawn McDowell: MarriageDance combines the beauty and romance of partner dancing with scriptural truth about marriage. The result is a celebration of God’s relationship plan. MarriageDance believes our Creator made us for adventure, intimacy and joy. Would your marriage benefit from more of those?

Marriage Gems – Lori D. Lowe: For the last several years I’ve interviewed couples who have used adversity to improve their marriages. The result is “FIRST KISS TO LASTING BLISS: HOPE & INSPIRATION FOR YOUR MARRIAGE”. In it, I share couples’ experiences with drug addiction, infidelity, military separation, opposing religions, stranger rape, life-threatening illness, differing races, financial crises and much more.

Marriage Life – Clint & Alecia Stark: Every week, we’ll provide you with a Marriage Truth. Tell it to yourself in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, in the shower, in the car, write it on a post it note, put it on your smartphone, say it in your mind, say it out loud, say it to your spouse. There are a thousand different ways to tell ourselves the truth. But the important thing is to tell yourself the truth.

Marriage Missions – Steve & Cindy Wright: This Christian marriage website seeks to help those who are married and those preparing for marriage to be PRO-ACTIVE in helping to save marriage from divorce and to enrich it by offering INSPIRATIONAL, skill-building information which REFLECTS the HEART of CHRIST.

Marriage Works! – Kevin & Cetelia Bullard: We create resources and experiences that help couples build & sustain a healthy, functional marriage.

Messy Marriage – Beth Steffaniak: We offer support and resources to Christian and non-Christian couples who experience the messiness of life and marriage. We address anything from light issues like personality differences and/or conflict resolution to extreme issues like adultery and/or pornography addiction.

Mission:Husband – Gerad Harris: On May 5th, 2005, in a little house in Wallowa Lake Oregon (because our outside ceremony got rained out), I committed to “love, honor, and cherish” Valerie Russell “til death do us part, and took on the mission I now call “Mission Husband”. It hasn’t always been easy. It hasn’t always been fun. There has been amazing good times, and really hard bad times. But the things that have remained constant regardless, are our faith in God, and our love and commitment to each other.

Mission:Wife – Valerie Harris: My mission, is to be the best wife I can be to Gerad and my goal is to encourage you on your journey to be the best wife to your husband.

My Beloved Is Mine! (SongSix3) – Jason & Tiffani Graves: We are a couple who love Jesus without hesitation, have been married since August 1987, and have been through the fires of hell in our marriage journey.  We have 6 children (2 grown and 4 young ones) and a grandchild, a shared heart for music ministry, and a calling to help other couples make their marriages be ALL that God intended them to be.

Mystery32 – Erin Baxter: Mystery32 is based off of Ephesians 5:32 that says of marriage: “This is a profound mystery — but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Marriage is a powerful thing in the eyes of the Lord. It is used to describe His Love and commitment to us and I do not take that lightly. Marriage can be an absolute blessing but marriage also needs constant maintenance.

ONE Extraordinary Marriage – Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo: The intention of ONE Extraordinary Marriage is not to make this a one-sided conversation about a day in the life. The ONE podcast is a dialogue between Tony, Alisa, and YOU! Start listening and start implementing little changes in your marriage that can take it to extraordinary levels.

One Flesh Marriage – Brad & Kate Aldrich: We have been together for 18 years, married for 12! Over those 18 years, we have been blessed to experience God’s reality of a “One Flesh” marriage. We hope to share that blessing with you.

One HeartBeat – David & Lorrie McIntyre: Not too many years ago Lorrie and I were on a destructive path in our marriage. Both of us were on a train traveling a hundred miles an hour away from each other. Over time and with help we turned things around and we work to continue to grow together and desire to help you do the same. That is what One HeartBeat is all about. Strengthening marriages in our community.

Passionate Christian Marriage – Sis: I have a passion for helping marriages survive in this fallen world and for encouraging wives to love their husbands.  I have been married almost ten years now and have survived some very rough times in our marriage.  We have lost all hope and then been surprised by how God keeps His promises, works and molds me through the awful things.

PeacefulWife’s Blog – April Cassidy: My journey toward becoming a respectful, submissive, joyful wife with a gentle, peaceful and quiet spirit that does not give way to fear.

Pearl’s OysterBed – Pearl: Helping women understand their men, marriage and sex….and a little bit about themselves along the way.

