AFFAIRCARE

…nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.


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In Christ Alone

I just heard this today, and it was SO BEAUTIFUL I just wanted to share it.

LYRICS:

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.


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Recovering After an Affair: Forgiveness [Podcast]

You’ve found evidence that proves there is an affair. You’ve done all the steps to end the affair, and now you and your disloyal spouse have made the decision to try to reconcile. WHAT DO YOU DO!!!???


In this week’s episode we continue our Basic Concepts series: Recovering After an Affair, and we discuss one of the hardest parts about reconciling–forgiveness. We also go over the most common myths about forgiveness and offer concrete steps to help you forgive each other.

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. We will be discussing what forgiveness is and is not, and how to forgive. To introduce our new program, we are reviewing our Basic Concepts


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Today is the Day!

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Have you and your spouse been fighting all the time, and you have a gut feeling your spouse has been unfaithful?  Have you just found out your spouse is cheating, and you don’t know what to do?  Has your spouse’s affair ended, and you two would like to reconcile, but you don’t know where to start?  Have you been trying to reconcile after infidelity, but it feels like you are spinning your wheels and can’t get that loving feeling back?

Our new program “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” starts TODAY and I’m so excited!!  So if you answered “YES” to any of the questions above, and you’d like to join us, there’s still time.

Register Here

You’ll get more information, a nice little “early bird” price on the program, and a little freebie from us to you.


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Recovering After an Affair: Commitment [Podcast]

You’ve found evidence that proves there is an affair. You’ve done all the steps to end the affair, and now you and your disloyal spouse have made the decision to try to reconcile. WHAT DO YOU DO!!!???

Today we continue the final week of our Basic Concepts series: Recovering After an Affair. In today’s episode we discuss the first thing you truly need to understand to begin recovering–commitment.

The verse that Affaircare is built upon is all about commitment: “…Whatever your lips utter you must be sure to do, because you made your vow freely to the LORD your God with your own mouth…” – Deuteronomy 23:23

We believe that commitment is an intellectual exercise and not a feeling–just like love. It starts with a conscious decision you make. You decide to take a particular course of action over and against some other course of action because you are obligated. For example in the marriage commitment, you make a vow to choose a loving course of action toward your spouse for life.

Now usually you choose to marry someone because they make you happy. You are pursuing happiness and being with him or her makes you happy. The two paths of “happiness” and “being with them” seem to run parallel or are merged into one path! But what happens when the paths diverge and go in different directions?

Troubles occur when the commitment to happiness is prioritized above the commitment to the marriage. This is exactly the thing that often leads couples down the path to infidelity: when one partner is looking and looking for “what makes them happy” and their marriage is in a rut so it doesn’t “make them feel happy.” They allow their emotions to guide their decisions… “it FEELS good so I’m doing this…” rather than choosing to create happiness in their marriage or choosing to look for the happy things they do have within their marriage.

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. We will be focusing on Commitment and discussing what TRUE commitment is (we have it almost exactly backward), how to get the two paths of commitment to marriage and happiness to come back together again, and how to make PRO-active choices rather than RE-active decisions. To introduce our new program, we are reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!  Request more info about our new program HERE!!


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Recovering After an Affair: Pre-Reconcilliation [Podcast]

You’ve found evidence that proves there is an affair. You’ve done all the steps to end the affair, and now you and your disloyal spouse have made the decision to try to reconcile.  WHAT DO YOU DO!!!???

Today we begin the final week of our Basic Concepts series: Recovering After an Affair.  There are specific steps you can take to slowly, one-step upon the previous, build a whole new, healthy marriage.  There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

In today’s episode we discuss the things that need to be in place BEFORE you can even begin reconciling:

1) No Contact with the Affair Partner
2) Transparent Honesty
3) Agreement by BOTH spouses to work on yourself and the marriage.

Use the Sample No-Contact Letters that you can find here: http://affaircare.com/articles/sample-consequences-letters/

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!

 


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Steps to End an Affair: Consequences – Legal Separation [Podcast]

You’ve found evidence that proves there is an affair. You’ve confronted your spouse, disclosed it to a trusted mentor, and exposed the affair. You’ve dangled the tempting carrot and applied the stick….NOW what should you do?

Today we are finishing the Steps to End an Affair portion of our Basic Concepts. There are specific steps you can take if you have reason to believe your spouse may be unfaithful. There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

In today’s episode we discuss the Consequences Phase and the last option: Legal Separation. Use the Sample Consequences Letters that you can find here: http://affaircare.com/articles/sample-consequences-letters/ and end all contact with your disloyal spouse as long as they continue their affair. Let them have a good taste of what the cost of divorce will be and what it will be like to not have you in their life. Also, don’t give them the opportunity to blame you for their own choices and thus deflect responsibility. If they STILL harden their heart and will not end the affair, the best you can do is protect the marital assets and the marital home legally and try to wait it out. Make sure that a court of law enforces things like supporting the children and visitation and custody so that you are not “the bad guy.” There’s still hope, and time is on your side if you can be patient.

