…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.


Search for:May 6, 2012Christian, marriage, personal reflection, Sex, The Church, , , , , ,

A phenomenon has been hitting the U.S. like a tsunami that is literally sweeping in and flooding our culture with a new buzz: the book ’50 Shades…’.   The book (and topic) have been “exposed” on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, been featured on the cover of Newsweek (Spanking Goes Mainstream), has been topping e-book charts, has been recorded by Ellen DeGeneres, and the film rights have been purchased. Sex shops literally around the world have noticed a spike in sales and a new interest in adult toys.  So far, the book has sold 2,000,000 copies to date and the Kindle version is selling even better.    Everyday housewives…even Christian women…are picking up the book because it has been classified as “mommy porn.”

However, don’t let the euphemism fool you, especially if you are a Christian!  This book is not a somewhat eroticized romantic story.  Nope, this book and the hundreds (if not thousands) of stories like it are just exactly the way that a disloyal spouse subtly, slowly and gradually goes from an honest, decent,  maybe even a “christian” person to someone who lies, cheats and commits adultery.

I think almost everyone in the U.S.A. if they were asked about it would say something like, “Oh yes committing adultery is wrong.”   Likewise, the VAST majority of people probably recognize the damage and destruction that pornography can reek in a marriage.  However, when people think about porn, most probably envision the man in the relationship sneeking off in a raincoat in the dark to a sleazy sex shop to buy the latest nudie magazine or watch a stripper, but those of us who have dealt with porn in marriages know that it is MUCH more subtle than that!  The internet has made it easy to instantly gratify the desire for naked images, sexually explicit stories or images, even full on xxx-rated, extremely graphic movies on every possible topic and fetish!  What once took a very deliberate decision and action now can be a matter of “thinking about it” and the next second, “clicking a link” and boom…it’s all right there in your home and in front of your eyes.   And it’s the same for infidelity.  All you need to do is THINK about being bored with your spouse, wanting sizzling sex with someone again, “what if I had gone with that one from high school?” and the next second, clicking a link for one of those “have an affair” websites, clicking a link for those pop-ups saying they want to meet you, or searching for your first GF/BF on Facebook and boom…it’s all right there in your home and in front of your eyes!

When the idea occurs to us to do something sinful, it doesn’t usually pop into our head “Oh I think I’d like to commit adultery today”  “Oh I believe I’ll be consumed by lust and sexual sin today.”  Nope.  It’s subtle.  It moves by very small, deliberate, gradual steps while you bend your moral code ever so slightly.  Both porn and infidelity follow this pathway, and Psalm 1 even DESCRIBES the pathway for us!  “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take  or sit in the company of mockers.”  ~Psalm 1:1   See how the Psalmist shows that it starts with walking in the steps of the wicked…we think of a wicked thing, and rather than turning away from it and stopping those thoughts to turn them to God, we consider it a bit, entertain the idea, and then walk in that general direction?  What happens next?  Well we are in the general vicinity of other people who do this particular sinful thing (maybe with others who are “into” porn or surrounding ourselves with people who support “doing what makes you happy”)…so we stand in the way that sinners take.  What’s the final step?  We gradually walked that general direction, we hung out with others who encourage our sin, and finally we join them…we do what they do.  We sit in the company of mockers (those who mock God).  And that’s what sin is like, whether it’s pornography or whether it’s adultery.

In Romans 12:2 we Christians are told “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”  which means that our minds should do a 180 turn from the thought patterns of the world and grow ever more and more focused on glorifying God and doing what pleases Him.  With the internet, and it’s ability to instantly gratify any THOUGHT, it is very important to note the idea of our minds and our thoughts coming into line with God’s mind and thoughts!  If we allow the little foothold of one porn peek or read one little “mommy porn” book, where is our mind?  It is walking on the way of very gradually crumbling your moral code, RATHER than where our minds should be: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” ~Philippian 4:8

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9 thoughts on “’50 Shades’ and Infidelity–there is a connection!”

  1. Alecia says:May 6, 2012 at 4:46 PM

    It’s amazing how many women are buying into this. And don’t see it for what it is. I’ve been reading other articles surrounding this topic such as yours and am amazed at what some authors are proposing and am doubly amazed at the comments section. Kudos for speaking out on this and shining light on the dangers of it.


    1. Cindy at Affaircare says:May 8, 2012 at 2:36 PM

      Thanks Alecia! I appreciate your support and your comment😀


  2. Rosemary says:May 8, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    For what it’s worth, Ellen Degeneres didn’t record the book, she made a short video which mocked it. (You can see it here on Huffington Post if you’re interested: In any case, I haven’t read this book and don’t plan to. Everything I’ve heard about it indicates that it would be very unappealing.


    1. Cindy at Affaircare says:May 8, 2012 at 2:37 PM

      Thanks for that catch, Rosemary. I thought from the title that she had agreed to actually narrate it, but now I see it’s classic Ellen satire! You know, she has an amazing ability to have her nose to the ground on the hottest things…and mock them! 😀


  3. Debi Walter says:May 10, 2012 at 2:42 PM

    Thanks for adding your voice to this much needed alarm. Excellent post, Cindy!


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