What was it that finally convinced you it really was cheating and not “just a friendship”?
1. To protect yourself mentally. Chances are good that you have suspected for a while, and yet your spouse has denied it, or maybe even accused you of “having trust issues” or “having jealousy issues.” But what you are observing and what you are being told do NOT match and your gut is screaming out to you that something is wrong. If you spy and discover proof of an affair, you’ll know that you can TRUST YOURSELF. You are NOT CRAZY!
2. Protect yourself medically. If your spouse is involved in a physical affair, they may be exposing you to sexually transmitted diseases without your knowledge, and if you do not know you are exposed, you may not ever talk about or seek medical treatment!
3. To protect yourself emotionally. In an attempt to justify their affair, disloyal spouse’s often blameshift and re-write marital history to make the loyal spouse “the bad guy.” You may find yourself doubting your value, doubting your attractiveness and questioning whether or not you are responsible for your spouse’s unfaithfulness. Spying can help answer your questions about responsibility and may be a way to prove what did or did not happen and when.
4. To protect yourself financially. The fact of the matter is that affairs cost money! Usually the disloyal spouse will use either the loyal spouse’s money or money that is designated for the family to finance the cost of adultery. So in order to be fully informed and make wise decisions about your own money and the money to support your children, you may need to spy, and then make moves to protect your assets.
5. To protect yourself spiritually. You want to spy because you don’t want to live with a secret. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive life.
6. To protect yourself legally. Unfortunately, infidelity can lead to the demise of marital relationships. Your disloyal spouse may try to throw you out of the house, get custody of the children, or file for a restraining order against you in order to force you out. If you suspect this to be true for your situation you will want to protect yourself legally.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT REASON OF ALL:
7. It’s the most loving thing to do. Carrying on a double life, keeping secrets, and lying is damaging to a person, and it will harm your spouse. It is the most loving thing you can do to bring them back to a life of honesty and facing the truth, no matter how painful the truth is.
I join this Godly Link-up on Mondays:
It may begin innocently as a friendship. It may also be called an affair of the heart. But an emotional affair can be defined as:
“A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage.”
How can you tell when it’s crossed the line from friendship into infidelity? Here are ten easy questions to help you decide:
1. Do you hide your not-so-good side from your “friend” or do they see you stressed, grouchy, silly, frumpy and sick?
2. Do you daydream and fantasize about your “friend” a lot?
3. Do you hope you might catch your “friend” if your out socially, or do you keep wanting to see your “friend” when you’re with your partner?
4. Does your partner support your friendship with your “friend”?
5. Does your partner know about your “friend” and know when you are actually catching up with your “friend”?
6. Are there more things that your partner intimately knows about you that your “friend” doesn’t know of?
7. Do you share details of your relationship–especially its troubles–with your “friend”?
8. Would you effortlessly set your “friend” up with one of your other friends?
9. Do you smile when you think about your “friend” getting married…to someone else?
10. You love your “friend” and you can do anything for them, but one thing you cannot do.. you cannot imagine having sex with them! At the very least, if you close your eyes and imagine having sex with your “friend”…you don’t get turned on–you laugh!
If you’re still confused, Dr. Shirley Glass developed a little quiz to help you determine if it’s really just platonic of if it has become an emotional affair. Click here to take the Slippery Slope Quiz
This is post is part of the Ultimate Blog Challenge!
And on Wednesdays I also join these Godly Link-ups: