But I need someone to commiserate with–don’t I?

It’s Day Five of our Husband Encouragement Challenge, and today’s challenge is all about your husband and the words you speak about him to others.

DAY FIVE

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” Eph. 4:29

Another way to describe the positive side of this “30-Day Encouragement Challenge” is by using the word “edify,” which means, “to build up.” Negative comments only discourage and tear down. Positive comments encourage and build. Do you edify your husband before others, adding to his value in their eyes? This is especially important to other family members. Do you praise your husband to his relatives, and yours? Does your husband’s mother know how much you love him? How about your dad? Perhaps you can drop a word of praise into a conversation or letter. Be creative in letting your relatives know that you respect your husband, love him, and support him – in spite of whatever flaws and weaknesses he may have.

By Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Published by Revive Our Hearts, © 2005. Permission granted to photocopy in the exact form, including copyright. All other uses require written permission.
Revive Our Hearts * P.O. Box 2000, Niles, MI 49120 * www.ReviveOurHearts.com

As wives we live with our husbands day-in and day-out and see their personal foibles and flaws–their peculiar habits and hidden struggles. Yet so often we fall into the trap of finding a girlfriend or a group of girlfriends to whom we turn to “tell our troubles to.” We’ll go to that friend, or that women’s group, and say things like, “Well you won’t believe what he did THIS week…” and the juicy gossip and criticism begins. We point out his every mistake. We turn to a sister who has “been there done that” and tell her every single time he hurts our feelings or doesn’t behave well. We tell ourselves we need someone who understands how we feel…

Or sometimes we ARE that friend. All our lady friends turn to us and tell us all their woes: “He did THIS and he did THAT…” and we sit and listen. In an attempt to be “supportive” we might say “Oh you deserve better!” or “You are so right not to take that from him!” Not only do we encourage our friend to “talk to us about it” we also encourage her in talking badly about her husband and in acting against him, but them at odds with each other rather than on the same team! [FYI: a true friend would tell her “You need to speak with your husband about this, not me” and would encourage her to be a husband lover (Titus 2:4) and be united with him…not against him!]

Our words come from our heart–our innermost being, our thoughts. If our words about our husbands concentrate on his shortcomings and focus on his mistakes, that means our hearts will be see everything that’s wrong with him too. But our tongue CAN be mastered, and changing what you say out loud can have an effect on your thoughts. If, instead of speaking your husband’s flaws aloud, you spoke about his GOOD qualities and what you love about him and the GOOD thing he just did yesterday…it would affect the way you THINK about him and the way you see him. In addition, if you were speaking with your girlfriends or your mom and sisters, and you were telling them his GOOD qualities and what you love about him and the GOOD thing he just did yesterday…it would change the way THEY see him too!

So practice today. Look at yourself honestly and admit where you’ve spoken and torn your husband down…and today make a complete 180 and build him up with your words.