Menu

AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

July 1, 2010 by 1 Comment

#1 No Contact Letter.  After the affair is over, the Disloyaly Spouse (DS) can never, ever contact the Other Person (OP) again.  In this first step, the DS writes a no contact letter and the Loyal Spouse (LS) sends it. This letter should not be a final “love letter” to the OP but rather should focus on stating the affair was wrong and firmly establishing the boundary of no contact WHATSOEVER!  Please click this link for some sample No Contact Letters 

#2 Turn over access. Both spouses need to be transparently honest with each other right now, so BOTH should share access to their online accounts like emails, Facebook, cellphone bills, etc.  This makes both spouse’s accountable and gives them the chance to allow their spouse to see their true activities, thoughts and feelings.  Plus it gives a chance to create trust by behaving in a trustworthy way and being able to verify it!

#3 Commit. Both of you need to resolve to actually work on your own issues and the marriage.  Affairs do not happen in a vaccuum and that means both parties need to be willing to look themselves in the mirror and be honest–and then be willing to work on it!  Each person is an individual and may have their own issues to work on … and sometimes those issues also overlap into issues in the marriage.  So both have to be willing to put in the effort to grow, change, and do something different!

#4 End Love Extinguishers.  If you think of the love in your marriage as a fire, both of you did actions that put out the flame of love!  Identify what those actions were, where you were neglectful, and work to end those extinguishers.  Both the husband and the wife should take the Love Extinguisher Questionnaire and then share it with each other so your spouse knows which specific things extinguished the fastest.

#5 Love Kindlers.  If you think of the love in your marriage as a fire, you both used to do things that made the flame of love BLAZE–and gradually you stopped doing them.  So identify what those actions are and start doing them again!  Both the husband and the wife should take the Love Kindler Questionnaire and then share it so your spouse knows what really stokes your fire!

#6 Personality type.  Some of the issues in your marriage and some of the miscommunication could be differing personality types.  Are you an Introvert or Extrovert?  Intuitive or Sensing?  Thinker or Feeler?  Perceiver or Judge?  These type combinations can make a big difference in how you perceive things and how you communicate, so find out if some of your issues are just personality by taking this test: The Jung Myers-Briggs Personality test

#7 Love Languages. Different people say “I love you” in different ways.  If you say love by changing her oil and filling the gas tank, she may be sitting at home wondering why you don’t spend time talking to her anymore–don’t you love her?  To find out if you two are both showing the other that you love them but not doing it in their love language, here is a small test you can take:  Love Languages Assessment

document.location.protocol”//pixel.wp.com/g.gif?v=wpcom-no-pv”;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_theme=”wpcom_adclk_theme;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_placement=”+wpcom_adclk_slot;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_network=”wpcom_adclk_network;stat_gif += “&x_ads_imp_theme_network=”+wpcom_adclk_theme+”_”+wpcom_adclk_network;new Image().src = stat_gif”&baba=”Math.random();return true;}function wpcom_adclk_click() {if (wpcom_adclk_recorded) { return true; } // no double countingvar stat_gif = document.location.protocol”//pixel.wp.com/g.gif?v=wpcom-no-pv”;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_theme=”wpcom_adclk_theme;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_placement=”+wpcom_adclk_slot;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_network=”wpcom_adclk_network;stat_gif += “&x_ads_click_theme_network=”+wpcom_adclk_theme+”_”+wpcom_adclk_network;new Image().src = stat_gif”&baba=”Math.random();wpcom_adclk_recorded = true;var now=new Date(); var end=now.getTime()+250;while(true){now=new Date();if(now.getTime()>end){break;}}return true;}if ( typeof GA_googleAddAttr == ‘function’ ) {GA_googleAddAttr(“AdOpt”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Origin”, “other”);GA_googleAddAttr(“LangId”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Domain”, “affaircare.com”);GA_googleAddAttr(“BlogId”, “13071271”);GA_googleAddAttr(“PageURL”, “http://affaircare.com/2010/07/01/7-steps-to-rebuilding-your-marriage-after-the-affair-is-ended/”);GA_googleAddAttr(“AdSafe”, “1”);GA_googleAddAttr(“Partner”, “AOL”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_bg”, “ffffff”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_text”, “777777”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_link”, “009bc2”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_border”, “dddddd”);GA_googleAddAttr(“theme_url”, “009bc2”);GA_googleAddAdSensePageAttr(“google_page_url”, “http://affaircare.com/2010/07/01/7-steps-to-rebuilding-your-marriage-after-the-affair-is-ended/”);GA_googleFillSlot(“wpcom_below_post_adsafe”);}div.wpa>div { margin-top: 1em; } #google_ads_div_wpcom_below_post_adsafe_ad_container { display: block !important; }jQuery( window ).load( function() { if ( jQuery(“.wpa script[src*=’virool.com’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa script[src*=’shareth.ru’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa iframe[src*=’boomvideo.tv’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa iframe[src*=’viewablemedia.net’]”).length > 0 || jQuery(“.wpa .sharethrough-placement”).length > 0 ) { jQuery( ‘.wpa’ ).css( ‘width’, ‘400px’ ); }setTimeout(function(){if(typeof GS_googleAddAdSenseService !== ‘function’){new Image().src=document.location.protocol+”//pixel.wp.com/g.gif?v=wpcom-no-pv&x_noads=adblock&baba=”+Math.random()}},100);} );

