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AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

December 2, 2010 by Leave a comment

The news in the infidelity field today is all abuzz over two topics.  One topic is the ongoing debate over whether or not Facebook causes infidelity.  The latest volley is embodied in the article in the New York Magazine “Divorce Lawyers Can Thank Mark Zuckerberg for His ‘Portal to Infidelity’ ” in which the author quotes Rev. Cedric Miller, the pastor from NJ who told his church leaders to delete Facebook or resign who gave Facebook the ‘Portal’ name.  The other topic is the newly released study that infidelity is caused by genetics.  An example of that topic is the article on MSNBC “Honey, it’s not my fault! It’s the one-night stand gene” which reveals the findings of a study released this week on PloS ONE .  So while unfaithfulness is rampant and marriages crumble, destroying families and impacting lives–the best our churches and scientists can come up with is: “It’s NOT your fault!”  

Our generation desperately needs to be taught the concept of PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.  When we are children, we decide to do what we know is wrong and to some degree our parents share the responsibility with us for teaching us morals and values.  It is partially their job to stop us from doing something harmful and teach us to do the right thing even if it is difficult.  But once we reach the age of accountability–probably somewhere near puberty–personal responsibility transfers from the parent until it is more and more fully on the child.  As an adult they become fully personally responsible–namely they are responsible for the choices they make.   When they choose to act one way or the other, as adults they experience the consequences of their choice, whether they are good or bad.

But somewhere along the line, rather than facing our bad choices, admitting them, and learning from them, our society decided to find disorders, addictions, genetics–ANYTHING–on which we could blame our bad choices!  “Oh he can’t control his anger–he has a defiance disorder” “Oh she’s a drug addict so don’t take what she says personally” “You can’t expect me to be faithful to my spouse for a lifetime–it’s in our genes to commit adultery!”  It might be somewhat understandable for a young adult to attempt to shirk the accountability if their maturity level is not that high, but when our scientists assist in the blame shifting, it’s a sad commentary!  But the deepest sorrow is to see our churches–those who are supposed to be teaching the NEXT generation to follow God and live a godly life–joining in!

It is not Facebook that “makes you cheat.”  It is not a portal to infidelity.  Facebook is like any other tool that God has created or man has discovered: it can be used for good or it can but used for evil.  Don’t blame a pencil when you misspell a word–and don’t blame Facebook when you use it for sexual impurity. In both instances, it’s the operator, and in both instances the way to fix the problem is not to ban pencils or delete Facebook; the key is genuine repentance for sinning against God and then genuine change!  Likewise for the genetics.  Even worldly moral codes call on us to “do better” and rise above our human temptations, and this is a perfect example if we are genetically made to be tempted to stray, then this is precisely why marriage should not be entered into lightly!  Because you are promising another human being that you will FORSAKE ALL OTHERS!  That you will be faithful to them in all the circumstances of life, and here’s a newflash: life can get pretty tough!  We are supposed to rise above our “animal-instinct” and behave as though we control our urges–not our urges controlling us.   But as Christian Believers, we have an even larger calling–we are called to live a life that honors God!  He has told us it will not be easy.  He has told us everyone will be tempted and that He will give us a way out of it.  He already TOLD us that…and He has also already said that He expects us to be examples to the world and to live in a sexually pure way!  Our pastors need to return to guiding their parishioners to repenting for their sins!

So just stop it.  It’s not Facebook’s fault.  It’s not your genetics.  You broke your promise and made the choice to be unfaithful and sexually impure, so take personal responsibility and experience the consequences.
SocioFluid

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