…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.


Search for:November 4, 2012Our Question to You

Is infidelity the worst pain you have ever experienced in your life thus far or is a death in the family worse? Please share your thoughts on why the one is worse than the other.

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7 thoughts on “Question of the Week Nov. 4th – 10th”

  1. sandy says:November 4, 2012 at 4:12 PM

    yes it has. My girls were in a wreck in ’89 (train), and not expected to live: my son was thrown over in a cornfield, flipped four times (the car landed on the roof, was smoking, but didn’t burn); my other son’s car was overrun by a construction truck when that driver had a heart attack–thank God the driver survived as did my son; my family– all but the oldest girl that had left earlier– was leaving a retirement party at a boat club–the night was foggy, and flooding had occurred in the area–we accidentally drove to the bottom of the river (a storm fence was mistaken for a fence at the end of the tennis court)—not once did anyone give up on someone they love, these were accidents, not choices. God’s grace gave us all a complete recovery, even when 2 other people died in a different car the night we went in the river. I know God’s hand has sifted all that comes in all our lives, and I just keep praying for faith to follow his lead.


  2. Greg says:November 5, 2012 at 1:47 AM

    I would say equal because an affair is like losing that person


  3. anonymousMe says:November 5, 2012 at 9:37 AM

    I guess it would depend on the death. I lost my grandfather a few years ago, and though it hurt, it wasnt horrible because it was his time to go. I am sure that this is much different than a violent or unexpected death. When my wife had her affair, however, not only was the pain much worse, but it has lasted much, much longer and has been more difficult to recover from. Though I have hope that she and I are going to stay together, any time we have issues the affair comes back into my mind, along with many thoughts, feelings fand fears. I would say the affair has been much more painful, in my case.


  4. sunshineamanda says:November 5, 2012 at 9:39 PM

    Of course the death of a friend or loved one is very painful. But, for me, infidelity was infinitely worse. Death is a loss. But it does not ruin your memories of the person the way a betrayal does. It doesn’t damage your self worth the way a cheating spouse does.


  5. MovingForward says:November 6, 2012 at 6:05 AM

    I have experienced the death of a close friend very recently, and adultery over a decade ago. (We are still together and moving forward.) The death is final, and I know he is now with the Lord – no longer in pain. I am at peace with that.

    Adultery is a far worse pain to deal with. Even now (especially when we argue) my mind occasionally flips back to when my wife was in the arms of another man, and it hurts. But I make a daily choice to remember that I forgave her and I must walk in that forgiveness, or risk putting her sin and shame right back on her shoulders again. She repented and Jesus forgave her of all that. Who am I to usurp his authority?


  6. Luci says:November 7, 2012 at 3:40 PM

    Because infidelity is intentionally inflicted by the one person who is supposed to love you the most and it is not an expected stage of life, it is much worse.. Death is a part of life. It can be very difficult to deal with, but it is one sphere – extreme sadness. Infidelity covers so many other aspects of you – there are no words to describe the utter devastation it wreaks on your life, making it difficult to breathe every day. It has been over a year since I found out about my husband ‘s infidelity and the pain is no better. So many little things can trigger a memory, like going out to eat Chinese food , or my son having a certain friend over ( all of which were linked to another betrayal heaped on top of the previous ones.). In dealing with death there is no deception, death is true. Infidelity is a much deeper more profound pain


  7. maria says:November 13, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    so far only my parents have died and I thought it was normal. infidelity has hurted more like a betreyal.


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