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!

 


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Steps to End an Affair: Carrot and Stick [Podcast]

You’ve found evidence that proves there is an affair. You’ve confronted your spouse, disclosed it to a trusted mentor, and exposed the affair… NOW what should you do?

Today we are continuing the new portion of our Basic Concepts: Steps to End an Affair. There are specific steps you can take if you have reason to believe your spouse may be unfaithful. There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

In today’s episode we discuss the Carrot and Stick Phase. Using Matt. 7:1-5 and II Tim 3:16 as our biblical foundations, we suggest that the loyal spouse establish a period of time during which they dangle ‘The Carrot’ of looking at the log in their own eye and working on themselves. Stop doing Love Extinguishers and start doing Love Kindlers to demonstrate you are the MORAL alternative to the affair partner. At the same time, during this established period of time, the loyal spouse would also apply ‘The Stick’ of stepping out of the way and allowing the disloyal spouse to experience the NATURAL consequences of their choice to continue committing adultery. It’s not our job to punish, but it is our job to step out of God’s way and stop covering up and enabling the affair.

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!


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Steps to End an Affair: Confront-Disclose-Expose [Podcast]

Things have not been right between you and your spouse and your gut instinct is that something is going on . You gathered evidence that proves to you that there is an affair… What should you do?

Today we are continuing the new portion of our Basic Concepts: Steps to End an Affair. There are specific steps you can take if you have reason to believe your spouse may be unfaithful. There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

After gathering evidence, it’s time to confront your spouse and get the help you need by refusing to keep their affair a secret.

In today’s episode we discuss the next three steps: Confront-Disclose-Expose. Using Matthew 18: 15-17 as our guide, we discuss Confronting your spouse directly, letting them know that you know, and asking them point blank to stop the affair. If they refuse, we explain about Disclosing the affair to one or two trusted mentors in your spouse’s life who will tell them to stop committing adultery and return to their marriage! If they still harden their heart and will not stop the affair, the next step to kill the affair is to Expose it to those who will be affected if there is a divorce: your family, your spouse’s family, your employer and if it’s a work affair, your spouse’s employer, your pastor or minister, your life-long friends and your spouse’s life-long friends.

Exposure is one of the most misunderstood steps in ending an affair, and yet it is one of the strongest steps you can take, so give your marriage the best chance of survival and listen in!

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!

 


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Steps to End an Affair: Gather Evidence [Podcast]

You’ve suspected for a while that something is not right between you and your spouse. Whatever the reasons, you had a sneaking suspicion that they may be having an affair… What should you do?

Today we are starting a new portion of our Basic Concepts: Steps to End an Affair. There are specific steps you can take if you have reason to believe your spouse may be unfaithful. There is no guarantee your marriage will recover, but these steps will give you the best opportunity to recover after the affair ends.

In today’s episode we discuss the first step: Gathering Evidence. After all you want to know the truth, no matter what that may be, so you can face it head on. You want to know if you’re just acting jealously or if there really is something going on! And in this episode we discuss both high-tech and low-tech options for investigating and finding out the truth!

Our new program, “90 Days to Save Your Marriage and Save You” will teach you and how your spouse how to recover after infidelity. To introduce our new program, I’m reviewing our Basic Concepts all month!

 


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Think the Grass is Greener… ?

This is utterly out of order with our series and all, but I just heard this song from Montgomery Gentry today, and WHEW it hit home, so I thought I’d share it:

“A Man’s Job”

It tore me up to sign them papers that set you free
Then seeing your boy toy strap my baby’s in them car seats
Made me wanna knock the dust off that piecemaker
And go out with a bang
But I didn’t

I can’t believe you’re calling me looking for advice
Guess Mr Head of the household ain’t home again tonight
I won’t say I told ya so, but I told you so
When you’re wrong you’re wrong this time

You wanted someone younger and you got him
You had a need to feed a hunger and you did
You let that fear of getting older overcome ya
And now it’s like you’re raising one more kid

You were right when you said he’s everything I’m not
But did you really think he’d always be around
To rock that cradle that ya robbed
Girl, you can’t expect a boy to do a man’s job

Has that match made in heaven burned out and gone to hell
If he ain’t working how’s he paying for that pimped out Chevelle
Is that child support I worked for supporting his lazy ass as well

You wanted someone younger and you got him
You had a need to feed a hunger and you did
You let that fear of getting older overcome ya
And now it’s like you’re raising one more kid

You were right when you said he’s everything I’m not
But did you really think he’d always be around
To rock that cradle that ya robbed
Girl, you can’t expect a boy to do a man’s job
Did you really think he’d always be around
To rock that cradle that ya robbed
Girl, you can’t expect that boy to do a man’s job

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