This is a tough period for many married couples recovering after an affair. For some Loyal Spouses, this day is now tainted. For many, Valentines Day isn’t special anymore or it’s a day full of triggers and bad memories instead of love. For some Disloyal Spouses, they don’t really quite feel “in love” yet, but they know that their spouse has expectations…probably expectations they can’t meet.
So I’ve put together 14 Days of Love for a couples who are reconciling after infidelity.
Day 1–LOVE OTHERS! Chances are you aren’t the only person feeling weird about Valentines Day. Reach out to those around you who would otherwise spend their day alone. This may mean getting your friends together for a dinner. Or, it may mean finding a way to volunteer.
Day 2–RELIVE YOUR WEDDING DAY! Renew your vows even if only to each other. Then relive the honeymoon!
Day 3–Learn to have FUN with each other again. Tonight, play a game together. Just relax and have fun.
Day 4–Start retraining your mind. When you think about the Other Person (whether you’re the Loyal or Disloyal) just STOP…and think of something positive about your spouse instead.
Day 5–Sex after an affair can be hard, but fill your mind with God’s perspective on sex. Read I Corinthians 7:1-9 and Song of Solomon and enjoy your spouse.
Day 6–To help retraining your mind, write a list of 100 Things you love about your spouse.
Day 7–Thank God It’s Friday! Your work week is over, so PUT YOUR WORK ASIDE and pay attention to your spouse.
Day 8–Date Night IN. Go to the local bookstore, pick a marriage book together, and read it to each other.
Day 9–Day of Rest, so take a break from the affair… give each other the day off.
Day 10–’Playing’ to a man and ‘playing’ to a woman can be two very different things. Tonight spend time finding out what your spouse thinks is “playful” and then play together a little…their way.
Day 11–Do the Five Love Languages quiz and tell your spouse what your love language is. LISTEN when your spouse tells you their love language.
Day 12–Even though it may feel awkward, this one time you be the one to initiate some kind of physical intimacy. It doesn’t have to be sex, but if it goes there, that’s cool.
Day 13–The stress of having to have a perfect love on Valentines Day, the expectations, the fear of doing the wrong thing can be very frustrating. Let your spouse off the hook. This year, talk to each other ahead of time, reach an agreement on what you both want to do, and then…go one extra mile and give your spouse one additional kindness or little show of affection.
Day 14 (Valentines Day)–You two are just rebuilding so don’t expect too much yet. Your spouse may not be ready to be all “over the moon” romantic yet. But take time today to purposefully put effort into showing your spouse that you value them above all others.