AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

ALL of the Signs Your Spouse May be Cheating

You’ve suspected for days, maybe weeks.  Something is wrong or off between you and your spouse, and you’re beginning to wonder if maybe they might be…. NO!  That’s not possible.  Other people have affairs, not you two; what you have is special.  Then again there was that thing last week, and when you brought it up, your spouse twisted it around as if YOU were the one with the jealousy issue!  “You’re just being paranoid–you’re crazy for thinking like that!” they said.  Still there’s that nagging doubt in your mind.

Here are some of the signs of a spouse that may be cheating.  These behaviors are only  indicators of a cheating spouse and are not absolutes!  If your spouse has one or two of these behaviors, and there is a legitimate reason and a mutual agreement (such as you two talk about it and agree to try to lose weight…and they’ve gone a little obsessive about it), these signs do NOT prove infidelity.  But when you observe several, or maybe MOST, of these behaviors, your marriage may be in trouble!  Again, let me reiterate that these behaviors are only indicators of  an affair.

The Classic Clue:

When you see lipstick on your husband’s shirt or strange hairs on their clothing or in the car.

Sign 1–Gut Instinct:

  • The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place.
  • Your cheating husband or wife stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
  • Your intuition (gut feeling) tells you that something is not right.
  • You find intimate apparel or other small gift-type items that are gifts for someone else and have not been given to you.

Sign 2–Behavior That Is Not Their Usual Character:

  • When your partner shows up without their wedding ring or suddenly stops wearing it and makes lame excuses as to why. This also goes for jewelry you might have purchased for them and you catch them not wearing it when they go out when usually they wear it at all time.
  • When they break their established routine at work and home for no apparent or logical reason; erratic behavior.
  • When your mate becomes suddenly forgetful and you have to tell him/her everything several times; their thoughts are obviously elsewhere.
  • When they appears distant, show a lack of interest, or develop an unexplained aloofness that wasn’t there before.
  • When their behavior just doesn’t add up.
  • When your wife sleeps with her purse by the bed, or your husband sneaks out of the house.
  • When your spouse suddenly starts completely ignoring you and not listening to what you are saying -OR- when they suddenly begin to treat you extremely nicely…more so than usual.
  • When they encourage you to have a social life and go places out of town, and it seems like they’re trying to get you “out of the house.”
  • When your husband or wife begins to intentionally look at or flirt with the opposite sex when in the past, this is something they would not have done.

Sign 3–Birth Control:

  • When you find birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy -OR-
  • When you find condoms in the car or in his pockets, and you are on the pill.

Sign 4–Showering/Cologne:

  • When he or she leaves the house in the morning smelling like their usual fragrance and returns in the evening smelling like something else.
  • When they arrive home and head straight into the shower or bath, and they work an office job.
  • When your spouse’s clothes smell of an unfamiliar perfume or after-shave used by the opposite sex
  • When he or she has worn the same fragrance for years, and suddenly they are wearing something new and wearing MUCH more than usual.

Sign 5–Uncomfortable Around You:

  • When your mutual friends start acting strangely toward you, because they either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible spouse you are.
  • When your spouse’s co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence, because either they know about the afair or have heard horror stories to justify it.
  • When your spouse seems less comfortable around you and is “touchy” and easily moved to anger.
  • When your spouse avoids social events with you, as if they want to cover up that they are with you.

Sign 6–Electronic Clues:
Email clues~

  • When your spouse sets up a new e-mail account and doesn’t tell you about it.
  • When your spouse spends all their time on the email, checking their email, or fooling with email somehow.
  • When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all emails from the email account (and it’s not just a clean up) and in the past they used to let them accumulate.
  • When they delete an email the minute it comes in, and then delete the trash to make sure you don’t see it.

Cell phone clues~

  • When s/he buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know about it.
  • When your husband or wife suddenly deletes all messages from the voicemail where as they used to accumulate.
  • When they suddenly delete all caller IDs from the phone so you can’t see them.
  • When s/he sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to the office.
  • When you aren’t allowed to ever look at or use their cell phone, and they go to great lenghts to make certain their cell is not answered by you.
  • When your spouse is secretive about their cell phone and it is on their person 24/7, and they are on it talking or texting that whole time.
  • When they receive bizarre text messages from friends you never realised knew–in other words having ‘pretend’ names in their phone that are really the OP.

Computer signs~

  • When they stay up to “work” or “play a game” on the computer after you go to bed. Excessive internet usage, especially late at night, is a red flag.
  • When your spouse will not allow you access to their computer or they suddenly shut down the computer when you walk into the room.
  • When they may password protect their laptop or computer to keep out suspicious eyes.
  • When she or he warily guards access to their chatrooms, chat logs, games, Facebook page, or other social media.
  • When your spouse has unusual sites showing in the “browser history” (such as “adultfriendfinder” or “ashleymadison”), or erases their history after each late-night session.

Sign 7–Things Are Just Different at Home:

  • When your spouse raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
  • When they have a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry (and they never have before) and it’s like they’re trying to find or hide something.
  • When he/she shows a sudden interest in a different type of music that they really disliked before.
  • When your spouse loses attention in the activities in the home and seems forgetful, distracted or like they don’t care.
  • When he/she has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home…including the children.
  • When you notice that your partner loses their ability and desire to show the children the attention they need or a lack of desire to do any fix-ups around the house, e.g., lawn care, painting, cleaning the garage, house repairs, etc. They might turn this around on you at the same time and accuse you of never doing anything or treating the child/children badly.
  • When they are always tired or demonstrate a noticeable lack of energy or interest in the relationship.
  • When they sleep on the sofa some of the night.
  • When you two don’t go to bed together, and they tell you not to wait up when you have always done so.
  • When your spouse suddenly asks about your schedule more often than usual–wanting to know where you’ll be and when.
  • When they talk to you they treat you abusively or with disdain, disrespect or excessive sarcasm. Or. . . they may begin to find fault in everything you do in an attempt to justify their affair.
  • When your spouse is exceedingly critical and sometimes mocking you.
  • When your spouse becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him/her, usually out of guilt.
  • When they begin to speak more and more harshly to you, or are more sarcastic. Sometimes this is just an attempt to justify their cheating…or to give them an excuse to storm out of the room/house.
  • When you notice that they are reluctant to kiss you or accept your affection and/or they criticize you for showing attention.
  • When your spouse ignores or criticizes your loving behavior and thoughtful ways. Example : “Why are you so luvy duvy? I’m just not like that.”

Sign 8–Lots and Lots of Changes:

  • When s/he joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program and “hated” exercise before.
  • When your spouse buys new, sexy underwear and you never see it.
  • When they have a sudden preoccupation with their appearance.
  • Her: When she gets spiffed up and dresses provocatively to “go grocery shopping” or to “get her hair done.” She may also show up with a sudden change of hair style. Him: When he showers, shaves (cologne, deodorant, etc.) and dresses up more than usual to “go out with his buddies” or to “go fishing.”
  • When your spouse begin to make sudden and excessive purchases of clothes or an unexplained change in clothing style (for example, from business professional to steampunk).
  • When they show a sudden interest in a different type of music that they always hated before.

Sign 9–Telephone Mannerisms That Are Different:

  • When your spouse receives “mysterious” phone calls that don’t seem to make sense–and when you ask who called, they say, “No one”, “Wrong number”, or “Why do you care?”
  • When YOU get an increasing number of hang-ups or “wrong numbers” when you pick up the phone especially if the caller hangs up after hearing your voice and doesn’t speak. Generally when a person dials a “wrong” number, they will at least ask, “Is Fred there?” before hanging up.
  • When your phone bills show unexplained toll or long distance charges. Often you’ll find one phone number listed excessively.
  • When s/he Hurriedly picks up the phone to answer it before you do.
  • When they leave the room to talk on the phone.
  • When your spouse Whispers while on the phone.
  • When s/he deletes the information (name and phone number) from “caller ID”.
  • When they behave differently or end the telephone call abruptly when you enter the room…or appear to hang up quickly.
  • When your spouse tells you to get ahold of him or her at a different telephone number (they don’t want you calling while they’re with the OP).

Sign 10–Automobile Related Signs That Something is Up:

  • When the passenger’s seat is adjusted differently than you had left it.
  • When your spouse takes the child seat and/or kid’s toys out of the car for no particular reason.
  • When you find suspicious items in the car like phone numbers, receipts, lipstick, condoms or strange hairs in the vehicle.
  • When they begin to keep a change of clothes hidden in the trunk of the car or an unusual amount of clothes changes at the gym.
  • When the car has unexplainable mileage or a lack of additional mileage. For example, if your husband states that he went out of town yet the odometer indicates that only a distance of 25 miles had been driven. Conversely, if he says that he’s only been to the office that day, yet their odometer shows many more miles had been driven, this too, may be a significant matter.
  • When s/he “goes to the store for groceries” or “goes to get some gas” or “goes to the bank” (a task that should take just a few minutes) and comes home 5 hours later.
  • When you notice increased gas purchases that are inconsistent with the amount of miles on the car.

Sign 11–Paper Trails of a Cheating Spouse:

  • When you find credit card receipts for gifts you didn’t receive -OR- your credit card bills itemizes gifts you didn’t receive (such as florist or jewelry).
  • When you find the credit card receipts showing purchases from places unknown to you or that seem suspect -OR- when your credit card bill itemizes odd places.
  • When you see an increase in ATM withdrawals on your bank statement, especially those from out-of-town.
  • When you find ATM receipts bearing a time/date stamp from a city you don’t recognize. [Cheating costs money! To play you must pay.]
  • When they begin to volunteer to go to the post office, rushes to check the mail before you do or opens up a new P.O. box perhaps without even telling you.
  • When unusual phone numbers appear on the phone bill.
  • When the duration and time of the calls on the phone bill appear excessive.
  • When they are secretive about their cell phone bill or they start to pay it themselves.
  • When you notice business travel or other deductions on their expense account for travel or other expenses of which you were not aware.

Sign 12–Sex Tip-offs That Something’s Wrong:

  • When s/he is no longer interested in sex, or s/he makes excuses for its infrequency.
  • When your spouse starts to request kinky or other erotic sexual activity (behavior) that you’ve never done before, including watching porn.
  • When they show a “new talent” in the bedroom (that they might have learned from the individual with whom they’ve been cheating).
  • When s/he appears reluctant to kiss you, or show affection toward you.
  • When your spouse continues giving poor excuses for why they’re not in the mood to make love.
  • When they have unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
  • When s/he suddenly wants more sex, more often.

