AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

Disloyal Dizzy Talk? What’s that?

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dizzyHave you ever been speaking with your Disloyal Spouse while they are active in their affair and heard their mouth say something that just makes NO SENSE?  Have you heard your Disloyal say something that left you feeling like: “Did you even HEAR what you just SAID?”

I call that Disloyal Dizzy Talk.  It’s from all the spinning they do to justify their affair.  In their head they want to proceed with the affair because it feels good.  They get an affair ZING from all the positive brain chemicals.  But in their head they also know that adultery is wrong!  So they TWIST and TWIST reality to justify continuing, until they say things with about 1% truth in them and 99% DIZZINESS!

Now let me translate some examples of Disloyal Dizzy Talk for you. I will write what it REALLY means and what you can reply to the dizzy talk.

I can’t give up the OP even though s/he keeps me at arms length.
MEANS: Can’t=won’t, so this means “I want to behave immorally and I don’t really care who it hurts. I won’t stop even though I know it’s wrong.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right! You are unwilling to live a moral life and that’s why I am protecting myself from you.

I still want the excitement of other person.
MEANS: “I’m so immature, I follow my hormones rather than honoring my commitment to my family like an adult.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right, you are so blinded by the pleasure, who needs to think of the veneral diseases the exciting women may have? I choose to have a pure marriage bed.

Don’t pin your hopes on me.
MEANS: “I’m undependable, immature, and self-centered.”
ANSWER: Oh I have no hope for you.

I don’t want the same old stale relationship.
MEANS: “I want what I want and I want it NOW but I’m not willing to work for it at all.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right, I would never accept that neglectful relationship we had in the past. Now I expect a mature partner who’s willing to keep his promise to keep working at it until death parted us.

I have too much baggage with you.
MEANS: “I’m not willing to forgive you or let go of the negative memories.”
ANSWER: Oh you’re right you do have too much baggage for me to accept you.

I don’t want to be committed to anyone at the moment.
MEANS: “I’m selfish.”
ANSWER: I can see that you’re only willing to consider yourself and can’t see the damage you’re doing.

I don’t want to be your one and only person.
MEANS: “I know this is wrong but I want to do it, so I want you to do it too so it’s legitimate.”
ANSWER: I can see that you don’t want to be a person who honors their commitments.

You are not my spouse anymore.
MEANS: “I’m looking for a way to make my cheating okay.”
ANSWER: (I can see going two ways with this one) #1–You’re right. Until you start treating me better I don’t choose to let you be my husband. #2–My promise to you was to keep working at it until death parted us and I’m not dead, so I’m your wife.

I can’t say if I’m definitely not coming home because I don’t know yet.
MEANS: “I want to have the freedom to be sexually immoral and have a safety net just in case.”
ANSWER: “You’re right you can’t say, and right now I’d say you are not invited to come home. I’m not sure yet.”

… be more encouraging to me because I might be interested in having a relationship – I don’t know.
MEANS: “I want to have my cake and eat it too.”
ANSWER: You’re right. YOU should be more encouraging to ME because I may be interesting trying to revive our relationship…I’m not sure.

Go to the dance with me and just have fun, they’re baby steps we can take together and might lead to doing more fun things.
MEANS: “Nobody else seems to want me right now so I’ll turn to you as a last resort.”
ANSWER: Are you ready to give up other person in your life? I’m not willing to be second best.

If we can have fun, you might be the one I want to be with.
MEANS: “I’m unwilling to do the right, honorable thing unless it’s FUN!”
ANSWER: You’re right, if you were fun you might be the one I wanted to be with.

You might be one of the other people I’m interested in.
MEANS: “I’ll string you along as long as possible.”
ANSWER: Look me up when you’re ready to give up having or looking for other people in your life and dedicate your affection and loyalty only to me

If you don’t want contact with me you will be burying any chance there is of a relationship.
MEANS: “I’ll threaten you with something I know scares you, if you won’t do things my way.”
ANSWER: You’re right. Your unwillingness to give up other women in your life buries any chance this marriage has.

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4 thoughts on “Disloyal Dizzy Talk? What’s that?

  1. From satan’s lips to their ears….they have no filter for what they think neither do they want one.

    I ask myself HOW did I get here? Carefully vetted this man 36 years ago and somewhere as he turned from the Lord he was engulfed with SELF …downhill for us from then on …but did not find it out in all of it’s ‘glory’ until 7 years ago ….I see him now as a COWARD …running from reality and making use of everyone ….still doing so.

    None so blind as those who will not see ….sigh.

    Good thread here ….heard so many of versions of them ….astounding how similar people who have cheated have these ….SO it indicates that they are the lies which Jesus told us come from the Father of LIES who is not original and doesn’t apparently have to be….once he gets access to a person’s mind through sinful daydreams….and they act upon them..

    So Jesus pointed out we need to take every thought captive to the obedience of His word…..casting down vain imaginations and every high thing that holds itself up against the knowledge of GOD .

    Rom 1:21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

    2Cr 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

    Taking captive of every thought is like the ‘reins’ of our lives…

    Jer 17:10 I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.

  2. Pingback: Don’t Invite Disloyalty to Your Doorstep | Revolutionary Paideia

  3. Hello,
    It sounds like the sample responses listed are pretty hostile (as in not loving). Aren’t we called to show unconditional love? Not to say we should be doormats…But it doesn’t seem wise to make demands on a spouse who is blinded and trapped by the enemy. If they are trapped, how can we expect them to make the “right” decisions by their own strength? I believe change can’t come about until they experience true repentance and heart change. But in the meantime, in the waiting, will we push them away if they can’t get themselves out of their sin mess? Christ doesn’t do that to us. And I know the covenant I made with my spouse was for better or for worse.

  4. I wish I had found this blog three months ago, life would be completely different. I don’t know how I will ever stop feeling the pain and remorse for what I did. For the pain I caused my wife and the torture I put her through. I single-handedly destroyed what I should have cherished every day of my life, looked at myself and recognised my faults and fixed them so I could have the relationship that I wanted. To be the husband I should have been every day. Now, this pain consumes me for what feels like forever. If you read this blog and you’re thinking about an affair, do not do it. It is wrong. It is not real. The pain you will cause to the one you love, to yourself, it is unexplainable. Fix your relationship or marriage. I will wish I did that for the rest of my life.

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