Do you love it? SHARE IT!!

Categories: Uncategorized | Permalink.

One thought on “7 Steps to Rebuilding Your Marriage After the Affair is Ended”

  1. Jeffrey Murrah
    July 5, 2010 at 7:48 AM

    Cindy,I like the steps that you presented, especially the inclusion of the love languages step. Many people know the steps needed to end the affair, but neglect taking the steps to rebuild their relationship.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

GravatarEmail (required) (Address never made public)Name (required)WebsiteWordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. ( Log Out / Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

var highlander_expando_javascript = function(){var input = document.createElement( ‘input’ ), comment = jQuery( ‘#comment’ );if ( ‘placeholder’ in input ) {comment.attr( ‘placeholder’, jQuery( ‘.comment-textarea label’ ).remove().text() );}// Expando Mode: start small, then auto-resize on first clicktext lengthjQuery( ‘#comment-form-identity’ ).hide();jQuery( ‘#comment-form-subscribe’ ).hide();jQuery( ‘#commentform .form-submit’ ).hide();comment.css( { ‘height’:’10px’ } ).one( ‘focus’, function() {var timer = setInterval( HighlanderComments.resizeCallback, 10 )jQuery( this ).animate( { ‘height’: HighlanderComments.initialHeight } ).delay( 100 ).queue( function(n) { clearInterval( timer ); HighlanderComments.resizeCallback(); n(); } );jQuery( ‘#comment-form-identity’ ).slideDown();jQuery( ‘#comment-form-subscribe’ ).slideDown();jQuery( ‘#commentform .form-submit’ ).slideDown();});}jQuery(document).ready( highlander_expando_javascript );

Notify me of follow-up comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.

Post navigation

Follow our blog

Subscribe to Affaircare and get tips in your email about keeping your marriage affair-free or saving your marriage after an affair!
.

Join 503 other followers

Do you want help delivered right to your inbox?

Download the Affaircare APP!

Affaircare Forums

Romance Calendar

Are you 'romance-impaired'?  Do you need a little help remembering how to be romantic?  Here's one romantic idea every day!

Are you ‘romance-impaired’? Do you need a little help remembering how to be romantic? Here’s one romantic idea every day!

Prayer Requests

Chat with Affaircare

We are on Pacific Time and if we are not available to chat, it will email us!

Follow Us, Like Us, Pin Us, Link to us, Join our Circle!


Feed

 RSS – Posts

Support Affaircare!

And while you’re shopping on Amazon, don’t forget our book: “Affaircare: Caring for Your Marriage After an Affair”!

Meet the CMBA Members!

Click here for links to all the members of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association

Internet Defense League member

Member of The Internet Defense League

  • A CRY FOR JUSTICE
  • Family Dynamics Institute
  • MarriageFire
  • Soul Mate Shmoopies
  • Talk About Marriage
  • NetworkedBlogsBlog:AffaircareTopics: Infidelity, Marriage, Christian  Follow my blogCreative Commons License
    This entire site, the articles and the blogs are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported License.