Sign 13–Work-related Signs That They May Be Cheating:

  • When s/he works longer hours, more frequently
  • When they supposedly work a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.
  • When they change their established routine with no apparent reason.
  • When s/he begins discouraging you from calling him or her at work.
  • When your spouse is often “unavailable” when you try to call him or her at work.
  • When they returns calls long after you leave a message for him or her.
  • When s/he prefers to attend work functions (or any events) alone and tries to discourage you from attending.
  • When your spouse takes more trips for business reasons and even refuses to let you drive him or her to the airport.
  • When you find out by accident he or she took vacation day or personal time off from work – but supposedly worked on those days.
  • Your spouse is away from home, either nights or on trips, more than previously.
  • When the amount of money being deposited into your checking account drops off.
  • When they are late home from work and always have an excuse ready.
  • When s/he claims to be stressed with work problems when questioned about their odd behaviour.

Sign 14–Things you’ll hear:

1. “We are just friends.”
2. “I need you to respect my privacy.”
3. “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.”
4. “I need some space to figure out my feelings.”

 

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117 thoughts on “ALL of the Signs Your Spouse May be Cheating

  1. Pingback: Signs Your Spouse May be Cheating « AFFAIRCARE

  2. Your spouse is going out of their way to avoid you because they feel like if they are around you, then they
    may give their secret away. When someone cheats, they go through the duties of the day in a rather different way.
    When a younger individual pays them some attention they will feel
    flattered and experience a brief boost of confidence.

  3. Almost everything posted here describes my husband’s behaviour over the past 25 years.
    After enduring my husband’s extra marital affairs for the for the past 25 years, I can honestly say to him that ‘I love you but I am not in love with you’ -and I am not the one having the affair. He earned that endearment ;-)

  4. Don’t take someone’s word for it when they say they’re “just playing” their MMOPRG with Android mobile clutched sweatily and guardedly in hand. Check also for IM services that they didn’t use before, friend services seemed to be of interest also. I feel like a total chump. He’s moving out tomorrow. And I am going to be a lonely one.

    • hi can u help me out ?

      • Dont second guess your suspicions. If you think he or she is cheating. He or she probably is. Its a good idea to check it out if you really think so by surprise visits without they noticing it and other times just show up and make sure they notice it. After a while, your spouse will become afraid that you may catch them and stop trying to cheat.

  5. Many thanks for information most of them match my partner.
    Why we cheat, because we are greedy and we want more and we think we deserve more and this our right to do so.

    Cheating is stealing and its bad and destroy everything you built, please tell the people love, before to get to some fantasy think again as his /her mistake will rune and destroy the relationship and blown away innocent children lives and you won’t get your dignity back and you might loose your family for little dirty fantasy.

    I pray for all the victims. Amen

  6. Things between my wife and myself change significantly after our first child was born. She never wanted to spend time together, or basically leave the house. This carried on for almost 2 years and progressively got worse, until finally one day she tells me she is leaving. This time I let her go, as I have been trying to make this work for so long with no effort on her side and I could not take it anymore.

    Before she cleared out her belongings from our house I was able to analyze my wife’s internet history to see what she was doing when she was up to as she was always on the computer. Good thing I did this as when I received the divorce documents her claims were outrageous. She claimed I was verbally abusive to her, that our plan with our new daughter was that she would always stay home and now she expected $1200 a month in spousal support, plus around $20,000 retroactive, and she expected me to pay for her legal costs.

    Luckily, with the help of Website: http://WifeySpy.ca I was able to prove what was really was going on with her, otherwise I would have had to have claimed bankruptcy and would have never seen my daughter again.

    I recommend anyone who is going through divorce, separation or is suspicious of their wife to take the necessary steps needed to find out what is really going on. It could change the rest of your life.

  7. When someone cheats its a deal breaker. I’m always shocked by how many cheating spouses will throw their divorce on the uncheating party for not wanting to work it out. They are the one who broke the deal. If their spouse wants to try and work it out they should be grateful. They didn’t have to do that.

  8. Pingback: 7 Top Signs That Your Spouse Might Be Having An Affair - Aha!NOW

  9. Everyone cheats the ones that don’t never had a chance to thats all.

    • You know, I wasn’t sure at first if I should approve this comment. After all, I don’t want this to be a negative site, and I happen to personally disagree with you. But in the end I did approve it because I think a lot of people feel this way–especially shortly after they just discovered their spouse’s affair.

      • I agree with Valerie, not everyone cheats. some of us still believe in love, respect, fidelity, faithfulness and loyalty, even having good moral standards or beliefs. Simple you really must be extremely Simple mind.

    • That is so far from true… you must be a very simple minded person.

  10. It started about 2 months ago he started hiding his phone and when its in the house the mesages and call log is always cleared and I gist need to know if I should be worried

    • I’ve wondered why the phone is hidden in the house…..starting to worry, even when he says I have nothing to worry about, that he is not into playing games

  11. I know another sign of cheating not mentioned here, dealing with the vehicle. In my investigation of our SUV I discovered one of the above listed signs & it tied into my new sign: when I inspected our truck, I found the passenger seat was reclined, AND I found loose change in the crack of the seat, like the kind that would fall out of a mans pockets. My wife takes the truck to work. I’m a poor bastard, I don’t ever let loose change exist in my truck, so I know that change wasn’t from me there’s never anyone in the passenger side. BUSTED

  12. He throws me a big 50th Birthday Party and days later says he wants a divorce. He says “I love you and am in love with you but don’t want to be married anymore”?

  13. Great, comprehensive list of what to look for. My personal experience leads me to urge, pay attention. I didn’t, because I never thought my wife of 25 years would ever cheat. She left me just before Christmas, disabled with early heart disease. I was and am so devastated, I didn’t think to look for proof until I got out of the hospital from the shock. The tracks were covered then. Even still, most of the above fit. By the time I started checking, it has just left me with wondering. Am I wrong or right? I’m told it doesn’t matter who it is or was, or even if their was an OP. Maybe there is something different with me, but it DOES matter. I know it won’t change anything, but it haunts me. Do yourself a favor and quietly check things before it’s too late. Damn, the pain, it’s better to know for sure then to be left with constantly wondering why. Strange how it gets twisted and turned around on you. I wish I knew the truth.

  14. Sign 14–Things you’ll hear:

    1. “We are just friends.”
    2. “I need you to respect my privacy.”
    3. “I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.”
    4. “I need some space to figure out my feelings.”

    I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You.” is the most odious sentence in relation….I had all the above three points, I analysied her behavior, asked her many many many times whether she literary cheated on me or not, and she said no, never, If I had done that, I d have told you and this make or break. Here is his number you can call him and ask! … It s very complicated….the only true prover is checking sms via the main operator and NOT the phone, it proves 100% but hard to do….

  15. My wife completely blocked me from her Facebook and her behavior changed. All of her changed behaviors were listed above. Every time I would try to talk to her about it she would say that I’m so insecure and that made me very unattractive. When it came to her Facebook she said it was private and I needed to respect that. I knew she didn’t love me and I constantly tried getting her to admit it and find a way that we could be friends and separate amicably but she kept denying until I saw emails from single guys that were looking to meet her on her cell. I left her then and she still denied everything and blames the end of the marriage on me. She has never admitted anything to me since and it still bothers me that she hasn’t. She is in my life since we have kids and I don’t know how I can get her to just be honest.

    • Went thru the same thing man. FB is a great tool for a cheater. Demand access to all accounts incl emails.

    • How do you check the SMS? He had to change jobs. His company paid for his phone. We had to add him to mine. He keeps saying he should just get a track phone. I know he cheated on me. Gut, and tell tail signs. I was ready to leave and he asked me to stay. I have No trust, but a lot to give up. I want proof, I want to knock his dick in the dirt.

  16. My husband has displayed most of the signs above. But the one thing I trust the most is my gut feeling, or sixth sense as I like to call it. I think he is cheating on me. Unfortunately, I have no proof. So, my plan of retaliation is the following: I go to the gym every day I take out my frustrations and I burn calories at the same time . I started buying trendy clothes, I have my make up on all day, so when he gets home I look good, and I act like is all good not a care in the world. That way, if he is cheating on me which I’m pretty sure he is!!! I’m giving the B…. He’s cheating on me with a run for her money!!! Don’t get me wrong I love my husband, but I won’t sit here and take it. If he does leaves me! I look good and I won’t have any problems finding me some one that will respect me and appreciate me. So, bring it on.🙅

    • I totally agree with you I am doing the same I know I deserve better than him so let him get on with it he is the bad one in the relationship so good luck to him.

  17. After 22 years of being happily married and never having taken separate vacations before, my husband decides he wants to go to Hawaii with his grown son, who isn’t married. We just had a fantastic vacation in Hawaii two months ago. I was not even invited to go this time. Am I being paranoid, or should I be on my guard?

    • Diane,
      It is really impossible to tell, based on the little information you’ve given here. For example, you say you had 22 years of happy marriage, and it seems to me that in a happy marriage both parties would be transparent with each other (that means being ‘See Through’ and letting your spouse see the REAL YOU: what you think and feel, who you’re really with, what you’re really doing, etc. In other words, not hiding stuff). If this is how your marriage has been, just tell him you feel a little weird that he’s going off by himself all-of-a-sudden and you want to discuss it and be in agreement before he just goes off and leaves. For all you know, he may have a perfectly reasonable reason for going, like his grown son getting a degree, a promotion that will require a LOT of time so it’s their last chance to spend time together, or your husband or son is ill. I’m just saying, there are legitimate reasons on the planet why he’d want to do this.

      BUT (and I think it’s a pretty big but…) one of the key components to a healthy, happy, respectful marriage is for the two partners to discuss things and be in agreement before major things like this are undertaken. The fact he didn’t discuss it with you at all raises a bit of a red flag in my mind. If you ask him about it and he’s defensive, that would raise another red flag. If he rages, that would raise a bigger red flag. At that point, I might suggest looking at our article “Low Tech Ways to Gather Evidence” and just begin to verify the truth. Double check bank statements and phone bills, with an open mind and an attitude of just verifying trustworthiness.

      Honestly, at this time I wouldn’t panic, but it does sound unusual. I’d suggest being honest with him and talking about it.

    • Diane, One would think after 22 years of marital bliss, you could tell him your concerns. So ask him. What’s the big deal here? If you can’t ask him, I take issue with your first seven words in your post.

    • Be on your guard.