Rebel For His Cause – Melissa Titus: I chose to let God use my rebel personality for His cause. My husband and I are still married. God has restored our marriage and our lives. As always, we are still a work in progress. I have learned to stop trying to control other people, including my husband. It never, ever works.

Redeeming Marriages – Jack & Janet Surrett: After 20 years of a bad marriage that nearly ended in divorce four times, we have learned a few things about the difference in a good marriage and a bad one. We have also learned a great deal about God’s redeeming love after He took our last near divorce experience in 2002 and turned us upside down. We now enjoy a deep committment of Love for each other and our Lord.

Romantic Act Of The Day – Rich Murphy: Help for all those desperate men out there who haven’t got a clue and want to find one. Here’s a clue: if you want your wife to be loving to you, be loving to her. She understands the word “loving” as “romantic.” What’s that? Find out here. By the way, ladies, this site is restricted FOR MEN ONLY! Go ahead and call me a chauvinist, I’m doing it for your benefit.

Sensuous Happy Hubby – Andre Pottas: I believe in the sanctity of marriage and monogamous relationships, and that within the bounds of marriage couples are free to fully explore their passion. I write honestly and openly based on my personal experience.

Shocking Marriage – Jerry McColgin: The goal of this blog is to highlight successful marriages and techniques that keep the joy and excitement in the relationship for the long term. It’s sad but true, but a great marriage is a Shocking Marriage. And that’s worth blogging about.

Square 1 Ministries – Rob Thorpe: To educate, equip, encourage and mentor husbands and wives who are passionate about their walk with Jesus, and their mission to bring Him glory in their marriage.

Stupendous Marriage – Stu & Lisa Gray: We Want You To Have a Stupendous Marriage!

The Alabaster Jar – Jolene Engle: Encouraging, Equipping and Inspiring Godly Women, Wives and Mothers.

The Generous Husband – Paul Byerly: Generosity seems to be in limited supply these days, even in our marriages. This list is about learning how to “go the extra mile” for our wife, rather than doing only what we think is “required”. Each day you will receive one tip or suggestion for being a more generous husband.

The Generous Wife – Lori Byerly: A daily reminder to grow your marriage.

The Marriage Bed – Paul & Lori Byerly: The Marriage Bed provides a Christian alternative for married and engaged couples seeking information about marital intimacy. We combine the truth of the Bible with biological facts to educate, encourage, and minister to those seeking God’s best for their marriage relationship.

The Marriage Concierge – The Marriage Concierge: We provide a wide-range of Concierge services tailored for Married Husbands & Wives! We plan the details,while you 2 as 1, Perfect your Vows to each other! Love the BEST Gift of all!

The Marriage Guy and Gal – Tim & Michelle Croyle: The Marriage Guy and Gal, Tim and Michelle, have been married for going on two decades. They are not traditional marriage counselors, but advocates believing that practically all marriages are savable, if both partners are willing to do the hard work necessary to get them back on track. However, Tim and Michelle don’t advocate waiting until your marriage is headed for divorce court to seek help. It is their conviction that the choices that are made each day by each partner are ones that can build strength or tear down.

The Pure Bed – The Pure Bed: To promote a healthy discussion about marriage, faith and sex.

The Respected Husband – Greg Cassidy: Insights on Love and Respect from a Male Perspective.

The Romantic Vineyard – Tom & Debi Walter: A Rich Harvest of Ideas to Help Your Marriage Grow.

To Love, Honor and Vacuum – Sheila Wray Gregoire: Real marriage. No pretensions. With author Sheila Wray Gregoire.

Too Darn Happy – Kim Hall: Welcome, welcome, to your bright spot on the web, where you can find everything from toddler to family sized servings of optimism and joy, a helping hand and a fresh point of view. Set your cares by the door along with everyone else’s, and join me. Slide onto the sofa, hang out in the hammock, or collapse into a comfy big chair. You are welcome just as you are.

True Agape – Cassie Celestain: Hi our names are Ryan and Cassie and we are the creators of this site. We created this site because we feel there is a lack of commitment, personal responsibility and willingness to make marriage work. It seems that divorce has become the easy way out and is actually acceptable.

Vicki Tiede Ministries – Vicki Tiede: Vicki Tiede is an inspiring Bible teacher, conference speaker, and author. Her passion is to open the Scriptures with women in order to share God’s grace and enduring faithfulness. She transparently relates life experiences that resonate and draw others into a lifelong pursuit of knowing God.

