Your spouse had an affair. You followed the steps to end the affair, and now you and your spouse have made the decision to try to save your marriage and recover. You listened to our series about Recovering After an Affair. But now you want to learn more about the tools you can use to help you reconcile (the final step).
Today we continue our series all about the Reconciliation tools, how to use them, and why they are helpful. Although there is no guarantee your marriage will be saved, but these tools can help you build a new, more healthy marriage.
[ Re-recording this video ]
In today’s episode we talk about the fifth tool–Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), developed by Dr.Albert Ellis in 1955. Since REBT is such a big topic, we are breaking up this subject into two parts: Part One, today, is a background on what REBT is, what it means, and why it is important. Next week, in Part Two, we will show you the technique and then choose examples right off the Affaircare website so you can see how to use REBT.
When something negative, or bad happens to you, your inner dialog gives you it’s take on the situation. As a result, you experience an emotion. You are then left with the choice of how to deal with whatever has happened.
As Christians, we know that our inner dialog is tainted by sin. Jeremiah says: “…The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?…” (Jeremiah 17:9) Dealing with our sin is the responsibility of all Christians. Our sin is a product of, the result of, and caused by our thinking: “…For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander…” (Matthew 15:19), and so on.
REBT is a tool that helps you investigate that inner dialog – to address and change that inner dialog to be one that is more helpful, wiser, and less prone to error. We also would point out that as Christians, changing that inner dialog is part of growing as a Christian. And as a Christian, we have the Holy Spirit who helps us grow and change. In this instance, REBT is used as a tool to help us focus directly on where sin and error have been so influential.
NOTE TO SELF: This is a self-help tool – it is not meant for use on your spouse: you use it on yourself. This tool gives you a method to ease your aching heart, to calm yourself, and to give yourself the strength to handle the difficult road ahead of you. It gives you some clarity of mind with which you can then prepare and make better decisions. It can help you avoid those bad situations which arise from acting on impulse, or without considering further consequences.[audio: https://s3.amazonaws.com/affaircare-podcast/2016/Reconciliation+Tools+-+REBT.mp3]
Other podcasts in the Reconciliation Tools series:
- Reconciliation Tool #1: Myers-Briggs Personality Test
- Reconciliation Tool #2: Five Love Languages Quiz
- Reconciliation Tool #3: Love Extinguishers Quiz
- Reconciliation Tool #4: Love Kindlers Quiz
The Recovering After an Affair Series:
- Recovering After an Affair: Pre-Reconciliation
- Recovering After an Affair: Commitment
- Recovering After an Affair: Forgiveness
- Recovering After an Affair: Take Some Time
- Recovering After an Affair: Mutual United Understanding
- Recovering After an Affair: W-T-F-S
- Recovering After an Affair: Selfless, Selfish, and Self-aware Mode
- Recovering After an Affair: Recovery Tools