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Is this normal for happily married people to contact old flames?

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3 thoughts on “Question of the Week: June 9th – 15th”

  1. njuri says:June 9, 2013 at 1:58 PM

    Depends on the reason that are being contacted.


  2. Lovey says:June 9, 2013 at 2:14 PM

    In my experience and from the knowledge of the Word on marriage …ANYTHING or ANYONE that syphons off attention and energy from the spouse is not acceptable and a past lover is a VERY destructive type of relationship to encourage.

    It is not about what is “NORMAL” it is about what is RIGHTEOUS and useful to grow and strengthen the marriage covenant relationship’

    In this day and time there is little enough opportunity to invest ourselves in keeping the marriage relationship growing and strong.

    When other ‘options ‘ to working out things in the marriage occur, espectially at times when there are challenges ….any other directed intrusion upon our thoughts , affections , time , energy and focus will be destructive .. NO matter HOW ‘INNOCENT” the idea may seem at the time

    ANY involvement with persons of the opposite sex may eventually become the surrogate for growth , maturity and strength of our view of our spouse and marriage

    Also it may intervene in the life of one who is not the spouse and begin to cause their own life to be derailed in terms of healthy marriage or relationship.

    Past relationships are best left in the past ..and as the scripture tells us about how we are to live after Christ …we are told to ..

    Rom 8:13For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

    Col 3:5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry:

    Reconnecting with people we once had some kind of depth of emotional feeling for is playing with fire.

    In past Biblical culture which were more mindful of keeping the ways of GOD there were protective boundaries which kept people from ‘freely’ becoming disconnected from the duties of being a householder and a family man…or woman.

    The culture we live in today not only has cast off boundaries and reminders that were intended to keep God’s Laws and moral boundaries in mind in every aspect of life …but now people are living with almost NO time span between a thought and an action . If they think of a past lover they might be only a click away from beginning to go down a road that was meant to be severed .

    We are to foresake all things no conducive to following the Lord who would have us invest our time and effort in learning how to follow HIM

    This is protective of our own soul… the relationship of our marriage with our spouse …our children who would be damaged by any beginning stirrings that cause discontent with our spouse by comparisons…[even porn can cause this or even a commercial image!] and damage to the OTHER persons we begin to engage .

    There is TOO MUCH at stake and arrogance will encourage a scoffing at this wisdom.
    Too sorrowfully many realize this as WISDOM AFTER the fact. Destruction of hearts ,minds and families follow.

    What is this ‘friendship ‘ worth to you in terms of counting the cost that it could lead to .

    God told men to ‘FLEE FORNICATION” and many who believe they are not a candidate for cheating have disregarded this most important counsel.

    Studies of infidelity have shown that most of those who committed adultery either emotionally or physically never thought they would . They failed to learn about their own vulnerabilities and did not protect their thoughts and behavior by way of preparation to guard their hearts and set up boundaries in relationships.

    The Bible says that he who goes into a strange woman lacks understanding …that is an understatement.

    To ‘resist the devil ‘ we need to observe that just prior to that statement God tells us ‘SUBMIT TO GOD …Resist the devil and he will flee from you ‘ but we also given much instruction in HOW to avoid sinful situations

    Environments, companions and friends and activities all come under the identity of ‘evil companions’ …we are to ‘come out from AMONG them’ not to test ourselves by way of going into lengthy relationships that deepen our ‘care’ for those who are not only enemies of marriage but enemies of Christ

    Many a believer with the desire to help others come to Christ have grown ungodly relationships and found their marriages and walk damaged if not destroyed altogether. Buying the lie that a ‘little leaven’ in your thinking will not grow to take up it’s place as ‘lord ‘ and direct your thoughts to engage and then rationalize something as “Good ‘ that GOD has said is ‘evil’ and ‘destructive’ is not just damaging it is SIN

    For him who knows to do good and not do it is SIN

    FLEE all forms of immorality …including anything that may appear in a ‘gray ‘ area …why take such a chance.

    “Options’ to working on the marriage will ALWAYS appear and will appear in forms that solicite our ‘help’ or ‘care’ ….all who are NOT your spouse are NOT YOUR spouse! Leave them to God who will direct them if their need will bring them to the Lord for what they need.

    Otherwise many who are engaged through their ‘compassion’ without regard for the other aspects of wisdom regarding our walk will find themselves ensnared ….Emotions and appetites are key aspects the deceiver uses to gain access to the hearts of those who are married and those who believe they are safe ” from temptation as they are believers.

    All the more reason to be concerned about what GOD says than to be worried about what man may say ….! It is crucial to become equipped with the wisdom of GOD and then to do it.


  3. Lovey says:June 9, 2013 at 2:16 PM

    Awk …should have taken time to spell check ….sorry …hope you can read this anyway….


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