  18. Everything that affaircare is saying is happening to me, i dont knw what to do..i think im smelling a divorce foom him…

  19. Before Christmas my wife said our marriage was over! On the 16th December she has her works Christmas party and gets home at 06:30!! I suspect something is going on and start looking through her stuff and find a name “Steve” in her 2014 calender between my name and my son’s (our birthdays are 5 days apart). I ask who is Steve, and the response is a guy at work (she also had her boss’s [Wendy] birthday in march). 24th December I find a Christmas card in her handbag from Steve, and teh front of teh card has the following message: All I want for Christmas is you” and inside a lovely message from Steve with lots of xoxoxoxoxo. I show her teh card and she says he is just a friend!! In the new year I find her mobile phone bill and can see 20 to 30 text messages a day starting in October. Again she says he is just a friend!!!

    In my mind I have do doubt she is having an affair as on 23rd December she went late night shopping, but I found the receipt for the items and it was stamped 15:00. In addition, on the weekend I went out with my son there are only 1 or 2 text messages in the morning, but othere weekends 20 to 30 all day.

    My wife has sworn on her Gran’s and our Son’s life that she has not had an affair, but all of the above leads me to the conclusion she has had an affair.

    I now need to decide what to do, as she has asked to time to see how she feels and she cars for me but does not love me. I have moved out and plan to divorce her…

    • You need to go see an attorney. She is obviously not respecting the marriage anymore.

      • I am seeing a solicitot/attorney on Monday.

        Is it common for partners to deny the affair even when confronted with “evidence”? My wife continues to say they are just friends and nothing has happened!

    • What the name of the company your wife work for? The reason I’m asking is because my fiancé name is Steve and I believe he’s cheating. I know it’s a small world and I’m saying that we’re speaking of the same person but his job had a Christmas party that he didn’t invite me to because he said he was only going to dropped off a gift and leave. It’s just that your stories sounds similar to mine thats why I’m asking that’s….I’m not crazy or any thing, once I read about what you said about your wife, it just hit close to home.

      • Very risky for anyone to answer a question like that. It would be foolish and possibly dangerous. You need to figure things out for yourself. If you think he is cheating, end your engagement, especially if you are already asking questions. You have doubts.

    • The receipt would have been the clincher for me! “Late night shopping”, while the receipt shows the latest purchase at 3:00pm? Of course she would have covered that by saying she did go shopping somewhere else but threw the receipt away. Or her female friends did the shopping and she was with them.

  20. Matthew, it depends. In my case my wife of 24 years denied everything even when I had overwhelming proof. Cheaters will do or say anything even lie straight to your face.

    Ask her for her passwords and all access to all her accounts including emails.

    This is the facebook era and while many married people are able to have friends of the opposite sex. Some sadly use that poise as justification.

    Good Luck. It does get better.

    • I have given up looking for more evidence, as I have no doubt in my mind what she was up to, and it was starting to drive me mad!
      I guess once your partner starts lying, they can’t stop. The past month has been tough, but I have now come to terms with getting a divorce and I am looking forward to a new life.

      • Mathew, I completely understand. My D Day was December 4th 2013 and the woman who I married at 18 was the love of my life. After 24 years I found out that I was never the “love of her life” and found out with hard concrete proof. I as well am looking forward to a new life and hoping to find a woman who does not lie nor cheat and knows what honesty is all about. Good luck to you mate, just remember arguing and fighting will lead nowhere and being a gentleman with dignity and poise will show who shines the most.

  21. Wow. This is as accurate and comprehensive a list of the typical cheater behaviors as I’ve ever seen. Personal experience showed me that “respect my privacy”, “just friends” and hiding the cellphone are excellent tells. When she starts accusing you or feigns outrage at your suspicion, you’ve probably hit the nail on the head. If it sounds like complete and utter BS, it probably is. Good site!

  22. Thanks for your advice.

  23. I don’t have a clue whether my fiancé is cheating or not because he’s only done some of the things that’s been listed like for instance: We’ve been together almost 4 years and the way he talks to me is different, he shows less interest in me and our sex life, when at first all we had to do is look at each other and it was “Over” but now were barely doing anything at all. Not that I’m making excuses for him but he has to be get up for work VERY early in the morning and sometimes he doesn’t even take a shower but tired or not if your women is nude when you come home and y’all haven’t been having sex, not TOOT my own horn but with my body type, he should be all over it but instead he’ll spark up a conversation about something totally out of the ordinary which doesn’t make sense to me. I’m so thrown off by him, confused and upset. I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried almost everything to make want me and it hasn’t work, so I’m so close to throwing in the towel because he’s not doing a lot of the things he use to.

  24. I am married for 16 years now. I love my wife and believe that come what may I should stand by her.
    4 years after my marriage my wife took me to a park and suddenly told me that she has proof that I had an affair with the woman staying opposite to my house. I was surprised to know that I had an affair and I did not know it. I tried telling her that it was her imagination but she never agrees. 2 years later she blamed me of an affair with my house maid, It repeated again after 1 more year. We changed house and the same blame of affair with the opposite house lady was made. I was told by my elders and friends that wife’s normally behave like that because they are afraid of loosing you. But now with repeated allegations I am now convinced that there is some thing more than what I can see.

    Also from the past 4 years she is become more hostile to my parents and relatives. At times she fumes at the mere mention of names.
    She disregards anything I do and does not like anything I do or say at all. She keeps blaming me of not doing anything for her & my son. I have in fact given them gifts, trips etc which are forgotten,
    I do not know what does all this mean my life is getting worse day by day.

    • Dhar, it sounds like to me you are dealing with someone who has serious mental health issues, and unfortunately you have become an accomplice. She is the puppet master while you and your son are manipulated by her strings. Now tell me I am wrong here, but for the most part from the time you wake up, until the time you go to sleep, your life is filled with drama- her drama. You have no real inner-peace, security or romance with her, and sex is nearly non-existent, until she might initiate it which is rare, and usually with motive. Sometimes she will simply stop speaking to you for hours or even days. The things and people you love, well almost certainly she finds fault. In fact she finds fault with everything.

      You have become a tortured soul, even though you are a very decent individual. Stop being so pious and naive. This woman will NEVER change. Stand by her? Why? So you can walk on egg shells each day, do everything to earn her praise, and make her happy? Your spouse probably has a narcissistic personality disorder, and you, her and your poor son live in a world created by your wife if you stop and thing about it. You live in the world of codependency. Now that is my guess and only that. Chances are you will do nothing, and continue to live in her warped world. If I were you? I would find a therapist for you like TODAY. Not for you as a couple, but for you as a person. Do not tell wife or son about therapy. Don’t even think about “fixing” her- ain’t going to happen. Continue in therapy and start to see a beautiful life ahead of you, and without that evil and manipulative woman in your life. Get an attorney and create an exit strategy. I would give her no advance warning. Have the attorney advise you on local laws, and how you should go about taking some needed cash. Ask him about those credit cards the bittch has run up- often living beyond her means. If the price for your sanity is bankruptcy, that is not so big in the scheme of things.

      Once you leave her, her lovely character will take a quantum leap, where she calls your employer, friends and family and accuses you of everything in the book. She will torture you with questions as she is losing what she loves most. No not you silly. Her hold on you. She will try to entice you with sex, but you now see her insides where you are totally repulsed. Keep your cell phone, but get a separate one for yourself. Give it to no one she knows. You are in for quite a ride. She is going to have a ball using your son to get to you! BE STRONG! Just let it roll off you. Continue in therapy. You deserve a life of peace, love and tranquility. Things will get better and in a while down the road you will be whole again, and find a woman that loves you back. In the meantime get out asap! Save yourself, and your son.

      Good Luck.

    • I also agree with Brock. She may have a personality disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder and it’s devastating – abandonment/attachment issues and twisted perceptions, namely the frantic obsessive attempts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Check out the BPD sites or the DSM-5 definition and get help for both of you if possible. Good luck!

  25. is she safe with me or me with her? such behaviour is common 2 both of us!

  26. Thank a lot Brock.

  27. Wow there are several signs I continue to see and I wasn’t realizing it to be as bad as it really is thank u for your advice and help now do u no a good counselor haha

  28. what if she only shows a few signs not all of them?

  29. I am in a very similar situation and it’s funny the way you are thinking. That was my solution also.
    I am so glad I found someone is dealing with this in this way. Thank you for your post. Sometimes you can’t get out at that time or you are not sure…but you can change you and your thinking.

    I do have a question. How do you maintain your strength knowing this without letting on to any insecurities?
    There are days when I feel strong and can do this and days when he zaps my self esteem.

    But I can’t leave now and I have no proof. It’s just the gut feeling.

  30. My reply was to Phrotz17. I need advice . Thank you!

  31. I was in a similar situation…you will NEVER get her to admit her wrongdoing. NEVER. Start with that, mourn over it for a few days, accept that she is UNABLE to admit what she did was horrible…then MOVE ON before it eats you up. Take it from me..receiving no confession ate me up for 3 years and I regret that. Get counseling to help you move past it and make the rest of your life the best! Letting it chew you up doesn’t hurt anyone but you…so stop. Building an awesome life without her is the best thing to do to make her regret ever cheating. Good luck.

  32. I’ve had a gut feeling inside of me about my partner cheating on me for quite some time now.hes changed alot from the time I first met him.his attitude has gone from nice to bad and abusive(when were arguing)he neva use to be like this,he hardly ever wants to make love and that’s not normal he was always affectionate when it come to sex its like hes lost interest,when ever I confront him it turns in too a big argument and he ends up hitting me.hes kind to me at home when its just us and when he wants something.hes lazy theres no family time anymore its like he doesnt care.he treats me like a
    mate not a partner.he gives me options
    aargument then he ends up hitting means makes me feel like im the one in the wrong

  33. recently caught my husband surfing porn on his laptop in the living room while i was watching tv in the bedroom. we haven’t been intimate for a long long time & he has been telling me that he is so tired after work (but apparently, not tired enough for porn with a full on erection). apart from this, he hasn’t really shown any other signs of cheating, but maybe he is just really good at covering up any affair that he might be having. =( the worst part is that when i recall back, there were nights when he would sometimes “sleepwalk” in the middle of the night & he would suddenly get all passionate on top of me. when i asked him what was it about the next morning, he gave some reply like becuz he loves me even in his sleep. But now, I think he got all worked up by the late night porn watching. I dun know if this is healthy at all with the porn thing… and i have been so confused for weeks already. is he attracted to some other girl… or having an affair or something. I just can’t figure it out.

    • MSG, while most men and I mean MOST men browse porn safely and securely in the privacy of their home, a good majority do just that. Browse porn and whatnot. As a married man I can tell you that I browsed porn and maintained a healthy relationship with my wife for over 25 years. Maybe you can look at what he is looking at and try and fulfill what he is looking at as long as it’s dignified and rewarding to the both of you. Obviously he is wanting something you are not offering. Take care to pay attention to that, because if he draws in to much he will transition to real life for that fantasy. Anyhow, just offering you a mans point of view.

  34. There’s a couple of twists and turns to this question, hence the need to get a bit long-winded, but please bear with me. My ex-wife and I started dating about 3 years ago after being divorced for 7 years. We live in separate homes, get along well, and have a really awesome intimate life-I wish we could have had this before the divorce. (Her sex drive actually increased after menopause, like tenfold or so.) BTW, she’s hot; we’re both in our late 50′s but don’t look it; everything works, we keep fit, lucky genes I guess.

    She works the front desk at a hotel, where a co-worker of mine LIVES (rents by the month). This co-worker is a male slut, has track record of that. So, I warned my ex about that, to be careful. However, for about a year now, my ex and 2-3 co-workers of hers have been getting together on a monthly basis (more or less), going to clubs, dinner, or the movies. During this time, she only told me of ONE outing. And, she left out the part about Mr. Male Slut going along. But let me go to May 2013…

    I had no reason to distrust her, until May, when she called me upset about her suspicions that Male Slut was sleeping with one of her co-worker friends. She sounded near tears when she called me (she admits that), saying she was not being jealous, but hurt, because she felt she was betrayed by the friend / co-worker, in not confiding in her about the “affair”. The affair had actually never happened, she was just overly suspicious. But, for several months after, I noticed she spoke of Male Slut in ways that seem to be a bit too “friendly”, to the point that it almost sounds like she’s talking about a high school crush (that’s my take anyhow, hopefully not biased by my suspicions).

    Fast forward to last December. She tells me she has been emotional lately, cries for no apparent reason. Hormones are not an issue, as she is past menopause, like I mentioned. In addition, the “crush-like” tone suddenly seems to change to a tight-lipped response when Male Slut’s name is mentioned.

    She had told me about going out with her friends one time last year, one time only. After a few beers at home one night, I asked her about this, making the assumptions that they had gone out more than once, and that Male Slut was there. She fell for it, and she said they had gone out twice, and that yes, he was there. (Several weeks later, little by little, it came out they had gone out several times, with Mr. Male Slut coming along.)

    I became more suspicious, she noticed it, and offered to let me look through her cell phone’s call log, to confirm they don’t talk on the phone other than when the group is going out (the log by then only showed a few weeks worth of calls around Dec 2012). I asked : who asked whom for a phone number first, and she said no one, that they got each other’s numbers almost “accidentally” on the first night the group went out. She got very fidgety and had a nervous laughter-blush when I asked this. After downloading her cell phone card onto my computer (she didn’t see me do this, but hey, she offered so I took her up on it), I see the group went out around 10 times last year, and she eventually confessed (not because she volunteered, but because she got caught) that Male Slut went along on six or more of those times.

    She says that she and Mr. MS have never gone out alone, always at least one of her friends comes along. She also says he has never hit on her, because she’s not his type, and that she has zero interest in him. This part, she answers in a manner that does look truthful, I can kind of tell since we’ve known each other almost 40 years. Then again, she may just be a very good liar.

    To summarize, I will give you a couple of scenarios, the first being where an affair is very probable, either emotional of physical, and the second, where hopefully nothing happened – this is where I don’t know what the hell to think, the “evidence” is conflicting:

    I. Affair
    -our relationship after the divorce was purely sexual, no emotional needs met, she may have needed the emotional attention from me, which I admit was not there
    -she lied about his company, for about a year
    -lied about how often she went out
    -she felt jealous thinking MS was having an affair w/ co-worker
    -caught her leaving work 45 min late twice. 1st time by accident
    -no explanation for 1st time being late: “I don’t remember, etc”
    -2nd time she said she stayed to eat her lunch
    -says she hates her job, but stays after quit time for 45 min (“visiting” in his room?)
    -I’ve seen them walking together after she got off work
    -she called him up two different times, at her quit time(to tell him she’s on her way to his room?)
    -one night, she calls him at quit time, then 6 more times that evening, as if getting ready to get picked up to go out. No calls from co-workers, so it wasn’t a “girls’ night out” – she “cant remember” that day
    -cell phone calls don’t show long conversations, however they can talk in person, she’s at work while he’s there 3 days (24 hrs) a week

    II. No Affair
    -she promised, on our own daughters and grandchild, that she has never had sex with Mr. MS
    -says she lied about him because she knew I would be upset
    -all calls are 2 min or less
    -FWIW, we continued being intimate throughout all this time
    -she agreed to not go out w co-workers, esp him, ever again
    -we seem to be developing more feelings towards each other since this blew up about 6 weeks ago

    I have no real hard proof, just a lot of circumstantial evidence, so this is why I need input from you out there, hopefully you have viewpoints I have not been able to see-my emotional state doesn’t help clarify the situation. My thoughts are that she had at least an emotional affair with Mr. Male Slut, with possibly some intimacy. However, I also think it’s possible this was a full-blown affair, and she is just going all out to deny it, saying whatever she has to say to convince me. I have had a hard time getting her to admit to much, just bits and pieces here and there. She has apologized, but still denies any feelings whatsoever toward him, much less any sexual relationship. She says they never danced together, held hands, nor kissed. She says she loves me. I know it’s to her advantage to say all this, because we have life-long ties (2 daughters and a grandchild), so this is to be expected. Lastly, I have to be honest: I had not planned to ever re-marry this woman, but since finding out all this stuff, the thought of losing her like this has made me stop to reconsider our relationship. I guess the fact that someone else could take her from me, makes me want to hold on to her even more. Oddly enough, sex has been even hotter now. The pictures in my mind of her with someone else fuels things up…kinda weird, no? Thanks for all your input.

    • Raul , that is some pretty intense insight. As someone who has recently been through my wife having an EA I can say that the stress and worry that comes with dealing with situations can be somewhat overwhelming. However, if your wife(ex) says she loves you and you say you cannot let her go then do what your heart says to do. I admit also it is a very huge turn on for some men to fantasize their wives being with other men. Sort of tingles me also , BUT do not cross that line if you are not prepared for the consequences.

      I would say that your wife seems to just want to have fun and cut loose, I mean if she is not coming home and never home what is the big deal? If she is at home with you and everything you do and watch is good then why look into more than what you are seeing.

      If she is denying feelings for someone else and you of all people should know if she is telling the truth, then why find something that isn’t there? I am just saying that if you guys are having a healthy sex life and you both are speaking to one another , then let her enjoy her life. Yes, woman DO need time to themselves to feel free.

      I would say that you should chill a LOT and let her do her thing. I mean I would follow due diligence and keep my radar turned her way for a while but why stress yourself out when or if there isn’t anything going on. See my point?

    • Warning: I’m going to say some things that you may not appreciate. Let’s get the major things out of the way, and in doing so, we can simplify this sad situation and possibly make a way for you to come out ‘ahead’.

      So, first, a few observations:

      1) Male Slut is not married. He acts as many, many men do in today’s society. As such, there is no more reason to single out his behavior from the majority of men anywhere.

      2) Your ex-wife is not married.

      3) You are not married.

      The reason I point all of these out is to get to the first of the root problems in your situation:

      Marriage differs from all else in one thing only. Look at it this way: you can have sex with anyone – no marriage necessary. You can be friends with anyone – no marriage necessary. You can have children with anyone – no marriage necessary. You can buy appliances or real estate with anyone – no marriage necessary. You can go on long vacations, go to concerts and so on – no marriage necessary.

      The one thing that makes marriage different it the fact that it is a commitment – a contractual agreement. When you marry someone, you make a specific contract, or commitment – with that person. Depending on the terms to which you agree, you marriage is defined. Here at Affaircare, we specifically define marriage as 100% loyalty and fidelity to one person. There may be other places that define it differently; this is what we use here.

      Because neither you, your ex-wife, nor Male Slut are married, there is no contract or commitment to any party involved. There may well be some tacit, or assumed – or implied – agreement – say, between you and your ex wife, but there is no marriage contract by which anyone’s behavior could be defined as ‘an affair’. Look at it this way: you are ‘having a relationship’ with an unmarried woman. Is this not also true of Male Slut? Perhaps he may step beyond that and wreck marriages, but that is pretty much irrelevant in the case of the parties involved here (no marriage to wreck).

      Why is this so important? Because at this point in time, you are in the position of evaluating another person as a prospective partner: someone with whom you may or may not wish to enter into marriage contract. How they act now, how you act now, will determine the wisdom of such a choice.

      The second root problem I see in your relationship is the fact that your ex-wife finds it difficult to be open and honest with you. We don’t have nearly enough information to make any qualified assessment of why this may be, but I can take a couple of guesses – for example:

      Option 1) Your ex-wife is an habitually dishonest person, one who finds that hiding from the truth makes life easier to cope.

      Option 2) You are perceived by your ex-wife as one to whom revelations and honesty are not safely received. That is, you do not make the environment safe for her to be open with you: perhaps you are harsh in judgment, or highly critical.

      There are also many other possible reasons: I only present a couple. Thats an area that you should deeply consider: it will affect ANY future relationship you have: the choice of person you want to be with, the type of person you are, etc.

      The other problem I see in this issue is how you view ‘Male Slut’. Your choice of descriptor reveals much. You don’t like the guy. The problem is that this can lead to clouding your judgment regarding your ex-wife. You may well embellish and add to the situation, building up a horrible monster in your own imagination. What if your ex-wife really doen’t find the guy all that interesting? What if she does? Is it not her choice to make – even her mistake to learn from? How free is she in this relationship? How much control do you exert over her moves, her life?

      Things to think about! Perhaps your ex-wife is not the person you want her to be, and you are trying to make her into your idea? YOu aren’tmarried – you are not committed to, nor bound by, any contract with her. Keep that in mind!

      Sincerely,
      David
      Affaircare Marriage Coach

      • Thanks David for such a complete response.
        There is something I disagree with, notwithstanding the definition of marital commitment you describe. Firs of all, there is the implied commitment oin being in a relationship, married or not. If the two partners in a non-married relationship subscribe to your school of thought, then that would mean either of them could go out, or have sex, with anyone they wish-how unrealistic is that? What about live-in boyfriend / girlfriend situations, or where a couple is engaged and not yet married or living together?
        Then, there is the fact that she hid these “outings”. The implication, when she hid them, is that she KNEW there was, or should have been, the expectation of exclusivity between her and me. She was hiding something, hence she knew she was doing wrong. Her supposed expectation that I would be upset could have played a part in hiding this of course. Nevertheless, and more importantly, she explains her actions by saying that she knew I wouldn’t like it if I knew. And that was because she KNEW we had an unspoken understanding of being exclusive to one another. I don’t think this type of relationship requires a sit-down where ALL the details are drawn out or written. My girlfriend is not to see anyone else, and her boyfriend (me) shall not do likewise.
        I don’t really blame the man involved. He turned on the charm he is so well known for, and she fell for it.
        The hiding, on her part, is the problem. I see a ton of circumstantial evidence pointing to an EA at least, including tears, jealousy, etc. The extension of the problem is that she will not ‘fess up to anything, other than going out with friends to have a “good time”.
        I wish she would realize that confessing to having a physical affair, or even only an emotional one, would be all that it takes for me to process the ordeal and then carry on.
        Not getting this confession, with all the evidence I see, is what hurts most and prevents me from moving on.

        Again, thanks for your response, looking forward to further insight.

      • Hi Raul –

        A few comments….

        “…There is something I disagree with, notwithstanding the definition of marital commitment you describe. Firs of all, there is the implied commitment oin being in a relationship, married or not. If the two partners in a non-married relationship subscribe to your school of thought, then that would mean either of them could go out, or have sex, with anyone they wish-how unrealistic is that?…”

        It is not unrealistic at all. That’s the nature of reality – how the world operates all around us. Watch how couples come together and fall apart. Even so called ‘marriages’ are victim to this ‘definition’. I am not saying that it is RIGHT to engage in such activity – I am simply pointing out that this is the rule, not the exception, to ‘modern’ (i.e. post-modern) life.

        “…What about live-in boyfriend / girlfriend situations, or where a couple is engaged and not yet married or living together?…”

        What about it? For example – if you are engaged to a person who carries on with someone else – NOW is the time to reconsider your plan to commit to a marriage. I’d even go one farther and ask that you consider any person who is willing to engage in sexual activity outside of marriage. Unrealistic? Perhaps. But we live to please God, not ourselves.

        My point is simple: a marriage occurs when both partners verbally express, in front of witnesses, a lifetime of physical and intellectual commitment to each other, at the exclusion of all other human beings. They promise or commit, to this activity. This is what distinguishes marriage from everything else: it is what defines marriage.

        Any ‘implied’ commitment is an unspoken expectation that one or both partners in a relationship may (or may not) hold. The fact that it is unspoken means that in all reality, the only person who can know if they truly are committed is the one thinking the thought. You CANNOT know – and can only ASSUME that your partner agrees to this condition – unless they specifically TELL you.

        Now quite often both partners tend to agree to this arrangement – as an assumption, but this is no guarantee that it holds true in any specific situation. You can only know the truth if it is expressed to you intentionally.

        “…Then, there is the fact that she hid these “outings”. The implication, when she hid them, is that she KNEW there was, or should have been, the expectation of exclusivity between her and me. She was hiding something, hence she knew she was doing wrong. Her supposed expectation that I would be upset could have played a part in hiding this of course. Nevertheless, and more importantly, she explains her actions by saying that she knew I wouldn’t like it if I knew…”

        I will point out again that this does NOT prove that BOTH of you were operating under an ‘expectation of exclusivity’. All that it proves is that YOU have that expectation – and it implies that your reaction to your expectation being broken may result in behavior that your ex-wife does not like. She will do what she can to avoid that behavior.

        But her actions show differently, do they not?

        “…And that was because she KNEW we had an unspoken understanding of being exclusive to one another. I don’t think this type of relationship requires a sit-down where ALL the details are drawn out or written. My girlfriend is not to see anyone else, and her boyfriend (me) shall not do likewise…”

        No one is asking you to sit down and draw out ALL the details (such an expectation is unrealistic – given that you are not omniscient) – but some details are better discussed than assumed. You are working under an assumption that you then attribute to another person. Why are you unwilling to explicitly ask that she be 100% faithful to you – to the exclusion of all other men? Is it that you would rather play games: expecting her to act in one manner – and then being free to feel all upset when she does not? What is the payoff for not engaging in a simple conversation?

        “…I don’t really blame the man involved. He turned on the charm he is so well known for, and she fell for it. The hiding, on her part, is the problem. I see a ton of circumstantial evidence pointing to an EA at least, including tears, jealousy, etc. The extension of the problem is that she will not ‘fess up to anything, other than going out with friends to have a “good time”…”

        You are not married. She has not committed to you, there is no ‘engagement,’ and you have not asked specifically for her to be faithful to you. If you do not like the manner in which she behaves – why are you pursuing a relationship with her? THIS is the time to rethink what manner of person to which you want to commit – now, BEFORE you enter into a life-long exclusivity.

        “…I wish she would realize that confessing to having a physical affair, or even only an emotional one, would be all that it takes for me to process the ordeal and then carry on.

        Why? What if there never was one? You are not married: you have not committed to any exclusivity with her (other than what you have stirred up in your own mind.) Do you want her to lie to you so that you can ‘move on’? How would you ever know if she tells the truth? If you already know ALL the facts: then why do you need her confession? If you have all the facts, and know the truth, isn’t it more important to determine if this is the kind of person with which you wish to commit….given the assumption that SHE is willing to commit in the same fashion to you?

        Yours to consider…

        David Taylor
        Affaircare Marriage Coach

        One final note: we have added a forum to our site – if you wish to discuss your issue with others – feel free to use it!

    • I’m sorry but didn’t you say after the divorce this happened? If so y r u worried if y’all already divorced?

  35. all and more than you need to deduce it. Gut instinct, phone detail records and well, why not try to follow them sometime from work. go to their work place and see if they are there. see if they really are working late. many people work in places with large parking areas and vantage points where a person could do surveillance.

  36. HI everyone, I am feeling so bad for a very long time in my marriage. My parents bought a wonderful house for us after we got married for more than 7 yrs. He had drinking problems before, he promised me after we have our own house, he will change. but now he rarely come home, weekend after weekend stay in his friend’s house or tell me he has to work. when he is not home ,especially in the night, he won’t pick up my call, he hardly calls me back or send me message, always calls me back next day or two days later. the excuse is always he got drunk, his phone is out of juice……he doesn’t want to get divorce and also doesn’t do anything to improve our relationship, I asked him so many time if he is cheating on me, he always say absolutely no, he will never do such thing to me, he just feels depressed and need time by himself alone away from home. we don’t even have child after being married for 9 years, i am so afraid to have child with him, I am so worried if I got pregnant and he will left me home alone by myself or if there is emergency he will not pick up the phone when I call. My heart is broken, I feel so sad, so sad.

    • Honey he needs to be kicked. You don’t do things like that when your married. Your parents bought the house so kick him out and move on. My husband will be kicked out soon too so I understand the situation you are in. Mine says he hasn’t cheated either even though I have caught him several times. As soon as my ducks are lined up he is out. Be more selective next time dear. I wish you the best of luck.

  37. My husband is getting mad at me for no reason or just ignores me and not interested in me and suddenly he wants s*x. He works full time mad very hard. Can some figure out if he is just tired from work or if there is someone else is his life. I’m lost!!!

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  39. guy i know out in calif.
    married for 3 yrs ive never met his wife,
    he never mentions her and acts like its a stupid yuppy work thing,
    and no affection between them with no shared interests.
    why are they married if thers nothing there?
    really strange

    • I’m sorry but WHY ARE U FREAKING TRYING TO GET WITH HIM IF HES FREAKING MARRIED.?? My God. Marriage is between man and wife not anyone else so stay the heck away if he’s married..

  40. I was out of town for 12 days & did laundry when I got back. I found my wife’s most seductive black silk panties which she never wore before & hasn’t since. I folded them I put them on top of her pile & in a matter of minutes they & only they were put up. I asked her about wearing them & gave me a lame somewhat defensive excuse. What do you think of this?

  41. Gary, just because she wore her sexy panties doesn’t mean she is cheating. Did you ever think that perhaps she just had a desire to feel sexy while you were gone? I wouldn’t jump to conclusions just because she wore her fav pair of sexy panties.

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  43. What should I do he told me he needed space… that he had hatred because we caused alot of harm to each other. .. but then again I asked him for a divorce and he said no…. I told him to get out of the house and he says his not leaving. … I found him speaking to a girl… but afterwards he change his number and he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me while she was on the phone listening and then me and her spoke to each other and she told me she had nothing to do with him and that whatever she would say I wouldn’t believe it but that I just didn’t know how much he loved me and the kids. … I’m just so confused but ived never saw him cheating I just think he did but I don’t know for a fact… Please tell me what should I do

  44. Okay so last night he says he found someone to fill the office spot at his office. Really I ask who? He says one of my customers. So naturally I ask out of all your customers why is this the one? He says because she is my friend….. Really??
    I guess it’s possible. But I just find it so odd that we have been married for 27 years and he’s had a “friend” that I’ve never ever heard of before.
    Am I overreacting??

  45. My husband is on his cell phone 24/7 he has Google + and twitter accounts. He has a lot of women on there, I found a message stating he thought this person was absolutely beautiful and she is sexy. When I confronted him he stated that they talk to each other that way all the time and will block her. He told me she was married, like dulls the blow. I found out she’s single and lives with her parents. I think I know my answer on what I need to do but would like to hear opinions.

  46. Tamara, he is certainly not being honest with you, telling you that she is married is straight up mid information and he is trying to throw the scent off. Doesn’t seem he has done anything yet but is defiantly trying to mack on her.

  47. Thank you so much. So I’m not being just a jealous wife. As he put.

  48. what does it mean when a man text your husband he is his BFF?

  49. I have been married for 15 years. My wife has always claimed that our marriage broke on our wedding day. Though I have always taken this in jest, in the last two years things have deteriorated to the extent that she has stopped being affectionate. In the last five months I have persevered having a wife who will not show any affection apart from when we went on holiday in December when she agreed to make love to me. However, come January, the same story was back that the marriage is in a state of disrepair and she has no feelings. Indeed she prefers out but for the sake of our son who is a candidate, she would like things remain as they are so that the children do not get their lives disrupted. On the issue of children, I agree with her position but I have big problem continuing in a relation that is chewing into my peace. This has particularly gotten me concerned given that she has now taken to coming to work at home up to very late. When she is up to late, she is permanently on phone and texting to people that she claims she is working on their project. I have raised the issue of the phone and though she has avoided using the phone, I am sure she still able to chat through other means. In fact, I have noticed that she texts some messages even just before we go to bed which at times is as late as past mid-night. I have no evidence of her cheating but all signs of a potential situation in the making are glaringly clear.

    I have also noticed in the last two months she has been very affectionate to a married personality that I know and when I ask, the answer I get is that he is just a good friend. I can not accuse her of infidelity but this friendship is making me very uncomfortable. Can there be just friendship or am I just refusing to smell the coffee?

  50. @Ruilicks, I hate to say this but she is seeing someone and you are allowing it to happen because she has you convinced that you and her should stay together for the child. She is getting her fulfillment with someone else while you are at home alone and unhappy. Instead of letting her walk all over you in the sake of your child you need to man up and tell her you need to live a happy life and file for divorce. No one deserves to live in a loveless relationship and she is staying out late, talking to another man or woman and just buying time until she is able to move on after the child grows up.

    So basically, if I get this right, she and you are just together for the child, let me ask you this.. what will happen when the child grows up ? Then she will leave you and you will have no one and all the time you spent sitting around waiting for something to happen will be time lost from your own personal life and happiness.

    Now it’s time to grow a pair and speak up and do something and stop allowing her and enabling her to carry on with her own cheating life while you suffer. It’s clear as day that she doesn’t respect your marriage. So now show her how it feels and move on.

  51. My husband of 14 yrs cheated on me with my best friend before and after we married. When I asked my friend 4 years ago to be completely honest about all that had happened between them, that I wanted the full truth, she basically told me to have a nice life and has never contacted me again. I caught them on 3 different occasions and so I already knew but had happened and had hoped she at least could be honest with me…but NO! She could believe I was calling her a home wrecker, which I never said, and then said I don’t know where this is coming from but then went on to speak of one of the 2 of the 3 incidences I know about. Her and I were like sisters and I assured her that no matter what she said that I wouldn’t hold it against her.

    There are also 3 other women I suspect he has cheated on me with and 1 has a kid that looks a lot like my hubby and wont elaborate to anyone information on the “dad”. I finally had had enough in 2010 and communicated with him about what I knew about, he PROMISED he would never do anything to hurt me…..

    Guess what his sneaky ways are back. Like today he left at noon to go to the gym that is a 25 minute drive from our house, he doesn’t have to be to work until 3:30 but does like to get to work 30 minutes early so 3:00. His workouts last about 45 minutes and its a 5 minute drive from the gym to his work. Is it just me or does something just not add up there. oh and the days he goes after work he gets home 45-50 minutes later than he normally would had he not gone to work.

    I have put almost 18 years into this relationship and have tried over and over to get past all the nonsense but I don’t know if I can anymore. What is your opinion about my friends reaction and to his recent activities????

  52. @LeAnn,

    Your husband seems to be doing what he wants and when he wants. If you have told him how uncomfortable you feel in regard to his time and activities, you and him should speak to one another and communicate. It sounds as if there is no communication between the both of you. If you know that he has already had an affair , why do you continue to allow him to do what he wants?

    You and him should sit down and speak with one another and you should tell him how you feel and tell him that if he is or plans to be unfaithful, then you and him should part ways.

    No one deserves to be treated like a third wheel and if that is the lifestyle he chooses then you should go and find someone that will honor your wishes and vows. If you feel that he is set in his ways and you have tried everything you can to save your marriage then it is time to move on. There is NO need to live in a home with no love and affection.

    There are plenty O’ fish in the sea and there are many men who would kill to have a faithful woman like yourself. 18 years is a long time but if you choose to do nothing about it, then you have to ask yourself if you want to live another 18 years with someone who is unfaithful.

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  54. My girlfriend has shown a number of these points should I be worried?

  55. Wake up woman, don’t get stuck in your “marriage”

    Ask yourself: why is my husband cheating on me?

    and move on
    with a better self for a better man

    • More like ask myself why I married him… I caught him before we got married why the hell was I so blind… Ugh. Never ever getting married again… And trust me as soon as I find a job and get my pooh together his ass is out of my house. Last straw was today found dried ejaculate in his underwear…. DONE.

  56. My husband has porn sites that keep showing up all the time in his cell phone browsing history and they are most of the time different from the last ones I find. He claims he hasn’t gone to those sites and have No idea how they keep showing up. He admitted once before that he went on one site and said he don’t know where the reat came from but now he constantly keeps denying ever being on those site. Is it even possible to have things like that pop up randomly in your browsing history on a cell phone? I went to the sites and then closed out of them and erased them out of my history (my husband knows I done this because I did it in front of him) as he does, to see if they pop up randomly on my phone browsing history and it hasn’t happened once yet! Who believes he’s lying like I do? Please give advice!

  57. Please add these to your next edition.
    1. The cheater gets off from work early but doesn’t say anything to their spouse for hours about being off early.
    2. They keep their cell phone within arm’s reach when the innocent spouse is around. However when the innocent spouse calls them on their cell phone, the cheater has all kinds of “reasons” for why they didn’t answer, or couldn’t get to their cell phone.
    3. You call the cheater and they fail to answer their cell phone. Moments later they call you back saying……………”Did you just try to call me?” What a stupid question! Of course you just tried to call them, that’s why they see your number! One thing that I have learned is this. When You call your spouse and they fail to answer the phone, only to call you back in a few moments, that means that they are either with someone or at a place that you WOULD NOT approve of. They wait until they are in a “safe place” before calling you back.
    4. You call your spouse and she claims to be at the mall with a female friend, but the background sounds more like a quiet room.
    5. You call your spouse and she claims to be at the library studying or doing research, but the background sounds like a restaurant or mall. Most times it’s not you spouse themselves that that exposes them on the phone, it’s what’s taking place in the background.
    6. BIG ONE! The cheater seems angry or irritated at unexpected changes in the schedule of the innocent spouse. Cheaters have three schedules to work with. Theirs, their lover’s, and their spouse’s. They learn and know your routine better than YOU! They know when they can see the other person and for how long. When you throw a monkey wrench into their plans by taking an unexpected day off, or leaving work early, that’s time that they cannot use to see the other person so they get vividly angry and upset. You will begin to notice your spouse’s unusual interest in your schedule especially if you work a flex or rotating schedule. They want to plan out their rendezvous as efficiently as possible. Here’s what I’ve painfully learned from experience. Adultery is emotional. When it comes to your schedule, the cheater knows that they cannot see the other person on your off days from work because it’s too risky. The day before your off days, and the day after your off days are crucial to catching them. They are emotionally stirred because they will not se the other person for two days, or haven’t seen them in two days. They can’t wait for you to leave the house! If you have a rotating schedule, their red flag behavior patterns “magically” adjust and shift around your schedule. The behavior doesn’t stop, it just adjusts to your schedule. If you are off on weekends wait until Thursday and tell your spouse you think you’ll use a vacation day on Friday to just spend a extended weekend with her. If she’s happy and excited to the point of tears because it’s just what she’s been wanting then all is fine. If she is reluctant, upset or acts like she had plans……..SHE DID! Do the same for Monday on occasion. Come home on Friday and tell your spouse you’re taking Monday off. Let’s gas up the vehicle and get away for the weekend. I guarantee within moments she will have to “work on the computer”, make some calls, or “go to the store”. She has t give the other person the head’s up that plans have changed. NEVER tell your spouse too early that you plan to come home or take a day off. It may not sound honest but if you tell them too early you may NEVER find the truth. By telling them early, you’re giving them the time they need to change their plans with the other person and mask their emotions. When you come home early unannounced or tell them about taking time off as late as passible, they cannot hide or mask their true emotions. You will see them!
    7. When you and your spouse go out together occasionally ask her to drive because you’re “tired”. Try to go in her car but don’t be pushy about it. Pay close attention to the passenger seat. If you’re the height of Danny DeVito but it seems like Shaq has been in the passenger seat then something is wrong. Watch everything she moves around once inside the car. Does she remove something from the visor or console and place it somewhere else? Is there a garage door opener in her car and you don’t have a garage? If you just look through her car without her knowing you may miss items, but if you’re in the car together it will eat away at her until she is compelled to move something that may expose her.
    8. You know your spouse doesn’t have a large appetite but as she prepares her lunches for work, it’s seems like she is going to feed a brigade. The other person may be a co-worker. Or you notice that she doesn’t pack a lunch when she usually does. That means she plans to eat out for lunch. There is nothing wrong with that, we all do that. But when the behavior is secretive and lacks transparency…something is wrong.
    9. Your spouse comes home and has to do the laundry of everything they wore that day. Even though there is no accumulation of dirty laundry on hand, they will still wash those items. They shouldn’t be dirty or sweaty because they work in an office or attend school. And of course……as soon as the laundry begins, they head straight to the shower. Begin to watch your spouse in the mornings and when you return home later that day. Watch what they are wearing when you leave compared to what they’re wearing later. Did they change clothes “for no reason”. Did they change their hair? Some spouses are crafty enough to store (at the other person’s place) changes of clothes, personal items, toothbrushes and everything else they need to “freshen up”, before they get home. They have every base covered and won’t miss a beat. That’s why a warm embrace and kiss are so important when you see them after a long day. Are they reluctant? If they do kiss and embrace do they smell like they just recently showered and brushed their teeth? They will go overboard to make sure that they are clean, clean, clean and you don’t detect anything.
    10. Sex decreases or stops all together. They won’t let you hold them very long. They roll over as far as possible and sleep on their side of the bed. They get up and spend part of the night on the couch. They once slept partially or fully nude, but now they are clothed from head to toe. The sex is different. You can tell that they’re doing it to keep you from suspecting something. And it isn’t the way it was before all the cheating red flags.
    11. The most painful thing is the fact that your spouse undermines, underestimates and thinks you’re STUPID! They would bet an entire pot of poker chips that you’ll never find out. They believe they are too smart for you to catch them. She eats off your table, sleeps in your bed, drives a car that you provided, enjoys a nice home, and…………..she gets to have “him” too. Don’t you ever believe that she will one day have a change of heart and come to you to “confess”. She knows that the day she comes clean, her gravy train is over. She knows how you feel about adultery. Why would she risk everything by telling you? The moment she knows…that you know….she will make her move and get lawyered up to take as much as she can with her. If you know…..say nothing! Let her think she’s a scholar. Let her believe you’re dumb, naïve and stupid. Plan your exit strategy and execute it. NEVER consider violence. It’s not worth it. There is someone else who will love you and allow you to love them. Cheaters are as systematic as bank robbers. They plan their rendezvous and cover all bases. It’s not that it’s hard to prove that someone is cheating. The problem is that they’ve hidden it so well, only circumstantial red flags are present. Whenever someone tells you to “prove it”, that’s a clear sign that they are not only guilty, but have taken all measures to hide it! If your spouse is cheating, she knows at some point she has to make a choice. “Him” or you. If she chooses you, the chiasm will be there until she comes clean. If she comes clean, she risks you leaving. If she chooses “him”, she will plan when and how she will tell you and leave you. She will want money, support and possibly the house. She will make sure that everything is in order before she makes a move. Out of nowhere she will desire to “establish some credit”. She will open credit card and independent bank accounts. She may increase her work hours to save and store money. She may decrease her work to get more money from you in the divorce. She may suddenly want to sale items or assets. Whatever she does, she will not just get up one morning out of the blue and tell you that she wants a divorce. She had that day in planning for at least six months to a year!

    Why don’t cheaters just LEAVE? Because they want their cake and ice cream in their selfish mouth at the same time. Why can’t a man be a man, or a woman be a woman and just say…..”I don’t want to be here anymore”, and just leave? Must they lie, cheat, steal and betray the innocent spouse in such a cruel way, and then afterward rape them financially during the divorce? It’s sad! I’m so glad that I found this website. It gave me the opportunity to release my frustration and pain. Hopefully some of the personal things that I have shared will help others who have experienced the ultimate betrayal.

  58. I just confronted my bf of 14 yrs after discovering his cheating on facebook.He was dumb enough to give me his password.I honestly don feel out of control and consumed with rage mainly I feel calm but get small pangs of anger when I think about it.Maybe I feel numb because our relationship has been unhappy for last 6 months or so and I have tried to emotionally detach myself because of our arguing in this time.Maybe its because I lost respect for him when he told me only a week ago that our failed ivf was my fault and what use was I to him if I couldn’t ‘produce’?I only found out he was cheating last night.At the moment he is holed up in his room (we have seperate rooms) and trying to pretend he is asleep but I know he will be frantically trying to think up a story to get himself out of it.He is also a narcissist so my bet is tomorrow he will try and blame me somehow for his cheating or just flat out deny in even though I have hard evidence or he may just say he dosen’t care that I know.It’s funny through all our ups and downs I honestly thought that he would still never go so far as to cheat on me.What a foolish lady.How can I ever trust him again?Maybe I’m still in denial and maybe it will start to hurt more in the coming days.Just another sad statistic is what our relationship has become.Being a loyal dog for 14 yrs got me cheated on!

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  60. My wife found a past friend on facebook. They started talking and texting each other. She always deleted the txt messages and cleared the phone logs. When I asked her about it she said they are just friends and havn’t even met in person since they became facebook friends. Later on she told me she was going to his work place to get some gift certificates for a gift basket. She still says that is the only time they have met. I finally told her it was too suspicious and I don’t want her talking to him anymore. She said fine. Then I would ask her if she had contacted him since I asked her not to. She said “no”. Then after like 5 months she left her e-mail open on the computer and I looked at the send list, and there was an e-mail saying “I moved to another location. I had to change e-mails, this girl I’m with is crazy jealous. ” Then my wife responded back saying “What, I thought she was the girl who didn’t mind if you had some strange on the side”
    When I asked her about it, she said he had told her that his girlfriend didn’t care if he was with other girls, but she had never been with him. She said she was just making a comment. She said they still had only met that one time. She then said that was the last time she had heard from him, and he never responded to the e-mail. She said she won’t talk to him anymore if it is that big of a deal to me. But she had said that before. Also everytime we hear about people cheating on their spouse and getting someone pregnant she says, she is not going to judge them, people make mistakes. I just want to know for sure, but everytime I ask her she denies it. I can’t find any proof. Also I think they realy did stop speaking to each other. I don’t want a divorce, I just want to know. It drives me crazy, and I choose to drink alot so I don’t think about it, but I end of thinking about it all the time. I get depressed about it, and my wife says she is sorry I feel that way, but she never cheated on me. Any advise would be great. Thanks

    • Chad, this is what cheaters do. They try to make their “friendship” seemingly insignificant. Then they try and make you out like your overly suspicious and controlling leaving you feel guilty.

      Facebook is known now to ruin many relationships and marriages. Ask any divorce lawyer and he/she will tell you that many cases are a result of Facebook.

      I could be wrong but it seems as you drove her underground or deeper down because she knows now your radar is on and you are focusing in on her moves. If the “friendship” is secret , then it’s cheating hands down. If she is willing to come fwd and be honest and up front then you have nothing to worry about.

      Lies destroy the fundamental foundation of a true relationship.

      You could monitor what she does electronically or you could have a PI follow her, schedule a trip out of town and have your PI on the job and see what happens. I would advise though that following your spouse or significant other can lead to disastrous consequences. You can put a VAR ( Variable Audio Recorder ) in places that she is known to frequent and then listen for things out fo the ordinary. However, if you begin to hear her with someone else. Do not listen to it have a friend or someone you trust listen to it and tell you what is on it. Listening to something like that will eat you alive.

      • Thanks for the advice, however I do not believe anything is going on anymore (if it ever was). The guy she was talking and texting to has moved out of town and is no longer replying to her e-mails. She has agreed to take a lie detector test, should I peruse that or does her agreeing to submit to one mean it may have all been just a friendship. Maybe she was hiding it because she knew I didn’t approve.

  61. No worries, hope that is what is really going on. Good luck to you.

  62. The signs are true. I remembered how my wife acted suspiciously around me. Let alone, the sudden ‘guilty face’ that she always puts up, just simply gave way! After reading this article, I realized most of it had happened during that period, only that I wasn’t sharp enough to be fully aware of it!

  63. Very good list. Wish I had come upon it beforehand but trusted her 100% for 15 years so it’s not exactly something I was looking for.

    She slept with a younger man. I found out by dumb luck and she denied it to my face repeatedly. I’m pretty sure she saw him as a chance to “upgrade” but was too dumb to check if he was married himself. Oops. The fact that he was a prettyboy douchebag loser with no real future financial or otherwise made it so much worse, if that’s even possible.

    She planned to leave abruptly, blaming me for many things and basically labeling me as unworthy of her. Told her family and friends we were splitting because of all of my shortcomings, which she never communicated to me by the way, taking no responsibility for anything herself. She was still talking with the other man, planning on what they would do once she was finally free to do so. All the while maintaining that she loved me and implying if worked hard enough there was a chance I could earn her back.

    I was willing to forgive and keep trying if only she would admit it, proving she was remorseful. She continued to profess her love for me but also continued lying to me with a straight face and also continued talking to the other man.

    The day she finds out he’s married and that I’m getting a promotion at work, everything changes. She reluctantly admits to it and asks for a chance to regain my trust. Tells me she didn’t know why she screwed the other guy and that it was a huge mistake and wants us to be together.

    I have agreed but am starting to have problems ignoring the part of me that keeps saying “why bother with her” and “what are her actual intentions and motivations”. She was very quick to tell me it wasn’t about the money. That makes me worry more.

    I do want to give her a chance. I’m quite sure this was the only one time it happened. But having trouble dealing with her having still talked to him when she said she didn’t.

    I worry if she is a well hidden narcissistic sociopath, just really really naive or really really dumb. And if it even matters which of those it is. It is possible she just got caught up in her own web of lies she weaved to save face infront if her family and friends, which is not as horrible.

    Can a couple actually get past something like this? Anyone out there even know of someone who has managed to rebuild a real relationship after not just the cheating but ongoing lies to the face?

    I feel like I’m the backup plan. Financially, mentally and emotionally stable. Someone she can cling to and get the good life given to her on a platter. But my head could be making that up.

    Should I bother? Should I make her my backup plan and accept one of the many standing invitations I have denied until this point? Is it possible to trust someone like thisagain

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  65. My domestic partner recently had a “friend” move into town. He told me a couple of months ago that she was someone he worked for out of college and that he was moving here. She reconnected with him on LinkdIn, supposedly. I’d never heard of her until he announced that she was moving here. He also let me know that she was a former stripper.
    Since she’s been here, he’s been working insane hours, 14/15hr days. He says that it’s because he works for a start up business and he is doing the financial models, forecasts, and annual budget for the company.
    I checked his phone the other night and saw a lot of calls that were exchanged between them at all hours. I asked him, point blank, what was going on. He said that he saw an opportunity to help her out, temporarily, until she found a job. So, he got his company to hire her for a month to do tasks around the office.
    He says he was afraid to tell me because I had reacted irrationally to him going to dinner with her the night she got into town.
    He’s been shopping for new clothes, a lot, these last two weeks. He says it’s due to having lost weight. He has lost 20lbs.
    He tells me there is nothing going on and that she is 10yrs older. He said although men are attracted to her, he is not. He says he sees her as a big sister.
    I am not sure what to think. He takes hours to answer my texts and he rarely answers or returns my phone calls.
    We have been fighting a lot over this situation. I have popped up at his office in the evenings on a couple of occasions to “take him dinner”. He is there alone.
    I don’t know what to think :(.

  66. I have a gut feeling my wife had an affair in the past. I was taking care of two young girls at the time it happened and was affraid to look into it like I should. She hadn’t been having sex with me much for awhile and one night when I tried to seduce her, she said no and then said she hated herself, then wouldn’t explain why. After that I realized that maybe her several hour shopping trips were more than that. There were also other signs, but nothing that told me she was definitely having an affair. Is there any way to determine if your wife was having an affair in the past. I’ve talked to her about all the things she had done and the reasons I feel like she had an affair, but she still denies having one. Occasionally when we talk about it, she explains her shopping trips as, “I was really upset at you at the time and just needed time away” or “I needed to get away from you and the kids, it was a lot for me to deal with at the time”.

    It’s killing me that I didn’t track her car or investigate in other ways. Now it’s to late to do any of those things.

  67. Jon, the first thing I would do is communicate with your wife and see if there is any chance of you and her having an open and honest conversation. Tell her how you feel and let her know that you have these mixed feelings about her activity. Then, if you and her cannot come to any conclusion , I would then move to another phase and monitor her either in the car or at the house.

    If she has a mobile smart phone you can install something like mspy or flexispy and track her locations and also listen in and record her in her natural surroundings. Though I would choose to do the tracking james bond stuff after all else fails. Always and I mean always try to engage your significant other and see what is going with them mentally and then you can begin to make informed decisions about how you wish to proceed.

    Another thing is to ask your self, is it really worth it to go fishing for a confession from her/him or is it easier to work on where you are now instead of trying to backtrack and illicit a confession. Also, some woman will out of desire to attract attention to themselves through such a disastrous issue will admit to an affair even if they never had one just to get you to pay attention to them . Men do the same thing.

    Again, if you suspect her cheating then follow due diligence and talk to her and then if that doesn’t work, then do your tracking and surveillance .

  68. My husband have been doing things too wierd to me just after our wedding . Could it be that he is cheating on me? His behavour, his coming home, his call making,his late out going and many things about him has change and am afraid something bad is going on behind my back.

  69. My wife has been acting weird for about a week. She is moody and absentminded. She refused to tell me anything. Yesterday she shows up at my friend’s house while I was there to talk to me. She tells me that a customer showed his penis to her a week before and it’s been bothering her because he was relations to a family friend. She didn’t tell anyone supposedly. On coincidence she quit her schooling on that same day. What she tells me is just not adding up. She hasn’t changed in her scheduling or appearance, yet she is more moody. She acts like she was raped or something because she won’t really allow me to touch her or show any type of affection. She keeps assuring me that she loves me, but for some reason, I think she is doing that to keep me at bay. She doesn’t want to press charges on this man and she won’t allow me to do my thing. (no details on that note, but you get the picture) It’s almost like she’s protecting him. He’s 20 years older than her and married himself. She won’t tell me his name, other than who he is related to. Any suggestions? I’m baffled.

  70. Thats a lie I’ve had millions of chances and never did nothing.and im fine as hell and have been offered alot i mean alot of money and other items in return..

    • Perhaps it’s your personality, I mean seriously I have never seen or heard a woman speak of herself and say that she is “fine as hell” though never the less no one should cheat period so you did the right thing.

  71. Just a few thoughts tonight as I’m dealing with the most difficult time of my life. When it comes to adultery……90% of the time when it’s the wife having the affair, she leaves anyway. After all the lying, denying, sneaking and hiding…..in the end, once she’s exposed, she bolts for the door never looking back. Why is it that cheaters must be so cruel and heartless? Why is it that when adultery happens, the cheater suddenly is seen as the “victim” and the innocent spouse is seen as the “villain”? Their “failure” (adultery) is the result of what the innocent spouse was or wasn’t doing for them, so that contributed to their “fall”. Why is that if/when the innocent spouse decides to give the cheater another chance, it’s the innocent spouse who has to “learn to trust again”?

    It’s sad. I suspect that my of 15 years is having an affair. I also suspect that she’s aware that I know something. After sharing my concerns about her behavioral patterns (without outright accusing her), the anomalies simmer down for a while and then increase again. My wife knows how I feel about adultery. She knows that it’s a deal breaker with me, and I expect the same of her if I were unfaithful. She has nothing to gain and everything to lose by coming clean. If I could leave tonight, I would, but there much planning that needs to take place. The most telling thing I’ve noticed about my wife’s behavior is this. Although our expenses require both of our incomes at this time, as I began talking to my wife about my concerns regarding her behavior………she went in to her employer and worked out a schedule adjustment, cutting her back to part-time hours. That baffles me because we can’t afford this. Her excuse is that she’s working too much. My concern is that she is either trying to create more time for the OP while I’m working (If I’m off and at home she will work a full day. If I’m at work she’ll work a partial day), or..knowing I suspect something, she’s trying to intentionally decrease her income in preparation for divorce and alimony.

    Either way, I lose! If it turns out that my wife is unfaithful, I will divorce her and move on. Any advice?

  72. My marriage of 16 years with three boys aged 15,9 and 2. I t was a happy marriage with my husband treating me like a queen always. But my company had to transfer me to another town 100 km away which meant to reside there. however I make it a point all the time to come every Fridays and leave on Mondays all because I love my family let alone my husband. Unfortunately I noticed that when I come home my husband always come late in the night around 11 and 12 midnight. When I am not around 1 or 2 a.m or even 4 o’clock a.m. I confronted him about this but could always he was out with some friends. Mind you he does not drink. One time I followed him to find out where and who is this lady because I knew a woman was involved guess what I found them our car packed at a certain house and I went and knocked and they opened for me. The rest is history but after that I told my husband why is he doing this and I even proposed that I am going out of the house and he refused and said he was to change. But my situation is worse now he wont eat my food he seem confused and every night he goes to the woman and come back after three to four hours, and he continues to say he loves me. I love this man honestly but this heartless behavior is killing me. Nowadays he hardly calls, sometimes if I call he wont answer and later says he had left the phone in the car. A lot is happening and I don’t know what to do. Please help.

  73. My husband lives away from home for part of the week and I found a receipt for tomatoes which he hates and hot chocolate which I have never seen him drink the whole time I’ve known him what is going on ?

  74. Might be time for a surprise late visit! Trust me; NOBODY can be trusted anymore!!!

  75. My husband is a very loving husband we usually attend church 2gther he just bought a house for my siblings and he always travel due 2 his work when his around he spend so much time with me we don’t have any kids @ the moment we have been married for 3years now but I always found condoms in his car and coats but he denys all that is he cheating on me?

  76. My husband of 30 years spends all of his time down in the basement. You cant walk down there. There are field mice, dust and clutter for 23 years. I can’t go down their because I have allergies. He’s secretive and always checking emails for his business. He has a iPhone that he can check his email. He is so secretive and leaves me with no money and stasthes all the cash in the basement. I have no clue who my husband is. For a long time I was always sick and vomiting. My friend mentioned that I may be poisoned. I have no family to run to or money to get a divorce. I don’t work cause I was in a car accident. I don’t trust him. He made my meals cause I couldnt stand. But I rather not eat than have him prep the meals.

  77. @Bri, Please don’t take this the wrong way but if what you say is true, then you have a lot of big problems. You should contact someone who can help you in your area.

  78. I’ve been married for 6 years now, and my husband isn’t the most affectionate man in the world – but the last year or so he has been even less affectionate, even to the point he physically pushes me away from him when I try to be “luvey dovey” with him. I’m not a super “touchy feely” female…so it’s not like I’m constantly hanging all over my husband being annoying or anything. I take good care of myself and am told by everyone that I should have been a model – not to sound vein or anything, but just clarifying that he’s not pushing me away because I smell or am unattractive to him…and his excuses as to why he doesn’t want to make love are things like, you haven’t put your laundry away, the dishes in the sink are bothering me, the bills still need paid – you know how much those things bother me…well they never bothered him before. Plus I work full time and take night classes, so it isn’t like I’m home to do “wifely” chores! The laundry and all of that gets done at the end of the week after I’m caught up with work and school…
    I did come right out and ask him if something was going on – he just keeps saying that the clutter stresses him out that’s all it is…but even when the house is perfectly clean it’s the same with him…after it being like this for so long I just quit trying to be sexy for him or affectionate toward him, and he doesn’t seem to care at all…
    I looked through his messages this morning and saw a conversation from May with one of his ex girlfriends – You see he was recently promoted and travels to the area this woman lives once a month – she was overly excited to hear that he was in her hometown, the conversation was basically this, Husband: I was thinking about getting a hold of you on my through, but this is my first time down here so… Other Woman: I can’t believe your there, I had to read it twice! Then he basically asked for clarification on where she lives. He never told me any of this, and he tells me everything…when he came home from the trip (about 6 hours away, he was gone for 3 days this time, I didn’t get a hug, a kiss, or really even an I missed you…he pretty much avoided my advances for affection…
    I’m just at a loss as to what to do. I tried talking to him about how much his lack of affection bothers me and how it makes me feel, and he seems receptive, but nothing changes – in fact it just keeps getting worse. And using the laundry as an excuse is a pretty sad excuse to me…

  79. Here’s my situation:

    Wife and I have been married 15 years. Within the first year I caught her having an affair, and forgave and moved on. About 3 years ago my cellphone broke and I had to use a temp one. I got off work early one day and went to pick up our younger son from preschool to save her the trip. On the way home I passed her but didn’t think she saw me. I called her personal cell phone with no answer. Couldn’t remember her work cell number so when I got home and saw her personal cell phone on the table I figured maybe it was stored in there somewhere. While looking for it I came across a large number of texts between her and a friend of one of our neighbors (I had no clue they were talking). I had read 2 of the texts (which were innocent enough) when she walked in and saw me holding her phone. Her face was QUITE tell-tale. I put the phone down and didn’t mention anything. Later that night I asked to use her phone the next day, she said alright then went into the bathroom. I was going to check her phone then, but she took it in there with her. Later that night I found the phone, looked and she had deleted all the texts to/from this man (only those ones…). I asked her about talking to him and she said it was just to make sure he was safe getting home from bars because he’d drink alot… Sounded like BS to me. Then I asked why she deleted all his texts. She said to make room on her phone (all the other texts from random people were still there…) So the next morning I took the phone, got to work at about 5:30 am when he texted her saying “Good Morning :)”. I didn’t respond to him, although I wanted to. I got in my office, emailed her and told her he texted and was accusing to her. Then, she emailed him (not sure how she had that address) and CC’d me on it telling him there was a big misunderstanding and could he help put my mind at ease. He never replied, and never came to our neighbor’s house again for well over a year (he typically would be there almost every weekend before that). I’ve confronted her several times and she’s denied anything being there or happening. I’ve stuck my head in the sand for almost 3 years now with this and can’t ignore it anymore. We have 2 great kids together and I’m scared about how divorce could hurt them, but I just don’t think I can believe her story. Any thoughts? Am I way off base here?

    • Actually you are spot on , the problem you put yourself in was you confronted to early without gathering evidence of her affair with this guy. Yes .. dude.. your woman was doing something with this guy, I mean come on, another man is texting her good morning?! the signs were their in front of you.

      If I were you, I would install monitoring software on her phone and probably a few VAR’s in her car and see what you come up with. You may or may not find something but for sure the signs were/are there and now it’s up to you to uncover the deception. I mean seriously dude, if she cheated on you once. Wouldn’t you think shes doing it again? I know I would. Tighten up your game and dont let anyone walk all over you but also keep your cool and never ever loose your freedom because you are angry or hurt. Stay cool and focused. Best of luck mate.

  80. It is one of the most devestating things to see 21 years of a relationship start to dissipate -watching someone youve grown with and built a life with fade away-and the destruction of the home and plans for the future. Equally I hold people responsible who participate in it when they know the person is married, or committed to a realtionship. People make mistakes but intentionally tearing down your family for an affair is senseless and cruel. All I can say is KARMA. For the ones left behind, get clear of the loser and dont take them back.

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