The first week of February is a very significant week for me personally. It was during this week, long ago, that my ex (husband at the time) left me for his other woman and moved to another state, and for a few weeks no one knew where he was. It was during this week that my own Dear Hubby’s ex (wife at the time) left him and moved out so she could “be happy.” It was during this week, years after my divorce, that I sent my Dear Hubby the first post and asked him what his username meant (he has a very unique username that he uses on forums and being a person who loves the meaning of names I had been puzzling over his for a while). And it was during this week, one year ago to be precise, that a man I look up to very much, my Dear Hubby’s uncle, passed from life on this earth to life with God.
When my ex left, there was NO WAY that I could imagine that it would work out for good for me or the children. I mean, I know the verse that God works all things for good for those who are the called, according to His purpose… but how could a husband and father leaving his family and business and home and even STATE be used for GOOD? No way that I could envision! Those days were mostly dark for me, especially since he went to another state and no one really knew where he was–even his mom called and asked me if I’d heard from him. In those dark days I know for a fact I did grieve, but I also did two things that did work good out of this awful situation. First, I went to personal counseling and two support groups. I felt a little like a support-group-aholic (Is SA for Self-help-aholics Anonymous? Hi I’m Cindy and I’m addicted to therapy!) but it was so helpful to be with other women who were in my shoes…maybe a step or two ahead of me…and I could see that they were making it so I knew I would make it too. Second, I went to a forum that specialized in surviving affairs, and the site really helped me with direct steps I could take. People hung in there with me when I didn’t listen…and didn’t say “told you so” but gave advice what to do now. From that site I learned that there WERE people who helped others save their marriage and survive an affair. Even though it didn’t work for me, I knew that it could work! The good that God worked in me was that I knew this was what I wanted to do for a living and I began to study to become a marriage coach.
When my Dear Hubby’s ex left him, he was not like me. Yes, he was upset and hurt, but he had been trying to save their marriage since before he knew about the affair, and when he found proof he had some professional and peer advice to help along the way with how to deal with it. His ex was determined and refused to stop the affair or admit she was wrong, so she told him she was planning to move out (thinking she’d “have it all” with her other man), and she moved out in the first week of February. Seriously it would be untrue to say that it wasn’t painful, but he knew it was coming and watched his wife choose to leave the marriage. The difference was that he had a little time to prepare, and he had the house and the kids as protected as possible. In his mind, he was going to spend the rest of his life as a single father, raising his children and not looking for love in his life. The phoenix that rose from the ashes of this destruction was that he had the tools to know how to be a GREAT husband…just no one to use those tools on!
Another fateful event in the first week of February. Years had gone by for me, and I had finished my training to be a marriage coach. I was still on the forum that had helped me so much, but this time I was the one doing the helping and it was wonderful. The kids and I were doing alright, and I was honestly enjoying single life except for one thing. I had enjoyed sharing my life with someone and really hoped that someday I could do it again–I just figured that it was unlikely since I was getting older, I didn’t have a perfect body, and I had children. At the same time, Dear Hubby was on the same forum that I was and I knew of his existence but to be honest, I didn’t even speak to men on the site (just to avoid even possibility of tempting someone). He spoke with men who came to the forum and had issues or questions, and I spoke with ladies. Yet a couple of his posts caught my eye and were really well-written and I admired his thoughts. Then I began to notice that he was a night owl like me, but still I didn’t say anything to him directly. We were both writing on a thread about being late night owls (people talking about insomnia or just being late nighters) and finally one night, we were on at the same time. That night–the first week of February–I asked him what his name meant. Well, he told me and literally the rest is history! He may not have known it at the time, but he swept me off my feet with his wit and intelligence–he was (and still is) AMAZING!
Finally, one year ago this week, a man whom admire very much and whom I think of very highly passed from this life to the next. My Dear Hubby’s uncle was one of the most excellent people I’ve ever met, and I’ve met a LOT of people! He worked hard his whole life to provide for his wife and children, and he was a loving father and grandfather. He literally delighted in his granddaughters–they were the joy of his life and the light of his days. He was a quiet man, in that he didn’t say a lot out loud, but he spoke VOLUMES with his actions and with the few words he did speak. At family gatherings he would often sit back and let others yak away while he sat quietly, listening. Just when you thought he wasn’t paying attention anymore, he would very softly make the most hilarious, witty comment … or the wisest statement. While the women in the family would jibber away when something happened, he would take it in, think about it, and then when he spoke it was so obvious and wise it made me wonder, “Why didn’t we see that?” But over and above all this, my Dear Hubby’s uncle was a devoted husband to his wife. They met when they were young and that I know he never wavered from her once. Now I know that all marriages have their difficulties and are imperfect, so don’t get me wrong, but he LOVED her every minute that he breathed. He made the choice to devote himself to her and only her, and by his life he demonstrated that a marriage can have ups and downs, difficulities and joys, but when the spouses work on loving each other, they can for a lifetime.
Yes, the first week of February is a very significant week. Thank you, God, for the things that took place this week.