    __________________________

    AFFAIRCARE claims no credit for any images posted on this site unless otherwise noted. Images on this blog are copyright to its respectful owners. If there is an image appearing on this blog that belongs to you and do not wish for it appear on this site, please E-mail with a link to said image and it will be promptly removed

    Map of our Readers

    Real Time Web Analytics Clicky

    Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com. | The Yoko Theme.

    Top/* */var WPGroHo = {“my_hash”:””};/* ]]> *///initialize and attach hovercards to all gravatarsjQuery( document ).ready( function( $ ) {if ( typeof Gravatar.init !== “function” ) {return;}Gravatar.profile_cb = function( hash, id ) {WPGroHo.syncProfileData( hash, id );};Gravatar.my_hash = WPGroHo.my_hash;Gravatar.init( ‘body’, ‘#wp-admin-bar-my-account’ );});/* */var HighlanderComments = {“loggingInText”:”Logging Inu2026″,”submittingText”:”Posting Commentu2026″,”postCommentText”:”Post Comment”,”connectingToText”:”Connecting to %s”,”commentingAsText”:”%1$s: You are commenting using your %2$s account.”,”logoutText”:”Log Out”,”loginText”:”Log In”,”connectURL”:”http://affaircare.wordpress.com/public.api/connect/?action=request”,”logoutURL”:”https://affaircare.wordpress.com/wp-login.php?action=logout&_wpnonce=4398571bc1″,”homeURL”:”http://affaircare.com/”,”postID”:”136″,”gravDefault”:”blank”,”enterACommentError”:”Please enter a comment”,”enterEmailError”:”Please enter your email address here”,”invalidEmailError”:”Invalid email address”,”enterAuthorError”:”Please enter your name here”,”gravatarFromEmail”:”This picture will show whenever you leave a comment. Click to customize it.”,”logInToExternalAccount”:”Log in to use details from one of these accounts.”,”change”:”Change”,”changeAccount”:”Change Account”,”comment_registration”:””,”userIsLoggedIn”:””,”isJetpack”:”0″};/* ]]> */Follow

    Follow “AFFAIRCARE”

    Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

    Join 503 other followers

    Powered by WordPress.com//>WPCOM_sharing_counts = {“http://affaircare.com/2010/07/01/7-steps-to-rebuilding-your-marriage-after-the-affair-is-ended/”:136}jQuery(document).on( ‘ready post-load’, function(){jQuery( ‘a.share-facebook’ ).on( ‘click’, function() {window.open( jQuery(this).attr( ‘href’ ), ‘wpcomfacebook’, ‘menubar=1,resizable=1,width=600,height=400’ );return false;});});jQuery(document).on( ‘ready post-load’, function(){jQuery( ‘a.share-twitter’ ).on( ‘click’, function() {window.open( jQuery(this).attr( ‘href’ ), ‘wpcomtwitter’, ‘menubar=1,resizable=1,width=600,height=350’ );return false;});});jQuery( document ).ready( function() { jQuery.getScript( ‘//platform.linkedin.com/in.js?async=true’, function success() { IN.init(); });});jQuery( document.body ).on( ‘post-load’, function() {if ( typeof IN != ‘undefined’ )IN.parse();});// Pinterest shared resourcesvar s = document.createElement(“script”);s.type = “text/javascript”;s.async = true;s.src = window.location.protocol”//assets.pinterest.com/js/pinit.js”;var x = document.getElementsByTagName(“script”)[0];x.parentNode.insertBefore(s, x);// if ‘Pin it’ button has ‘counts’ make container widerjQuery(window).load( function(){ jQuery( ‘li.share-pinterest a span:visible’ ).closest( ‘.share-pinterest’ ).width( ’80px’ ); } ); (function() { var po = document.createElement(‘script’); po.type = ‘text/javascript’; po.async = true; po.src = ‘https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js’; var s = document.getElementsByTagName(‘script’)[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(po, s); })();Send to Email AddressYour NameYour Email AddressPost was not sent – check your email addresses!Email check failed, please try againSorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.%d bloggers like this:

    By admin

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *