Gather Evidence — This is not for a court of law–this is to convince you that they are or are not cheating. Find the truth.
Confront — According to Matthew 18, if a brother has sinned, we talk to them first and ask them to stop.
Disclose — If they will not stop, we speak to them with one other person present…someone like their parent, a mentor or the pastor to whom they look up.
Expose — If they just WILL NOT stop, we “tell it to the church” meaning telling the truth to the elders, your parents, his/her parents, family members, and people who will be affected if there is a divorce. They may not be ‘on your side’ but at least they are informed of the truth and can make their own choices with the facts.
Carrot and Stick — If they still have not ended the affair, work on yourself to be the person you once were who attracted your spouse (end Love Extinguishers/begin Love Kindlers) AND simultaneously allow your disloyal to experience the natural consequences of their choices.
Consequences — If they STILL do not end the affair, end all contact with your disloyal until they willingly agree to end all contact with the OP and honor their commitment to you.
File — If the affair is still ongoing, file for legal separation or divorce to legally protect yourself and your family from the financial damage of the selfish entitlement of adultery.
These steps take you the entire way through the process, but there are some things you can do the day after you find out your spouse has been unfaithful:
1) Go to your bank tomorrow morning and separate your finances. Open your own savings account that your disloyal spouse can not get into, your own checking or savings account, and make sure your house and car payment are transferred to your new account. Do not tell your disloyal you are doing this–just do it.
2) Rent a storage space, pay for it for three months, and put all your disloyal spouse’s possessions into it. You may not legally be able to “kick them out” if their name is on the title or mortgage, but there’s no reason your disloyal spouse can’t at least go to a friend’s or sleep on someone else’s couch. Removing their “things” may be yet another very realistic wake up call of what they stand to lose: their home, their lifestyle and half the time with their kids!
3) Get a doctor appointment to be tested for STDs. It may also be a good time to let your doctor know what’s happening and discuss anti-depressant medication. Now we personally recommend recognizing that it is natural to be depressed when something as depressing as infidelity is occurring in your life–that’s situational depression–so we aren’t advocating medicating so you don’t feel the pain. There also are alternatives such as herbs that are natural and can help (such as St. John’s Wort, KavaKava and Valerian or Melatonin for sleep). However, it is wise to keep your personal physician informed so they can make a decision if needed.
4) Contact all your bills and change them to your new bank account, and anything for which you are paying for disloyal spouse…you drop/close that account. You paying their cell phone bill? Time for them to take care of their own finances if they wants OP! DO NOT pay for their infidelity! Hey it’s a free country–if your disloyal wants to cheat they are free to do so, but the PRICE of that choice is that they have to pay their own way!