Warrior Wives – Elizabeth Spence: I’m young. I’m 32 years old. I’ve only been married 8 1/2 years. I am deep in the trenches here. I am learning new lessons about marriage and about my husband daily. But I have a passion for young marriages. I think it is so, so important to get grounded now…to get a good start…to get good habits and godly thinking patterns engrained in our heads and hearts. I want to come alongside you and encourage you to know that with God’s help, you can do it.

Writing Out My Rehab – Mal Davis: One woman’s journey through the aftermath of adultery. It’s very blunt.

Young Wife’s Guide – Jami Balmet: Welcome! I’m Jami and this is Young Wife’s Guide to Gospel Centered Homemaking or simply YWG. I began my blogging journey in October 2009 shortly after I got married. I have fallen in love over the years with blogging and the community and friends I have met along the way.
v

Save Our Marriage Saturday — July 27th

Today is  Save Our Marriage Saturday!

We have a tradition here at Affaircare. We call it “Save Our Marriage Saturday”–and we’re sharing the love.  Link-love that is!  Every Saturday we hold a link-up party so you can share a post of your own and we can all help each other to save our marriages!

Please share your post on any and all things related to saving your marriage after an affair, reconciling after you committed adultery, recovering your marriage after finding out that your spouse cheated, or keeping your marriage affair-free!

1. Please link to your actual “Save Our Marriage Saturday” post, not just the address to your blog or site home page.

2. Please leave me a comment–I would love to visit your site, return the favor, and follow you!

3. Please share the love with your fellow bloggers–Read and leave a comment on at least the two blogs above yours.

4. Please help me spread the word. Let’s create a community of Christian believers who want to bring glory to God by teaching our brothers and sisters about how to have a godly marriage, how to avoid the typical traps that lead to infidelity, and how to be a living testimony of forgiveness and reconciliation if one spouse is unfaithful.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

HTML CODE:



Please click on the froggy to see the blog hop!

I LINK TO THESE GODLY LINK-UPS:
Beholding Glory’s Blog Hop List, No Ordinary Blog Hop: Family-Parenting-Marriage , The Alabaster Jar-Marital Oneness Mondays, Revive Your Marriage MondaysTime-Warp Wife-Titus 2sdays, …to Love, Honor and Vacuum–Wifey Wednesdays, Unveiled WifeGrace Alone/Women Taking a Stand–Thankful Thursdays, and Beholding Glory–Faith Filled Fridays.

Peeping, Prying and Private Investigations

peeping

Is snooping after an affair justified?  Is it right?  Wrong?

I was reading this post on Affair Advice “22 Months Later–A Setback” and it got me thinking about snooping and privacy in marriage.  Paraphrasing the post, the author is a recovering Disloyal Spouse, and he and his Loyal Spouse have been reconciling and doing fairly well in healing their marriage.  The event that precipitated this post, is that it has been 22 months since D-Day, and after a business trip, his wife went through his things looking for evidence, and she sort of freaked out because one evidence she was expecting to find was not there…and she took that to mean he had been lying. They had a set back in their recovery.

So on the one hand, Disloyal Spouses may feel like their Loyal Spouse is smothering them, giving them no privacy, and being their parent…telling them what to do, when to do it, and with whom they can do it.  On the other hand, the Loyal Spouses feel like their spouses were dishonest and covered things up so they could have their affair…and their trust in their spouse’s honesty was destroyed.  Now they just want to know what’s going on and be included rather than excluded.

Now I could tell you MY opinion and you know what it would be worth?   A hill of beans!  LOL  Instead, let’s see what the Bible has to say about peeping, prying and private investigations within a marriage.

One of the first mentions of marriage and this concept of privacy is in Genesis where it says that “Adam KNEW his wife Eve” (Genesis 4: 1, 17, & 25).  The Hebrew word used there is “yada” and people often associate this as “he had sex with…” but that is NOT all that “yada” means.  In these three verses, Adam shared himself and his life and his affection with his wife, Eve, and from that sharing of love, a child was conceived.  Yada/Knowing is sharing your thoughts and feelings so intimately with another person that your body follows along.  Yada is dedicating yourself to someone so that you can engage them in love and sharing.  BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!  “Yada” is also used in Prov. 12:10 where it says: “The righteous know [yada] the needs of their animals, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel. ”  Put simply, a wise person understands the needs of those around him/her and meets those needs (even of the ANIMALS!), but a foolish person is so self-centered they not only are they unaware of the needs of those around him/her but they are CRUEL to them!!  Yada is acting in mercy to those around you and meeting THEIR NEEDS.  Amazingly there is still more!!  “Yada” is also used in Jeremiah 22:15-16, where it says: “But a beautiful cedar palace does not make a great king! Your father, Josiah, also had plenty to eat and drink. But he was just and right in all his dealings. That is why God blessed him. He gave justice and help to the poor and needy, and everything went well for him. Isn’t that what it means to know [yada] me?” says the Lord.”  In this verse, the prophet is giving a SCATHING rebuke to a king who had been selfish, corrupt, and exploited others, and he is telling the horrible king what it is like to truly KNOW (yada) the Lord.  See what it says?  Yada is doing justice, showing mercy to the poor and needy, and living a life that shows good character.  In other words, Yada is faithfully living our covenant relationship with the Lord in EVERY ASPECT of our lives.

So I like and echo what Warrior Princess says in her blog “After the Affair–Living Life in the Open“.  Speaking as a former Disloyal Spouse, I do remember feeling like I was being watched a little–especially at first–but I also remember feeling like I earned that because I had kept so much hidden!  I did long for the day that my spouse would trust my honesty again, but I knew that in order for him to have faith in my honesty, that meant I had to:

a) BE HONEST– for a long, long time!  My words and my actions HAD to match, for a while!  and

b) BE OPEN– I had to stop hiding when I was hurt or lonely or disappointed.  I had to stop being one person with him and another person at work.  I had to open up my thoughts and feelings to him and let him KNOW me.  For so long I had been hiding certain aspects of what I thought or did, thinking he’d get mad or freak out, and that is actually disrespectful; it’s saying “I don’t believe you have the moral fortitude to deal with this maturely.”  I had to take the risk!

But even more than that–living life in the open–look at YADA up above: “To Know.”  Did you notice anything?  Let me restate the bold parts: “Yada is dedicating yourself to someone so that you can engage them in love and sharing. ” ” Yada is acting in mercy to those around you and meeting THEIR NEEDS. ” and “Yada is faithfully living our covenant relationship with the Lord in EVERY ASPECT of our lives.”  Did you notice that YADA “To Know” is not about YOU?  When you are in a marriage, getting “To Know” your spouse is not about getting them to engage YOU in love and sharing…it is YOU taking the time and spending the energy to do that FOR THEM.  When you are in a marriage, getting “To Know” your spouse is not about getting your spouse to treat you with mercy and meet your needs…it is YOU practicing mercy on a daily basis, forgiving their imperfections, and learning what their needs are and actively meeting them!  When you are in a marriage, getting “To Know” your spouse is not about living your life to yourself or for yourself…it is about faithfully, day in and day out, living in a covenant relationship with GOD and expressing that covenant in everything you do in your life.

So what do you do when your spouse is peeping, prying and investigating your private life?  I say let them.  Let them be included in your life.  Include them in your activities.  Share your thoughts and feelings.  KNOW them, and let them KNOW you.

Enhanced by Zemanta

How Internet Affairs Begin

 

How Internet Affairs Begin

Think of the love in a marriage as a campfire. There are actions that can be done to stoke the fire and make it hotter–those are Love Kindlers. There are actions that can be done that are like putting water on a fire–some are like dribbles out of a holey bucket, and some are like dumping a big old bucket of water on the fire. Those are Love Extinguishers. When two people first met there were no Love Extinguishers because they put forth their best image and the two were not sharing a home, bills, and chores yet. At the same time there were TONS of Love Kindlers. Think about it! People in love tend to spend a lot of time together; they talk to each other and get to know each other–and they actually stop and listen; they do fun things together like go bowling or take walks; they look good for each other and flirt…. See all those kindlers? And sure enough, the fire of love blazes and they get married.

Like all young couples they thought their love would “conquer all” and never even considered that one of them would cheat. Sure that happens to other people, but their marriage was different and special and it would never happen to them.

Then enter just a few Love Extinguishers.

