Love Kindlers Questionnaire

LOVE KINDLERS QUESTIONNAIRE
Copyright © 2010 by Cindy J. Taylor


Name__________________________________                Date_____________________________________



1. Emotional Commitment

A. LOVED–Do you feel a loving emotional connection and commitment from your spouse?

 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. VALUED–Do you believe you are valued by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. RESPECTED–Do you believe your spouse respects you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. TRUSTED–Does your spouse trust you and see you as trustworthy?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. ACCEPTED–Are you accepted for the person you are by your spouse?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. APPRECIATED–Does your spouse express appreciation for you and the things you do?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. AFFECTION–Is affection for you expressed in words and actions? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. ADMIRED–Do you believe your spouse admires you and do they say so out loud?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. UNDERSTOOD–Do you believe you are heard and understood by your spouse?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. FORGIVENESS–When you do something wrong does your spouse forgive you and not bring it up later in an argument?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


2. Spiritual Commitment

A. Are your spiritual values supported by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Do you and your spouse have a shared spiritual life?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Are your beliefs respected?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Is there personal transparency about your spiritual beliefs?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


3. Physical Commitment

A. TOUCHED–Are you regularly touched by your spouse?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Touched–Are you touched in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. KISSED–Are you regularly kissed by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. KISSED–Are you kissed in a way and as long as you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. HUGGED–Are you regularly hugged by your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. HUGGED–Are you hugged in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. TENDERNESS–Does your spouse regularly express physical tenderness (for example cuddling, holding hands, etc.)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. TENDERNESS–Is the physical tenderness in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT–Are you and your spouse regularly sexually active so that you are satisfied?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. SEXUAL FULFILLMENT–Is the sexual activity in a way that you like?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS–Are you physically attracted to your spouse (their hair, their body, their grooming and their clothing)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


4. Financial Commitment

A. Is your spouse able to provide for family and children?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse actively participate in providing for family and children?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Are you able to pay monthly bills without going into debt?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Can you live a lifestyle that’s mutually acceptable to both you and your spouse?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse contribute to family income?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse contribute to paying off family debt?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Are you able to plan for future financial stability? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. Are you able to plan for future needs such as kids’ college?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. Can your spouse live by a budget?  
 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!



5. Family Commitment

A. Does your spouse make time for adult time alone with you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse make time for the children, individually?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Does your spouse share household chores in a way that seems equitable to you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Does your spouse share child rearing? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’ whenever it’s possible?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse offer you ‘a day off’ now and then?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!


6. Social Commitment

A. Are you included in your spouse’s social activities?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse encourage and support you in social situations? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Do you and your spouse share fun and enjoyable activities together?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Do you and your spouse share joy and laughter?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. As you believe it’s appropriate, do you and your spouse publicly display affection for each other?  

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Does your spouse spend their free time with you?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Does your spouse offer you personal free time? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

H. Is your spouse your companion?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

I. Does your spouse engage you in conversation, about topics in which you both have an interest? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

J. Does your spouse listen well, expressing both interest and caring?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!



7. Security Commitment

A. Does your spouse support you in times of crisis? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

B. Does your spouse turn to you for support in their times of crisis? 

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

C. Does your spouse stand by you?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

D. Is your spouse loyal and committed to you and your marriage?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

E. Does your spouse present a united front with you (against relatives or the children)?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

F. Is your relationship secure and not “in the balance” over a fight?   

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

G. Is your spouse there for you when you feel you need them?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close

H. Is your spouse your “soft place to fall” (a safe haven)?

  • How much do you need this commitment?

Yes VERY much so!        Yes I need this        In the middle        No I don’t need this        NO I do not want or need this at all!

  • How well does your spouse fill this need?

EXTREMELY well!        Very good job but not perfect        In the middle        Not that well        HORRIBLE job, not even close!

4 thoughts on “Love Kindlers Questionnaire”

  1. These are good evaluation standards for people to be concerned about before marriage …I believe we went through these time and again BEFORE marriage ..YET the depth of how much a person must recognize their need to protect and nurture their relationship and love depends upon their desire to protect and their view of value of the marriage and spouse.

    Today’s culture increasingly leans upon flesh and the devil is not sleeping …without being humble enough to believe one has vulnerabilities by just being a fallen human being …even being saved will not automatically ‘equip’ a person but actually puts them in the firing line of the various ways the enemy of our soul will orchestrate tempations …God does not tempt but in the midst of a trial we may find also temptations and it is HIS word that equips us with the ‘eyesalve; to recognize them and to also acknowledge OUR necessity to prepare and take heed to the warnings of what to avoid.

    Going places or keeping consistant company and deepening relationships with anyone OTHER than the spouse will in truth REPLACE them in your heart…and where the heart goes without the ‘reins’ of the Word ….it will take the person .

    There is a saying among those who wish to justify their sin …’The heart wants what it wants’ and then for good measure ‘God knows my heart’ ….but indeed they do not know or seem to care that GOD has told us that INDEED HE DOES KNOW OUR HEARTS…and has stated for our revelation ..”The heart is deceitful ABOVE ALL THINGS and it desparately WICKED ”

    It is the WORD which GOD has provided to inform and equip us to turn from sin and temptations just as Jesus demonstrated in how he dealt with the devil after forty days in the wilderness and thus …HE submitted to GOD and resisted the Devil and he FLED from Him…temporarily ..

    The walk of victory over sin within and temptation without is to take in and take heed to the Word of God leaning not to our own understanding but in all our ways to acknowledge Him and HE will direct our paths.