The Loyal Spouse put the Disloyal Spouse through college so they could get ahead in life, and the Loyal Spouse always thought that his/her sacrifice would be paid back worth it “someday” when they were successful as a couple. Meanwhile, Disloyal Spouse worked and worked to climb the corporate ladder, thinking that he/she was “providing for the family” and doing it to get ahead. The Loyal Spouse began to be involved with their own college, work or activities and forgot to take time for Disloyal Spouse. In fact, when he/she did see Disloyal Spouse, he/she complained because Disloyal Spouse wasn’t helping out with the shared household chores. And Disloyal Spouse also forgot to make time for him/her and began working longer and longer hours at work. Sometimes they didn’t even see each other awake for DAYS…and when they did, one or the other of them had negative things to say. Maybe she’s not a great money manager (or the opposite, a controlling penny-pincher); when he’s home he’d rather sit in front of the TV or PC to veg out. They don’t talk anymore…and the Love Extinguishers are dribbling on the fire. Then more Love Extinguishers are added–kids are born and there’s even LESS time together; she gains some weight and he wear sweats; he yells at her about bills and she disrespects his job; he wants sex and she doesn’t feel connected to him so she resents it. The Love Extinguishers are getting to be less like a drip and more like a downpour.

Right about then…the Other Person will connect via “Classmates” or will make a friend request on Facebook.   An Internet Affair Partner is usually an old classmate from college, or an old romance from “way back when” — but via the internet people can also meet someone via the chat in a game, or in a chatroom. The Other Person has no Love Extinguishers because they are putting forth their best image. The Other Person is happy to hear from them–they send little love texts and poems, whereas the Loyal Spouse says “Can you stop and get some milk?”  The Other Person shares a common interest with the Disloyal Spouse, whether it’s the game they play together or memories of yesteryear, and probably spends hours a day enjoying them–whereas the Loyal Spouse is bored hearing about the mechanics of the game, has no idea how to play, and spends hardly any time with Disloyal Spouse. Pretty soon, the Disloyal Spouse starts talking to Other Person about a fight that s/he had with the Loyal Spouse the night before…and Other Person is understanding and takes their side. Soon, they are talking like teenagers at lunch–phoning each other on the cell phone “for work”–and emailing all night long. Part of the Disloyal Spouse is thrilled that someone else thinks they’re neat! They are happy…and a little love zing of amphetamine hits their brain. Then they flirt a little and the Other Person flirts back! And pretty soon after that, one of them mentions that they have feelings for the other … and that’s it. The decide they are “in love” and kiss.

_______________________

If you’d like this article and want to do more, here what you can do!

1) To know more about how affairs start and how they progress, check out our article “How Do Affairs Start?
2) If you need help or know a friend who’s marriage has been affected by an affair, you can Contact Us on our Contact page!
3) To learn how to LOVEveryday and make your marriage affair-free, click the title for a free download.
4) Sigh up for our newsletter or RSS feed so you are emailed every time we add new content.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Save Our Marriage Saturday — July 20th

Today is  Save Our Marriage Saturday!

We have a tradition here at Affaircare. We call it “Save Our Marriage Saturday”–and we’re sharing the love.  Link-love that is!  Every Saturday we hold a link-up party so you can share a post of your own and we can all help each other to save our marriages!

Please share your post on any and all things related to saving your marriage after an affair, reconciling after you committed adultery, recovering your marriage after finding out that your spouse cheated, or keeping your marriage affair-free!

1. Please link to your actual “Save Our Marriage Saturday” post, not just the address to your blog or site home page.

2. Please leave me a comment–I would love to visit your site, return the favor, and follow you!

3. Please share the love with your fellow bloggers–Read and leave a comment on at least the two blogs above yours.

4. Please help me spread the word. Let’s create a community of Christian believers who want to bring glory to God by teaching our brothers and sisters about how to have a godly marriage, how to avoid the typical traps that lead to infidelity, and how to be a living testimony of forgiveness and reconciliation if one spouse is unfaithful.

5. Link back to this community, either by using the button below or a text link. You can find the button code here for you to insert in your post:

HTML CODE:

Please click on the froggy to see the blog hop!

I LINK TO THESE GODLY LINK-UPS:
Beholding Glory’s Blog Hop List, No Ordinary Blog Hop: Family-Parenting-Marriage , The Alabaster Jar-Marital Oneness Mondays, Revive Your Marriage MondaysTime-Warp Wife-Titus 2sdays, …to Love, Honor and Vacuum–Wifey Wednesdays, Unveiled WifeGrace Alone/Women Taking a Stand–Thankful Thursdays, and Beholding Glory–Faith Filled Fridays.