    Without this …the love will grow cold as the reality of life begins to press in.

    The list of things here mentioned are useful and vital to living love faithfully and growing in awareness and appreciation for the unique beauty and value of our spouse .

    My husband REFUSED to receive any of this once other people became his primary concern and that based upon his refusal to SEE his spouse and the value of my attributes such as they are.

    It is no mystery when a man finds women attractive ..that is a part of the DESIGN of man , to be attracted to the looks, and ways of women! But for the purpose of having his spouse become more and more attractive to him GOD COMMANDS the man to govern his EYES…and to KEEP HIMSELF focused upon GOD …and then HIS WIFE.

    The continued ‘shopping ‘ with the eyes ..eventually will lead to comparison and then to being led away …My husband refused to believe that he was capable of this …and even after being confronted nicely about it and how it not only hurt me but put other women in danger of sinful day dreams he refused …it was to him a form of ‘humility’ to deny his being attractive ..yet he encouraged it among his co workers and eventually cheated with one married woman who was having troubles at home.

    He would not confine himself to conduct that was becoming a leader but wanted to be the boss that everyone loved and found approachable…indeed…the did ! To our hurt.

    Even with discovery he would not consider our lives ONE but continued in his creating a separate life …I did not realize to what extent.

    I married later for my peer group…my husband was younger but seemed more mature than many of my contemporaries. After a couple of years, a career change , moves, a first child and his mom’s death all within a couple of years and months of one another…

    He departed from the faith and grew close relationships with unbelievers at his workplace . He refused me access to his life and now as his infidelity has been discovered…[ 14 years and two children with the OW plus ongoing draining of family finances in keeping with his independent perspective of his life …]

    His refusal to enter into a ONE flesh life with me despite his understanding of what it meant to marry ….He has departed our household to invest in the OP but even they only on a sporadic basis…according to HIS timetable and desire.

    His willingness to accept that he ‘COULD ” have children with his OW was based in part upon his various peers in college who seemed to have endured no pain or harm in their own ‘blended families’ . This is one of the damaging effects that divorce and the forced compliance demanded of children in blended families that develop from marriages that are the results of adultery or divorce or both rather then widowhood.

    It is of course thought to be ‘beneficial’ if children can ‘blend’ but for the most part it is the effort to NORMALIZE what is sinful and cause them to grow up thinking that serial marriages are no harm no foul.

    The children of the OW are being raised with a skewed view of parenting and certainly view love as a temporary state based upon self defined ‘need’ and ‘desire’ and up for redefining at any time by any one.

    They have told my husband that they HATE CHRISTIANITY …and it is no mystery since their mother KNEW of our family’s faith and our home schooling.

    She knew of his ‘commitment’ to stay in the marriage and love for his children upon her soliciting him and his accepting the ‘arrangement’ for their ‘relationship’ with marriage never being part of that understanding .

    This is today’s assault against the family …and it seems without BOTH people loving GOD enough to LOVE GOD and KEEP watch over their walk and govern their flesh accordingly we should not be surprised to see the way our world has descended into a dark and deadly den of iniquity.

    The only part of the list I might have a difference with is the idea that one must respect the other person’s faith. It may sound strict but God is pretty direct about our marrying someone who is responsive to HIM ….which I THOUGHT we had hashed out pretty extensively before marriage as both of us were active in sharing and even helping with running fellowship in the home and classes for believers old and new.

    This alone does not ‘do ‘ the inner work of surrendering to the Lord…and sooner or later without personal desire to examine oneself and how we may influence or impact others we will be deceived.

    I did not passively sit by nor did I nag my husband about the way his faith was in need to be continued and avail himself to the reading of the WORD as he began his ‘descent ‘ into his deceptions..but nothing could turn him

    I now see that when a person does not care about what GOD thinks and love GOD then noone will matter enough or be valuable enough to keep them from being lured away.

    Sin looks better to someone in this state of mind ….they become blind ..and much in part because they are not THANKFUL to GOD and do not ‘see’ anything to protect any longer in their spouse.

    My husband was not willing to ‘give’ himself to GOD or me…but distributed him’self’ in shallow and superficial ways to any and all who were not supposed to have access to all that GOD had given him in the jurisdiction of marriage and family . So it is that he gave away with both hands that which was his treasure …because , as he said he had not fear of losing …but I see it as that he did not VALUE those things…You do not fear to lose what you do not value..

    The shiny baubles of sin stole his view of the value of all he had …NOW he sees it but is still unwilling to do what is necessary to deal with all that is called for and now he invests all in the OC and his job….and it will prove impotent in terms of the OC since they are now learning that they can get from him material things…no guidance or instruction …so they are learning to manipulate just as their mother and my husband have done.

    I particularly appreciated the guidelines for parenting …having been in education in all forms of schooling and then home-schooled…I feel much of what is ‘wrong’ with the system of man in education that usurps the god given command to FATHERS to train up their children has resulted in the empty lives of people …now given to video games and self serving ‘careers’ that are surrogate to the function of relationships that God designed to mature and fulfill men and women in marriage.

    Now people do not know what they do not know and now , with the help of ‘self esteem’ programs they are hardened against learning anything that does not tell them they are ‘great’ and anything they want is ‘fine’ and ‘good’

    Woe , woe , woe…NOT a religious statement but a truth as we all see the damage done daily ..more and more as we see the DAY approaching .

    God’s love LIVES in those who LIVE IN and BY it …from learning through submitting to HIM and His Word.

    Thank you for your work in this area of need among those who seek help not just from men but from the Lover of our souls…Jesus Christ the righteous.

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